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Choosing Between Mom and Wife

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Kamalji, Dec 25, 2014.

  1. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Choosing Between Mom and Wife


    Today at park my seventy plus old friend read out this Whats app joke to me, which had us all in peals of laughter. First let me post it in English here.



    Aaj ki Smart Bahu ( Today’s Smart Daughter in Law)


    [FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
    Ek Bahu Aur ek Saas,
    Aur unke putra Shri prakash,
    Baith the Udaas.



    Achanak Maa ne kaha ki Kalpana karo ki,
    Hum aur Bahu, dono ganagaji nahane jaye,
    Humara pair phisal jaye,
    Aur hum dono doobne lagne jaye,
    To tu apna dharm kaisa nibhaiga,
    Doobti hui maa aur biwi mein kisko bachaiga ?



    Mehrban, kadardan, sahiban



    Ladka tha pareshan,
    Uske dimag mein koi yukti nahin ayi,
    Kyonki,
    Ek taraf tha khooua ( well),
    Aur ek taraf this khai,



    Achanak biwi ne mooh khola,
    Aur yun boli,
    Hey patidev,
    Aap apna dharma shravan kumar ki tarah nibhana,
    Doobti hui maa our biwi mein,
    Apni maa ko hi bachana.
    Maa ki mamtaki laj ko mat lajana,
    Aur humara kya hai, hum to jawan hai,
    Maut se bhi jooj jayenge,
    Aur hume bachane to jinhe tairna bhi nahin ata,
    Who bhi kood jayenge !!!!



    In short in English, the mother asks her son, what if me and yr wife are drowing same time same place, whom will u save.
    The son is flustered for one side is the well, and one side is the deep sea. He will bein trouble with both if he chooses to save one.


    Then the wife says, u can save the mother, for don’t worry about me, I am young and pretty, even those who do not know how to swim , will jump in to save me.



    But though I lauged at it, these matters are pretty serious eh ! The son is caught between the devil and the deep sea, now who is what don’t ask me. After marriage , within a year , we shifted to Jaipur, to make our own life , bunglow and business, and we have been independent since then. So no tiffs there between my mother and wife. And yes, I would not prefer to live again in a joint family, thought both ladies are very good, I am the apple of their eye, but sparks will fly sometimes, and how can I choose one over the other eh !love is still strong with mom, what with the distance, she still hides imported chocolates and other goodies that guests bring, to Mumbai home, for I am away from her.So I get more goodies from her, bcs of the distance.HAHA




    It is fun staying away from parents, for u become more responsible in life. You have to earn,learn to fend for yourself,to educate yr children, not having yr mom go to parent teacher meet, u manage to take caer of thekids, and their maids and cretches, or however. And whatever the wife makes, is fine with the hubby, he dare not complain, and the wife is happy to bein charge of the kitchen, thehouse and the finances and above all, in total control of her husband. No mother in law to feed his ears against her.



    Today’s money constraints and expensive home prices force many couples to live with the husbands parents, sharing a small house, and there are daily frictions in many homes. I guess here, the DIL has to be the one with patience, for the house does not belong to her husband, she has tow ait till the inlaws are no more, and he inherits the house, but with medical science prolonging lives, it will be very long before the house becomes hers .



    It would be wise for the parents to buy even a one room apartment for the not married son, and after marriage tell him, son go an shift there, to avoid future problems before they arise, so there is peace at home. The parents have their own way of living, the young couples their own way, so let each live life their own way.



    In a way, the mother should be happy, that now the wife has come, let her take care of her son. Duty and responsibility is transferred. It is like , now let me do my things, like bhajan, kirtan, friends and kitties all thati missed while I took care of him. But somehow, feeling of jelousy comes in, that my son nowlistens more to his wife than to me.



    I don’t have a son, so this situation wont arise for me. And I dontmiss having a son, my daughters are equally good and responsible and responsive. But I feel sorry for the sons, caught between the mother and the wife. He is as they say, in No Man’s Land.


    Another joke I heard today in the park is like this



    Pair (legs) hone chahiye Garam,


    Aur sar Thanda,
    Agar doctor aa jaye,
    To marna use Danda !!

    Meaning to avoid cold and doctors, keep yr feet warm, and yr head cold.
    Well if we keep our head cold, and we wear no muffler or caps and hats in this cold season, I guess Adidas and Nike bosses will be soon begging on the streets !






    Take caer my friends, keep yr head cool, remember my gold words.

    Merry Christmas.

    KAMAL MAHTANI

    Santa – if marriages are made in heaven, what is made in hell
    Banta- The days after marriage ?



    Why is Santa always a man ?
    Because no woman will wear the same clothes year after year !!!!



    MC
    BC
    Are consider curse words, correct. But today they mean
    MC- Merry Christmas
    BC= Before Christmas !!!!!



    Wife to Drunk Husband – From now on, if yr lips touch liquor, they wont touch my lips
    Husband – AWWWWWWWWW ?
    Wife – what are u thinking ???
    Husband – Deciding ……..
    Wife – deciding what ?
    Husband –
    18 year old scotch
    Or
    50 year old lips !!!!!!
     
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  2. GoogleGlass

    GoogleGlass IL Hall of Fame

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    You have been lucky Kamalji :)

    Between mom and wife I would dive into bachelorhood Kamalji :):):)

    That is neither a deep well nor a wide ocean but a lovely brook full of fun and friends...
     
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  3. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Kamalji you are smart in living far away from your mom to escape from being trapped in a saas bahu saga. But the question arises what if the DIL: is middle aged instead of young and the MIL is old. Both of them fall into the river. Whom will the husband save"
     
  4. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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    I agree that it is not a good set up having adult children living with you, But this sentence made be think you need to go one step further: "It would be wise for the parents to buy even a one room apartment for the not married son, and after marriage tell him, son go an shift there, to avoid future problems before they arise, so there is peace at home."

    A young man having his parents making decisions for him (like buying an apartment) and staying with his parents until his marriage is not yet ready for marriage. He needs to first learn how to stand on his own feet. Get his own home (be it a small rented place somewhere), need to learn how take care of himself (cooking, cleaning, laundry, home maintenance). When he has learned to be an adult taking care of himself then he is ready for marriage.
     
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  5. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear GG,

    that is a good answer that is bachelorhood eh ! Smart chap u are. HAHA

    Regards

    kamal

     
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  6. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Balaji,

    Yes i was smart eh ! rather my dad was smart, he was the one who put me to banvas from mumbai, to the small city called Jaipur. Dil is middle aged, and mil is old, yes that is the tricky question.HAHA

    Regards

    kamal

     
  7. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Crayoness,

    Welcome to my post.

    We talk in the indian context, where marriage expenses are born by parents as also higher education. And at the time of marriage, kids are dependent on parents.

    So in that context, is what i say, that if the parents can, they can buy a home for the kids, rather than wishing for a cosy relationshio with the DIL.

    And that is what happened to me, dad built me this bunglow, for my feet were shaky then, and then slowly i leanrt to fend for myself.

    You are right in what u say, but how many boys and girls, at age 27 or so when they marrry, being just 2 or 3 years into a job, have any money to buy a house ?

    Regards

    kamal

     
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  8. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    For a MIl bent on quarrelling, living in a separate city, state or continent is not a deterrent. They can create problems from the place they live.If they don't know the methods, our TV serials will teach.Of late TV serials show men as calm, docile while women, both DIl and MIL are depicted in a very bad shape -some thing short of terrorists.
    MIl-Dil conflict is based essentially on prejudiced preformed notion nurtured and nourished without any rhyme or reason on most of the cases. Even with 5% understanding on each side all the differences are sure to vanish.

    Jayasala 42
     
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  9. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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    What has the paying of the education/marriage to do with this? If you are 27 year old and having been earning a salary for 2-3 years why do you expect your parents to buy a house for you?

    You were saying that the duties and responsibility of taking care of the "man" is transferred from the mother to the daughter-in-law. Is a man somekind of helpless creature that needs someone to take care of him?
     
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  10. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra Finest Post Winner

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    Dear Kamalji,

    Leave and cleave has been discussed for the past 2,000 years without any success. When a man gets married, he promises to share happiness and care during the times of tribulations with his wife. As you rightly pointed out, his emotions are very high when he had to struggle to keep up his Sankapla without compromising the love for his mother. It creates conflict internally but he had to do what is right.

    Your father was very smart as he knew prevention is better than cure. Some experience the pain before they decide to leave and cleave while others prefer to stick with the family with all day to day conflicts. Some MILs accept the DIL gracefully realizing happiness of son gives her happiness a well. When a mother loves her son and refuses to accept his better half as part of him, the conflict continues forever. Most importantly, the newly married spouse needs the support of her husband as she prefers not to share her problems with her parents. Even if she does, it creates more friction. It is the man who has the responsibility to resolve the problem for his wife instead of asking her to deal with it herself with his mother.

    The physical distance from the parents gives time for the newly married to understand each other better and lead a peaceful life if there is conflict in a joint family. If mother and wife decide to peacefully coexist under one roof, men has no role to play.

    Viswa
     
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