Confused whether to accept an international offer

Hi,

Since you have quoted my thread, I thought I would reply.
I am nowadays not replying much here. Thanks for being inspired.
Your kids are really young, first find a good stay at home maid, watch how she is taking care of the kids. Make sure she is not overburdened. Her main work should be taking care of kids alone. Have some other maids for cooking, washing etc. That would be easier. If you observe that the maid is able to take care of the kids with ur mother to oversee how she is working for a couple months and you are satisfied then there would be no harm to take up overseas job.

I will write later to u in detail, as I am busy right now.
Take care.

 

Really it is your choice.

1.ideally, Accept the offer, find a maid, sync your mom and H to work well with each other. Get a maid who is just like mother to your kids and is very sincere in her work.

2. Reject the offer and take up something that more suits your family needs and yours. This thought might be old school, but after so many experiences with my son, I feel kids need a mother's undivided attention. I some how find nurturing kids and helping them do their best is more rewarding than getting a pat on my back from the boss for a project well done.
I tend to attach more value to my child's small accomplishments than my monetary accomplishments at work. This occurred to me after a few instances where office politics won even after I was clearly the best performer. My child was more forgiving even after those hundreds of late night hours I had neglected him in favor of meeting impossible deadlines. My work was a high pressure high visibility job , it was a management consulting job. My child suffered at school, he felt lost and neglected. Children need constant guidance, nurturing and care from parents.
Another reason I am inclined to option 2 is I tried hiring maids but most of them were interested in making money than in the child. In short i felt a nanny/maid cannot be a full time replacement for a mother. They are good options only for a couple hours of break during the week. My nanny was negoting a more lucrative offer with my neighbor while leaving my 2 year old alone at home.

i do work now, but on my terms. It is more an 8-5 kind of job with very little travel. I have made it clear that no late hours and need occasional work from home. I don't compromise my family for work. I feel it's not worth it. Family comes first for me, career can wait. I am the kind when having an awesome career could never compensate for a broken home.

Think about what is more valuable to you? Your children's safety or your job? Think whether you can ensure your kids safety while you are off at work. Think whether you can curb your desire to work for some time till your kids can become independent. Think whether you an find solutions to those little quirks like h being careless, mother being sensitive. Will a nanny fix these issues or make them worse. Ultimately kids are you and your partners responsibility. Remember it is only a temporary phase, once kids become independent, you will have ample time to pursue your career.

 

Hi SGBV,

At times we need to slow down to care our kids. That does not mean we are compromising our career; it is just we slow down the speed to reach the fruit for future. It is purely your decision;

It may seem that our time flies and people of less exp get higher in career. it is not as such. You just slow down to take a big leap. Think and dream your way of career. Dont think of petty fights within family members. When time ripes you will get golden oppurtunity and the people who seemed be hurdles will help you well.

So when you have slowed down, dont let off your desire for your career. Think of it, do some small things to make your knowledge current and when time reaps take a big leap.

You can & you will Live Happily

 

HI SGBV, If your husband can take leave for few months and comes with you and he takes care of kids while u are at work, and till kids join to a daycare or school. as all family together, you will be peaceful. is it possible that All can go at same time?

At your current place, in your absence, more than house work related (which a maid can solve), it is people getting adjusted in raising kids. a 2 year old is lot of work for your mom, is she going to daycare for a while?

But for her kids, moms absence for weeks and months , they feel very empty inside. So if u are going to a new place, where u have already friends, they can search a home, good daycare etc things before u go and if all family goes together it is good idea.

 

You have done the right thing. We need to prioritise at different stages of our life. You did well in your career when you had to. Everyone's life is different and can't be compared. You did what you had to do in the best interests of your family.

I personally wouldn't leave my kids and DH with maids . It is not the maid's family. It is mine and I wouldn't allow anyone else to take my position in my family for such a long time. There is no end to career goals. But it is only a part of my life. I wouldn't allow it to engulf me completely.

Love this quote from Chetan Bhagat. '“Sometimes life is not about what u want to do but what u ought to do”

This is my opinion. Not to offend anyone else's decision in their life.

 

There are very personal decisions and what works perfectly for one family may not work for another. If I were presented with the same choices, I would opt for being home with my child especially when so young regardless of the money or the boost to my career. The reason is simple- even with a supporting husband, I will not be capable of making a decision that takes me away for months from my child (or husband) for a long perios and thankfully he is of the same mindset.

I am not saying as a mother you should sacrifice your career or pass opportunities. But you will have to prioritize. If you feel your husband can be irresponsible or lack patience with your children, that is a important point to consider. The total change at home and their routine will unsettle your children. Plus your mom is very sensitive too and does not always agree with your husband. I think all that leads to many uncertain factors.

In my opinion, this will work under your current circumstances if your husband is more reliable and responsible and can be the primary caregiver to your children. Mom or even maid should not be a factor in your decision-making because while they can help, they cannot replace the care that a parent provides.

The other alternative will be to move your family where you move that way it causes least disruption to your children. There are just my opinion keeping in mind that your children are really small.

 

Generally I would say follow ur dreams.

In your particular case ....u need to take a long hard look and see if its worth it.

 

I would not leave so small children as it would have a huge impact on their mental health. For kids under 7 I would stay away for max few days/a week, for older kids maybe 2-3 weeks, when they are teenagers maybe they could manage for a month or two. Cooking, cleaning etc are trivial but being with the child is something that cannot be "outsourced". The same apply also for the father.

Why can't your family join you immediately (or after a week or two)? When we moved abroad we got our visas etc at the same time. Yes, there are a lot countryspecific rules around this.