Children in tears

Cheeniya · May 23, 2010

Dear Malliga
I fully agree with your last para. Why would I get you wrong for speaking the truth? In Rotary, we have been taught 'Don't give them fish; but teach them how to fish'. But sometimes it may so happen that money needs to be given to save a child from dying of starvation. At that point in time, the child won't be in a frame of mind to learn any lessons. Food becomes the most important need. I have seen it immediately after tsunami.

Parents who beat the children are no different from Hiranyakasibu who kept harassing his child Prahlad into admitting his supremacy over Lord Narayana. Everyone knows about Narasimha Avatar. Whenever I see a parent beating a child, I immediately look at the nearby pillar if Lord Narasimha would manifest again to grab the stick from the parent and break it into two!
Sri

Padmini · May 23, 2010

Dear Cheeniya sir,
You have written this from the view of a grand father.What children need most are the essentials that grandparents provide in abundance. They give unconditional love, kindness, patience, humor, comfort, lessons in life. But nowadays are very smart so what I feel is parents should be strict to them. At the same time I am not for beating the children. ( My son murmurs," this you are writing with a sarcastic tone )
In the case you have mentioned, poor lady she was rude because of her inability to give the child more food!! You have done a noble thing by giving her money though it might useful for one day or two days. I also used to feel guilty, whenever I come across this sort of situation. To relieve my pain and their agony I donate some money.
Your description of your GD, brought to my memory the song og Bharathidasan," Thlai vaari poochooti padasaalaikku po enru sonnal un annai, silai pola ean angu ninrai, nee sindhaadha kannerai ean sindhugirai "
with love
pad

Cheeniya · May 24, 2010

Dear Padmini
I have actually written it from the view of a grandchild and what it would expect from a grandfather. Before I was born, I lost both my grandfathers and only my maternal grandmother was alive. She was also too sick to spend time with us. I had starved for the love of my grandparents. My maternal grandpa whose name I bear died when I was kicking around in my mum's womb! She would say that I have inherited all his qualities particularly his love for fellow humans in general and children in particular.

Being strict to children is one thing but being abrasive about it is another. Gandhiji was a strict disciplinarian but he never enforced it abrasively. Parents also have the habit of taking it out on children when they are at loggerheads. I am very much against this habit of making the children guinea pigs in elders' quarrels.

That was a nice line from the great Bharathidasan.
Sri

Amma15 · May 25, 2010

Dear Cheenya Sir,

You have let me peep into your heart. Thank you.

I too cannot bear children crying - mine or anyone elses. Rich or poor. Its worse when they cry because of hunger. When I started my med course I had great visions of being a Pediatrician. First day in the child health department put an end to this ambition of mine. I just couldn't bear it. I cried with them. Became a nonclinician. Then came motherhood. My friends and family used to tease me. Because I used to overfeed the children - apparently you are supposed to feed them only when hungry! Well I couldn't bear to hear them cry. And as you rightly described -the first day of school. Its a nightmare. I hated it. I took our older son the first day and that too only when he turned four. When he cried I brought him back and did not send him again. Till a friend's father, who was a retired headmaster took over from me! Left to myself I may have made a mess of the children. Thank God my husband took over disciplining them.
History repeats itself! The Paeds Prof in our institution told me," Usha, your son will make a good pediatrician!" When I told him, he said," No ma, I cant bear to see them cry !"
Enjoyed sharing my thoughts with you,

Regards,
Usha

Cheeniya · May 25, 2010

Dear Usha
A lovely FB. Thank you!

Sometimes I wish that kids must be born as teenagers so that I do not have to encounter the crying infants! But I guess that the joy of watching the children grow make us tolerate their occasional crying. Your list does not include the ear-boring ceremony. That is the most harrowing experience I have ever gone through in life. For one moment, the child will be enjoying all the fun and all of a sudden it is seated on the lap of the uncle and the goldsmith armed with some deadly weapons attacks the shocked child. What irritates me most are the smiling faces all around. How do I know all this when I am nowhere around the scene? I watch it on the video with my vision blurred by tears.

Happy to hear that your son keeps up the lofty ideals of the family. I always tell every one that a person who sheds tears at the sufferings of children can be trusted to any extent.
Sri

ojaantrik · Jun 10, 2010

This was a moving piece Sri. Not merely because it was written so poignantly. It moved me a lot more because you wrote about a subject that has a personal implication for me. It's so personal that I don't think there are many people I can even share it with. The tearful face of a small child being beaten mercilessly by his father. The ritual continuing every day, making neighbours lose their sanity. And after each beating, the father himself broke down invariably for having beaten the son he love more than his own life. Yet, cruel fate, prodded by human machination, had forced him into a corner, turning his life totally meaningless. And for totally innocent errors, the father used to take out the hatred he felt for the whole world on the little child.

When you stood on judgement over the errant mother, you were right without a doubt. But you were wrong too. You failed to enter the heart of he woman and try and figure out how she could be so cruel to her own child. Of course, no amount of suffering endured by an adult can justify tortures inflicted on a child. It cannot be forgiven, but adults should at least make an attempt to understand another adults' suffering. Beating one's own child causes pain for the perpetrator of the crime, unbearable pain, unforgettable pain.

I am sure that you too are not a stranger to suffering and pain like most of us. But when you sit on judgement over a mother who beat her child, you must also understand that she herself has passed the same judgement on herself before you arrived. And let me assure you that the punishment she awards herself is life long suffering. She cannot forget the tear washed face of her child. When parents beat their children, they are beating themselves far more painfully.

Human tragedy is truly boundless. Let's not sit on judgement.

oj

oj

Cheeniya · Jun 16, 2010

My dear OJ
If a man, as you say, had been forced into a corner by cruel fate prodded by human machination turning his life totally meaningless, is that enough justification for him to take his ire out on a hapless young child? You go on to say that “for totally innocent errors, the father used to take out the hatred he felt for the whole world on the little child”! I find it extremely hard to agree with your view point OJ. We may have a hundred strong reasons to feel frustrated with the world and there are a hundred ways to expend our frustration but beating an innocent child is certainly not one of them. Let him face the problem squarely and deal with it with an iron hand. He has no business to make another human being suffer with him because of his own inadequacies. I am not surprised that such a man lands himself in such a despicable situation. And his breaking down after beating his son is callous to say the least. He does not deserve our sympathy. I have seen parents who hide all their misery in order that their children do not get affected by it at all. But for such great parents, we wouldn’t be hearing of children of cobblers and sanity workers making it to IIT and IAS! I can give you the example of my own mother who toiled hard to bring us up but in all her life, she never even uttered a harsh word against us.

Remember ‘Life is beautiful’, the Oscar winning movie of Robert Benigni? He won the Oscar for the Best Actor as a father of a young child who gets booked by the Nazis and sent to the Concentration Camp. He keeps his child with him in the camp but never allows him to suffer the indignities of the camp. In the last scene, he is led to the gallows and as his laughing child watches, he walks towards his death jauntily like a jester. A shot is heard and all is quiet as our eyes get filled with tears. Please don’t dismiss it as mere fiction. The Nazi concentration camps were full of stories of such supreme sacrifices.

I have never tried to stand on judgment over the mother who beat her child due to her inability to feed it. On the contrary, when I heard her story, I just said “I became speechless on hearing this and was filled with remorse”. I agree with you totally that human tragedy is boundless.
Sri

ojaantrik · Jun 17, 2010

Be assured that I agree with every word you have said.

oj

ShailRaghuvansh · Jun 19, 2010

Dear Cheeniyaji,

I was so moved reading your post. I could almost feel all that you went through and imagining you crying seeing your grand daughter cry was what moved me the most. You won't believe it - All grandparents are not as sensitive as you are or atleast, don't show it.

I really appreciate your sensitivity and your ability to share it with all of us.

Wishing you lots of happy non-crying moments (crying with joy is ok) with your grand daughter.

Regards,
Shail

Cheeniya · Jun 20, 2010

Dear Shail
Believe me if there is one thing that disconcerts me deeply, it is the sight of a crying child.
This includes children crying for getting what they want! I agree that mothers can get irritated no end when they perceive their child's crying as 'unreasonably demanding'. As we grow older, this trait is looked upon as a very positive feature and we are branded as 'go getters'!

Probably this is one of the reasons why we call the child as the father of man! Thanks a lot for coming in and for your appreciative words.
Sri