Iam having two kids (seond one is just 7 months).My parents helped me in bringing up first child...later I believed atleast my parents/inlaws will join my hands in taking care of two kids so went for 2nd child.but now everyone seem to ve diff priority. asking me to quit the job ..all my relatives intending so.. but i do personally feel nothing w.o job.. sometimes when I try to locate good/ the best creche arround ashok nagar I feel its better we quit.. so very often i get confused and lossing peace of mind..
Hi Kamala, Many mothers here are in similiar situations to yours, so dont feel alone. You do need to sit down and think abt how to manage your situation without getting completely emotional abt it. First of all make a list of all the pros and cons of staying at home and going to work (I'm taking a leaf out of Soaring Spirit's book here). That way you will understand what you want from your life and then you can start working out how tp acheive it. Secondly, parenting is a two-person thing, so get your DH involved. Sit down one weekend and talk to him abt what you and he want from life, your problems and how (in specific terms) you both can work to manage this situation. Once you have come to a decision then start looking for ways to implement it. Whichever path you choose there is going to be compromise on your part - we mothers cannot have it both ways. So make up your mind to solve problems as they arise and stop agonising over whether you made the right decision - there is no "right" decision. I also wanted to add that blaming your parents/ILs is not fair. Thay have done their parenting already by raising you and DH. So it is now their turn to be grandparents -supportive maybe - but with other priorities in their life. It is our job to parent our children and nobody else's. You could also look at other options - part-time work and/or hiring a maid to look after your kids with your mom/MIL supervising. Daycare/creche is another alternative. Do you have any friends/older women who are housewives in your area who would look after your kids for payment? It doesnt have to be "all or none". Take your time and think abt it....lots of us here to sympathise with you and help you. Good luck! Vanathi.
Dear Kamala, I can totally understand your dilemma and all the confusion and guilt that comes with it. Vanathi has provided excellent input. I could not agree more with all the points she has so meticulously noted. Vanathi, thanks for mentioning me in your reply. You are too nice and humble Vanathi. Kamala, coming back to your dilemma, I will just be reiterating Vanathi's thoughts here. So I will not elaborate much. All I will very fiercely tell you is that do not ever be in the guilt trap of not doing the right thing for your kids. As a Mom no matter what you do, you will always end up doing the right thing - knowingly or unknowingly. It comes to us naturally - to both parents I must say. So do not let anyone make you feel guilty about the decision you make. Also, before you quit your job do give it a serious thought whether you will truly be happy being a full time mom. An unhappy and dissatisfied mom is no good for the kid. Do not undermine your personal liking in this regard. If you think you will not be able to keep your sanity and happiness by being a full time mom, please do not do it. Your kid is any day better off having a happy and chirpy mom for a few hours than an unhappy one all day. There was a thread on similar lines several weeks ago in another forum which I'd recommend you go through. All the points listed in those posts may not be exactly appplicable to your situation but I think it will give you some good food for thought. Here is the link - http://www.indusladies.com/forums/married-life/22296-should-i-have-other-baby.html Good luck in your decision making process. I completely understand what a trying time this is for us Moms. Being a Mom of two young kids and having maintained a full time job all along, believe me I understand what you are feeling right now. Like Vanathi said, don't think only emotionally. Do give due consideration to the practical and feasibility aspect of any decision you take. SS
