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Comparing Kids Over Skin And Weight ...

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by anika987, Sep 20, 2020.

  1. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    Genetics play a great role in the way one looks.

    Some people eat whatever they want and still look fit, flawless skin,Great hair.

    Some people have to work hard to maintain atleast decent skin and weight.

    When it comes to our kids, they are precious to us.

    As much as I can rant that skin color is not important,weight and height is not important..as a parent in my mind I try to do the best for her.

    She is also thin but I make sure she does not overeat but eats healthy,drinks enough water etc.

    My friend has a baby girl same age who is very fair and beautiful.I have seen the child eat and she gives lot of junk food like Cheetos,marshmallows and is very casual about she eats.Also,when the kid goes to school,she herself has mentioned breakfast will be mostly bread jam,oats and she gives school lunches. The child looks so chubby and cute.

    Yesterday when My cousin came to my house, my friend was also there.

    After my friend left..my cousin said “ Her child looks so pretty.She takes good care of her daughter.You should ask some tips from her to improve your dd complexion and also some weight gain.Also,start adding some cheese in her diet.She is so thin”

    That moment....my blood boiled.I was furious.I take utmost care about myself and why will not not care about my daughter! I give her such healthy food and I believe a child should be active even if she or he is thin.Also,I cannot help it if she is not blessed with a great complexion.


    I can only try my best and I feel the hard work I do for my daughter will show up in her teen years.I give her good calcium,protein,carbs,fiber etc.hope my hard work does not go to drain.

    I think and do with lot of care about what my DD will eat and she enjoys what I give her but it is not showing on her:(

    A mom can not tolerate about her daughter being talked about even in a good intention.I am not saying my cousin meant in a bad way,but I am not able to get over this irritation inside.

    Wanted to journal my thoughts..
     
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2020
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  2. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    From all your previous posts, your cousins have umpteen times done your comparison with others to put you down. You must avoid these toxic relatives- because they disturb your peace of mind. Your cousins statement is just so stupid. Be prepared from before they will be nasty- it is upto you to draw boundaries and discourage all discussions about your life. Please avoid them if you can Do not take these to mind..
     
    shravs3 and anika987 like this.
  3. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    From all your previous posts, your cousins have umpteen times done your comparison with others to put you down. You must avoid these toxic relatives- because they disturb your peace of mind. Your cousins statement is just so stupid. Be prepared from before they will be nasty- it is upto you to draw boundaries and discourage all discussions about your life. Please avoid them if you can Do not take these to mind..


    Also, do not internalise these things. Your child is beautiful- majority of the people in the world are various shades of dark. It is not a defect. Have to stop living in colonial mentality- it is upto our generation to change things. Fat and thin changes unbelievably in growing age.
     
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2020
    anika987 likes this.
  4. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    Big fight between me and my husband yesterday night and we have not spoken till now.

    He is all for family etc etc and he says we should not ignore or avoid,just not pay heed but am not able to tolerate them.

    Infact..this time I met them after two or three months only.Already I was annoyed meeting and this only added to the fuel.

    I get very irritated when I also try to justify I give her healthy food etc..am so angry at myself for that.

    I don’t know why I lose control around them and start the justification
     
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  5. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    This is a pattern with your relatives, isn’t it? I give the benefit of the doubt once in such cases. If it happens repeatedly and I absolutely cannot avoid the person then I give back.
    How did you react? I would have immediately called the cousin out. I would have asked her what made her think your child was lacking in any way. And kept pressing for an answer.
    The very few times I have had to do this the other person starts stammering and stuttering and then quickly changes the topic.
    They are taking advantage of your timid and polite nature.
     
    anika987 likes this.
  6. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    yes..I am
    More angry at myself for my nature and not speaking up.More than her..I feel like am not able to forgive myself for being meek and hate myself for that.hate getting tounge tied.
     
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  7. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Practice some responses for different scenarios in front of a mirror till you feel confident. Since these are predictable situations you can have some answers prepared and ready to go. Once they see you will not keep quiet then they will think twice before needling you.
     
    anika987 likes this.
  8. nuss

    nuss Finest Post Winner

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    Anika- if I were you I would have looked in this cousin’s eyes and said, “my daughter is absolutely healthy and beautiful. Her pediatrician would have told us if she weren’t healthy”.
    I would also suggest not looking down and comparing someone else’s parenting style. Your neighbor didn’t say anything so why put her down in your post? What she feeds her child is up to her.
    Our kids eat school lunch and they eat chips/ cookies/ marshmallows occasionally too along with a lot of fruits, vegetables, and home cooked meals. There is nothing wrong with it.
     
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  9. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    I had also mentioned her daughter looks beautiful.That should also be noted.

    I knew this comment would be raised by some IL and Infact edited many times to put it the right way..I never wanted to put her down but failed to use the right words.

    I just mentioned the food habits coz I felt coz the girl looks so cute and healthy coz of her genetics despite eating junk.So no matter what I try,My kid is very thin and can’t help it.

    When my cousin mentioned that I need to learn food habits from my friend,it hurt my feelings coz I try my best for my daughter just like anyone else.
     
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2020
  10. Swetha52003

    Swetha52003 Silver IL'ite

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    Anika,
    Next time, your cousin ( or anyone) mentions this, just tell that a thin child does not mean a child is unhealthy. My son ( 6 years) is on the lower side of weight, and I have heard so many comments like this from my immediate and extended family. I just tell them that his pediatrician is not worried and he is active and alert. I just tell them thanks for your concern, but me, his dad and his pediatrician is ok with his weight. And I don’t fume or break my head over these kind of comments, because they don’t deserve a minute of my attention.

    Anika, Is there a pattern in your threads? People are constantly mean to you and you are not able to do anything about it... hmmmm. Are you victimizing yourself a little too much?
     
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