Confused..Help me

Sanath · Apr 19, 2010

Hi Ladies.. First of all I wud like to Thank you and appreciate you all for ur suggestions and advices in helping out friends over here. :thumbsup Keep up ur good work.

I am a silent reader of this Forum for a long time now and this is my first post here. Coming to my problem :

I am married for 4 years. My DH is loving,caring and understanding. In short The best of a guy I have ever seen. Moment we are out of india on a short term project (DH) and I am a Home maker. I had an ok relationship with my in-laws earlier.

I have a sis-in-law who is married for 3 months and she lives in india too. Her's is a love marriage and my ILs were totally against it. She tried to convince my IL's for 3 years but in vain. Finally she left the house and got married. This happened when I was in India. By that time my DH had left India for his Project. The day she got married she called my DH and informed abt her marriage. That day I was in my mom's place. My DH called me immediately and told me to go to my ILs place which was quite near. They were not aware of the marriage by then. My DH was scared abt his parents since they are very emotional. So he wanted me to go to ILs place and told me that he would call them later and inform about My sis-in-law s marriage. And I did that too. I went with my mom and stayed there for the next 2 days until things got better.

Later on the problem started. My IL's strongly believe that I was the one who supported her in her marriage. They say that I knew everything earlier and thats the reason I went with my mom before even my DH called and informed abt it. And everything was planned by me. So they are angry on me now. After a few days of her marriage my IL's tried to call my Sis-in-law and passify her. They wanted her to come home but not with her DH.. to which my sis-in-law did not agree.

Before I left India my DH wanted me to meet my sis-in-law and chk if things are ok with her. And I did that too. She is quite happy with her DH.
After a couple of days of her marriage I too left India and joined my DH.
Until I left India my ILs were in talking terms with me.

When I left India my MIL was not well. I reached India and I called the very next day to enquire abt her health but she refused to talk. Only my FIL spoke to me.And later when My DH called them they started telling that I was the one who was responsible for this marriage and I did that because I wanted to save my DH s money (They say that I dont want my DH to spend money for her marriage) and all sorts of stupid things abt my parents too. They say that we changed my DH after marriage and that he is spending all the money for my parents etc etc. Out of these nothing is true. My Parents have nto got a single Rupee from us till date. From then on no talks with me or my parents.They speak only to my DH.

I was bit concerned but I left it just like that. And after a couple of days my Aunt had been to my ILs house. She stays nearby. They started complaining about me and my parents. And she started throwing away my things which I had kept thr. She had also told that she will not let me live with my DH. And she doesnt want me to go and stay in their house anytime. She has told all these to my Aunt. Now the problem is she is badmouthing about us to everyone whom she meets. Few of my relatives and my dad's friends met her in a marriage. She says all crap things which hurts my parents a lot. She has told much more which I cant write in here. Sometimes my mom cries. She is worried too much abt my future with my ILs . My parents have not spoken anything till date. The only reason being my DH is good.

I spoke abt these things to DH. When my DH asked my MIL whether she has spoke anything to such ppl , she says she did not even meet them.
She is in talking terms with my sis-in-law and she hides that from us. But my sis-in-law says everything to me. Infact we are happy if they talk to them. She has saved so much of money and has deposits and she doesnt want my DH to know abt it. She has all the properties in her name. This includes the properties which my husband made with his money. Anyways I m not bothered abt all these stuffs. I dont require that too. In short they are greedy and money minded.

Now I am confused as what to do. To be honest I dont feel like talking to her anymore . What should I do if I go to india? Should I try to talk to her inspite of all these? Ladies pls help me..

Sorry for such a long post..

Foundlove · Apr 19, 2010

Dear Sanath,
First of all calm down. Yes, you pretend like you know nothing and everything is ok. Do talk to her and visit her so Dh is on your side.

If she says something to you directly then deal with it.

Focus on your marriage nad create a strong bond. If Dh is on your side no one can do anything.

Take Care.

FL

asuitablegirl · Apr 19, 2010

I agree with FL. You don't have to be buddy buddy or lovey dovey with her, but talk in a regular way as you would when visiting anyone else on this earth. Basically, she is a blabbering idiot who can't bear to blame her own daughter, so is using you as her emotional scape goat. If she is gossiping all over town, eventually it will reach your dh's ears, and he will realize that his mom is up to no good. Already he has heard it from you, so when he hears it from a few more people it will really dawn on him that his mom is a liar and is trying to cause problems. Let your mil dig her own grave so to speak. The only reputation she is damaging by her endless gossip, is her own.

She has no power to take your dh away from you, unless you or your dh give her that control over your relationship. If she really had relationship breaking ability..... don't you think she would have been able to break your sil's marriage? She is a typical troublesome parent thinking that her kids are still 5 years old and she can pull down their pants and give them a spanking. Well, you know your dh better than anyone, and surely you realize he will not let anyone spank his bottom or take his wife away. Trust that he will remain the good man you married. And you do your part by being cordial with mil. If your dh is on your side, the battle is won.