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Co-sis coming soon-want to give her some feedback.Should i?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by gauridinesh, Aug 19, 2013.

  1. AkilaMani

    AkilaMani Local Champion Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    As everyone else has said, Keep Quiet. She seems to be fishing for information, for what..... only she can answer, but we can make a smart guess. So better to be cautious now than sorry later. Best wishes.
     
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  2. gauridinesh

    gauridinesh Platinum IL'ite

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    Everyone- each one you, thanks for the inputs!! Like I've mentioned in the post - she is really sweet to be true.
    But since I know how it is to be judged before we go into a new family, I thought I should be fair to her. Thats why for now - I am going to just believe that she is sweet. I'll just avoid all 'fishing for information" questions for now and then try and let her learn things by herself.

    But I do get a small uncomfortable feeling somewhere .Latest incident :

    I work in an IT MNC. and since my PILs place is two hours away, we dont stay with them. My parents stay nearby - I leave my kids at my moms when I go to office. Earlier when we were in chennai, we would visit our parents for vacations. But I would usually just stay for a day or two at my PILs and then come over to my mom's place (the vacation would be for 5 days.and I DEFINITELY do not want to spend all of it at my PILs). In total, I am generally seen as someone who doesnt spend much time at my PILs (feedback from husband AND PILs). A few days back the wud-be co-sis called me, and since my BIL works in the middle east, she ws talking about delays in getting family visa etc. Thats when she told me "I will join him only after 2 months of marriage. I will be staying at PILs". She is right now working in a company near to her parents place (which is an hour from my PILs place). So I asked her " so are you going to resign your job or are you going to continue till you join him in the middle east?". She said " No no..I am going to resign definitely. I want to stay the complete 2 months at PILs only. I may visit my parents some time, but according to me after marriage, I dont think the girl should be staying with her own parents. Its bad and not our culture,right?"...It was said in her usually "sweet" tone.. And i dont know if it was my mind over reacting.. but I sensed a small tinge of 'accusation' in it. Could be just in my head. But still, it rang alarm bells for me and after this, I am being Super super superr careful with her...
     
  3. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    :bonk :bonk You are really the sweet one! She is taking you for a merry ride and shaadi tho abhi baaki hai (wedding is not yet over).

    Do not ask such meaty questions.. you give her ammunition. If she says "I will join him after 2 months. I will stay at PILs place", nod nicely. If on the phone, say "ok ok..hey, did you watch Chennai Express yet?"
     
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  4. aniShekar

    aniShekar Platinum IL'ite

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    That not just "sweet" - that's arsenic!! You're right in being wary...
     
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  5. 123thirumala

    123thirumala Silver IL'ite

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    keep quiet time will teach them
     
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  6. sheztheone

    sheztheone Platinum IL'ite

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    This is clearly a sneak preview of what is gonna happen after she gets married.
    Don't want to sound negative, but from your posts it sounds like she will gang up with IL family against you.

    It is better to keep your distance-how you have been doing so far.
     
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  7. parvathi1980

    parvathi1980 Platinum IL'ite

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    ooohhh...she seems to be a troublemaker...stay away and keep conversations to a minimum with her.
     
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  8. shantana

    shantana Platinum IL'ite

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    maybe she is not a sweet person at all, and a total phoney?
    i have seen so many people like this. why, my own sister is that kind of person also. she will put on sweet smile on her face and will try to please everyone at the first meeting. when she first met my mil before i was married, she hugged my mil and sil before leaving, and i standing there looking like a dumb arrogant girl. i cant bring myself getting too close with people at first meeting, but she can sweet talk anyone. but one shud see her realself and will hate her to the core.
    im not judging your soon to be co-sis, but im telling u that u dont know her personally. so its better that u have that "cordial" kind of relationship with her as well. and get to know her first.
     
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  9. shantana

    shantana Platinum IL'ite

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    never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake - napolean bonaparte
     
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  10. RadiantFlower

    RadiantFlower Platinum IL'ite

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    Love this!
     
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