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Co-sis coming soon-want to give her some feedback.Should i?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by gauridinesh, Aug 19, 2013.

  1. complainBaby

    complainBaby Bronze IL'ite

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    clearly A indirect taunt , she is not sweet ...............stay away from her
     
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  2. praveenadevagir

    praveenadevagir New IL'ite

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    Hello gowri, One thing I want to tell you is just stay away and don't slip a word. Just see what she can do.. but you just keep quiet and don't even try to console her.
     
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2013
  3. GoldenMist

    GoldenMist Silver IL'ite

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    stay away...you said your PILs are 'no problem' creatures but at the same take care that there is no clash between you and PIL just because her.It seems she is trying to do 'divide and conquer'...
    if se says to you 'as you mentioned' which you never did, remind her then and there that you never said anything like this. Also she is newborn in the world of marriage and responsibility.

    Let her learn on her own.Be careful.If she wants to be 'Adarsh bahu let her be.You do not have to change yourself.After all being DIl is not another name of'pleasing everybody'
     
  4. Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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    shhh! you have opportunity to see K serial drama in real life.Dont ruin opportunity.
     
  5. gauridinesh

    gauridinesh Platinum IL'ite

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    ladies. thanks a lot for your answers.
    Again have some more updates (apologies if it gets long and boring,but u r the only ppl to whom i can vent and ask for feedback)..I joined my hubby in US..so not much interaction with the in-laws..
    1) my Co-sis had initially told me that she wants to resign coz she wants to completely spend time with my PILs. I call up my PILs every saturday. (just once a week,but i do it to keep things sane with H). So my MIL says "N is looking for a job.She has registered in some sites and attended some interviews"..And in my mind I go "he he he.what happened.enough time spenty "fully" with in-laws?" But it does nag me in the back of my mind that she never told of this to me.Well,I give her the benefit of the doubt - may have forgotten,or feeling sheepish that she contradicted herself.I decide not to care :)
    2) She whatsapps me "I am going to bangalore on 27th. for four weeks. Going to spend time with my sis and cousins.Atleast I can escape from here!" . I reply "cool enjoy.say hi to your sis from me". :)
    3) She calls me. YES, does an International call to speak to me.And says "i am now at my parents place.It was so horrible there deedi.blah blah blah..yada yada yada..but you know, when i was going to leave, MIL became very senti. You know, she even called me today 4 or 5 times.When she was going to make tea in the morning,she called me and said "I remembered u since u make tea everyday"..When i heard that i also felt bad...etc etc".And 'ting!' a thorn in my heart. Coz my MIL has NEVER called me when I was in india.She would call and say "hello, is diya (my dd) there?I want to talk to her". NEVER called to enquire about health. Even when i was hospitalised during pregnancy/had a surgery..Never called me at all..SO I feel my first pang of jealousy...And then I wonder" Jealous? of what? for the attention of my MIL whom I actually have a very superficial relationship with? What would my fellow IL forum friends think of this..they would all ask me to forget about it and get a life"(seriously - this is what went thru my head). And I was happy :)
    So conclusion of today's incidents - let co-sis and MIL bond as much as they want, or fight as much as they want. I would like to remain the outsider and watch as long as they dont drag me into some unnecessary fight..Much more at peace now!!!
     
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  6. krishyprat

    krishyprat Senior IL'ite

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    I would be happy if my MIL or FIL or SIL get their own lives and stop worrying abt me n my husband I would be happy if I dont get attention from people I am least bothered about I so wish I had a co sis and my MIL gave all her attention to her because I dont give a s**t and I care a d**n!
     
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  7. Visu2k

    Visu2k Gold IL'ite

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    I am not sure if anyone else mentioned this as I didn't read this thread completely.

    One needs to be careful about people who put little attention into what they are saying. People like these are loose canons. This is because, it is very easy to get carried away and inadvertently reveal something to them that you won't otherwise reveal. They would then carry what you said to others, may be because they didn't know any better, don't put much care about what they are saying or worse they want to intentionally twist what you said.

    Just be careful in what you talk with this girl. Be friendly and helpful to her, hear her grievances, but don't make any comments about others or try to explain what you already know about others in the extended family. I mean don't make any comments about your MIL, BIL, SIL or any of your relatives in front of her.

    Also, it may be possible that you may give some solutions to her problems and she may point the finger at you when things don't work out as expected.
     
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  8. gauridinesh

    gauridinesh Platinum IL'ite

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    ok..am back with co-sis updates..I just need to vent!
    Todays whatsapp
    N: "Hi deedi.how r u"
    me: "good.how are you?how is bangalore trip?"
    N:"enjoying.missing H though"
    me:"oh dont worry.How is R(my BIL)?"
    N:"he calls everyday.but still i feel like he is neglecting me.i m super possessive about him".
    Me:"smiley :). what is the status of ur visa? ( I know stupid me.should not hav asked anything)"
    N :"Oh i dont know. I dont think he is taking me with him. He says he wants someone at home and that he does not want to leave mom and dad alone. I also feel the same,I should support him if he wants to take care of his parents".
    Me : WTF????? (dint tell her..just remained silent.did not respond)
    N: "You know, R told me that i should be a daughter and not daughter-in-law to mom and dad."
    Me: "good. isnt that what we all want"
    N: ok..then.catch u later.

    I dont know if this was a normal conversation and the last two comments somehow seemed like an indirect taunt to me. But I m really really irritated with the comments.I cant tell anyone else..so this is the place to vent!!!! sorry if I seem crazy!!!
     
  9. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Gauri,

    We need more OP's like you.. who are smart enough to predict responses and be happy by following those:
    and also come back with updates:
    :)

    Where is Ragini? She would agree - FB is evil, and whatsapp more evil. :) Mix those with in-laws and a 'd' begs to join the 'evil'.
     
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  10. chillbreeze

    chillbreeze Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Gauri..ignore the last two comments. We all know by now, a dil can't be a daughter. She too will realize as time goes. Or if she indeed becomes like a daughter, then no worries for you about you ils welfare. She'll take care of them and you don't need to feel bad/guilty that you are not close with them. Btw, I liked your last comment, "Isn't that what we all want". If she has been expecting some gyan on how dil can't be DD and your mil won't treat her like that, she was sadly mistaken. She may have been even disappointed that you didn't rise to the bait.:cheers
     
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