Competing Co-sister

AyushiP · Feb 20, 2017

Hi,

I am married and my husband has elder brother. The problem is his wife, we are not living with them but its more like unavoidable relationship. She is 10 years elder than me, but she doesn't behave so. She expects me to respect her all the time but ignore me in every situation. Inorder to gain respect she doesn't smile at me and doesn't look at my face while talking and belittle me if I say something, where as she is not like that with other people even with my husband.

From the day one I met her she's like that. I soon realized she expects respect as elder daughter in law. But, I am the person who respects everyone regardless of age if they respect me and also I am attracted to people who is approachable. But, in her case she is more like seeking attention.

Only in the subject of "respect" she acts as older, other than that she competes with me. Whatever I wear today you can see her with tomorrow. Shoes, Handbags, Clothings, Jewelry even hairstyles.
I grew up wearing modern clothes so it didn't bother me when I moved to US and continue wearing it. She is from orthodox family and even once my MIL mentioned that she never worn such clothes, but now she is wearing clothes with visible inner wears and it looks so vulgar and sexy. I never ever wore like that and I realized when she wears tight leggings or shorts with visible inner wears she goes front of everyone's eyes and turns back and bends downs and show her cleavage. Initially I thought she is normally doing her things and I shouldn't think like that, but every time we go their place she does this in front my husband. Its like "hey look at my bu**".

As its unavoidable relationship, I can't do much from my side. But I have told my husband and he is also aware how she changed after i moved here and copies whatever I do.

I need your help how would you react to her or deal with her if you have such person in your life?

Thank you ladies

paru123 · Feb 21, 2017

What kind of dress was she wearing earlier. Why can't you help her with correct dressing tips. Or do you personally don't want her to be modern bcos she is 10 years elder to you. You can help her with a makeover. Talk to her and ask her to take you along when she shops next time. Help her with suggestions on how to dress up neatly.

guesshoo · Feb 21, 2017

Just ignore her. You don't seem to have a relationship with her to talk to her about it. She is being petty. Let her be. And you be yourself - keeping your self respect intact.

When it seems to all get too petty and annoying remember imitation is the best form of flattery. And move on.

kaveriudy · Feb 21, 2017

same problem here, mine is only six years elder than
me, she could compete with me with everything makeup dresses related. but would never miss a chance to play elderly card.wrost part is i have to touch her feet every time i meet her she kind of enjoys it. would make fun of me in front of others indirectly. it hurts me a lot

lukywife · Feb 21, 2017

I think you are the problem here. Women are their own worst enemies. Who are you to judge her dressing style? If she and her husband are comfortable, what is your problem then? People/couples having this insane habit of passing negative comments on other people's dressing and getting selfish pleasure out of it really need to find a better business or such nosy people should find a better way to keep themselves busy. I go for modest clothing only *because I don't feel comfortable with modern dresses*, but I strongly believe its the individuals right to choose what they want to wear. If you don't feel comfortable wearing something, *don't wear*. No one is stopping you. But pocking nose in others dressing is obnoxious. Sorry about the tone.

AyushiP said: ↑

Hi,

I am married and my husband has elder brother. The problem is his wife, we are not living with them but its more like unavoidable relationship. She is 10 years elder than me, but she doesn't behave so. She expects me to respect her all the time but ignore me in every situation. Inorder to gain respect she doesn't smile at me and doesn't look at my face while talking and belittle me if I say something, where as she is not like that with other people even with my husband.

From the day one I met her she's like that. I soon realized she expects respect as elder daughter in law. But, I am the person who respects everyone regardless of age if they respect me and also I am attracted to people who is approachable. But, in her case she is more like seeking attention.

Only in the subject of "respect" she acts as older, other than that she competes with me. Whatever I wear today you can see her with tomorrow. Shoes, Handbags, Clothings, Jewelry even hairstyles.
I grew up wearing modern clothes so it didn't bother me when I moved to US and continue wearing it. She is from orthodox family and even once my MIL mentioned that she never worn such clothes, but now she is wearing clothes with visible inner wears and it looks so vulgar and sexy. I never ever wore like that and I realized when she wears tight leggings or shorts with visible inner wears she goes front of everyone's eyes and turns back and bends downs and show her cleavage. Initially I thought she is normally doing her things and I shouldn't think like that, but every time we go their place she does this in front my husband. Its like "hey look at my bu**".

As its unavoidable relationship, I can't do much from my side. But I have told my husband and he is also aware how she changed after i moved here and copies whatever I do.

I need your help how would you react to her or deal with her if you have such person in your life?

Thank you ladies
Click to expand...

Nonya · Feb 21, 2017

When someone copies my outfit and accessories, the week after they saw me wearing them, I'd be amused, and somewhat pleased. After all,

“Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness.” ― Oscar Wilde

In this case the OP is strangely stuck up in her assumptions, because she does not know that the older cosister is jealous of the

younger's youth,

amreeki-life, and

having the younger of the two as the husband, and

more than what we have been told in OP.

If that poor, unfortunate, woman is flashing her cleavage at people now and then, she ought to be allowed to do that, without the younger cosister looking at that as uncouth.

JGVR · Feb 21, 2017

Ignore and reduce your visits.Have a talk with your husband and try to meet monthly once or 2 months once.Also answer only if she asks anything to you,else dont talk with her.