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Co-sis Is Here, And I Am Nervous Already

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by SGBV, Jun 22, 2017.

  1. vniths

    vniths New IL'ite

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    Yes very true why should you slog at the kitchen when your not sure if she would really care that you cooked for her.. I have seen people commenting on Instagram just for name sake to stay connected thats all
     
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  2. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    When I feel nervous to cook for guests, something always goes wrong as the nerves gets in the way.

    So I try to imagine that I am cooking for my own family and forget that I am cooking for anyone else, and it always comes good as usual.

    That's a trick I always follow. And it works.

    If I have to serve guests like your co-sis, I will never cook, Just order in. I hate to put in all that effort and get criticised for it too.

    Since she requested, maybe you can order half and make half. Half the effort.

    But since she has also been nice to you from the beginning, it looks like she may not criticise when it comes to you.

    Regarding your co sis's behaviour with the pil's could also be 'reverse psychology" game. Maybe if she treats them like this, they won't interfere in their life and leave them be.
     
    sindmani likes this.
  3. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Last time I ordered for the same reason.
    But 2 months later when my other BIL and co-sis were here, I cooked for them. It turned out to be delicious and my other co-sis appraised it by saying my food remembered her mom's cooking.
    She would have told the same to this co-sis perhaps.
    Or as she says, she may have seen my instagram pics of my cooking/special dishes/recipes. So, honestly wanted to try my food.
    Since she requested it personally and openly, I can't deny it, right? That's why I am planning to cook
     
  4. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    This is exactly what I think too.

    She has always been nice with me, and we are never became close yet, but our relationship has always been neutral.

    I will not side with my PILs blindly though. They made my life hell in similar manner when I looked different to them. In fact, I felt extremely uncomfortable at their place due to the differences, food etc, but they were the people who criticized and condemned me all the time.
    Somehow our relationship became neutral over the time, and we've learnt to respect each other.

    I don't know for sure, but I always think my MIL is getting back whatever she has given to me and my other co-sis in the past.
    This co-sis is no diff from my MIL. If she is silent, perhaps MIL would start her game.. Who knows.
     
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  5. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Did the AC work? The washroom floor - was it wet or dry? Generally, if there is a properly working AC and the bathroom floor is not always wet, people from phoren are happy. They take long naps, drink lots of water, ask funny questions about the news on TV, and are extra nice and say please/thank you to the startled maid servant.

    You hear her comments and behavior daily from PILs home because they live next door and sound carries... or is there a human carrier/conveyor/messenger of said comments and behavior?
     
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  6. charanya147

    charanya147 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi.....

    Just be relax.....whatever you wanna cook for them. ....just have a trial before a week or previous days........have a opinion with others like ur hubby or ur dear friends. ....by this way you can be cool on the d day........and morover when your close ppl gives positive comments on your cooking. .......you feel enthusiastic. .....
    As you have said they are your guests, just treat them as the guest. ...don't confuse them as ur bil or co sis. ....
    Your anxiety will ruin your cooking skill as cooking will be good if we are happy.
    You will definitely gets a chance to criticise her in future if she misbehaves with you. ....
    Stay positive luck will be in your side...

    Thanks
     
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  7. fourthaugust

    fourthaugust Gold IL'ite

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    Well...do you really want to slog in the kitchen the entire day? Why don't you cook something that is not much time consuming...let her critise..at least you will be relieved that you did not waste your day on something like this. Also keep an answer ready for her criticism too or better ask her to cook for you guys one day since you are so very curious to taste the food cooked by her. Chill dear. If she criticises her elders , she might do the same to you is stay open to her criticism or rather ask her to cook for everybody one day.
     
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  8. anuyogam1988

    anuyogam1988 Gold IL'ite

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    Completely understand. I don't like when people criticize or give suggestions on cooked food. When I get such suggestions from relatives, I advise them straight like "When me and my husband cook for our guests with love, don't criticize the cooked food. Tell good things. Think positive things. Criticizing is rude. I don't appreciate this." I have told this to my inlaws too. Honestly cutting such behaviour right away works great. Be kind. Be honest. Don't encourage rudeness.
     
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  9. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks everyone for your response. I feel a little confident after hearing from all of you. Also, I've spoken my heart out with hubby and he suggested me to cook what I would cook usually for the other guests. He appreciated my cooking style and reminded how some guests were praising it before.
    Also, he said this particular co-sis criticizes almost everyone on everything. So her criticism on my food is not gonna be a big deal for others. In fact, the others (BIL, other BIL and his wife, our family members and PILs - who will be present as guests during "that" day.) will not gonna take her criticism seriously. Rather they will feel bad about her bad manners only.
    He has asked me to ignore this, as we really don't know whether she will criticize or not.

    As @anuyogam1988 suggested, I am gonna be a kind host, but when such rudeness comes from anyone, I would not encourage that. I am sure my H and PILs would be on my side in this matter anyway.
     
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  10. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Rihana, we live in a city with so many posh people living nearby. So, we know the basic standards of living a healthy life in a hygienic manner. More so, we and our PILs have almost 1/2 of the relatives living abroad; thus we frequently have visitors from the west coming to our place.
    So, our house is always ready to host these guests from the west.

    We know the weather difference, dust, sweat, and all the other differences like water, spices, life style etc..etc..
    So, we sincerely take some efforts beforehand to make our guests comfortable in our place by ensuring everything is comfortable.

    No matter what, we can't make our country similar to Swiss or UK. It is different.
    The guests needs to have basic courtesy and manners to embrace this difference since they came here.
    There will be loads of discomforts if you step out of your home/country/continent even for a short vacation. I know, it is difficult, but being blunt and sharp like this is a bad manners.
    You definitely need to posses the sense of adjustment and diplomacy when it comes to practical issues as this.
    This is the basic expectation we hosts have from the guests.

    For your info: We have loads of foreigners (I mean the whites) visiting our country and roaming in our streets in the name of tourism.
    Our guests are born here (India), lived here (India) and migrated to UK during their teen years only. So, they should have some idea about what they can expect here.

    For your info: The AC works properly, and the bathroom floor is dry.. and it is an attached western bathroom, so it is their (guests) responsibility to keep it dry and clean as they please.

    Of course I hear many things and witness something live too, because we visit each other daily since our PILs house is next door.
    Further MIL and my H comes and complains of the drama there, of course they won't open up completely but with whatever they say in distress, I could connect the dots.
     
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