Cautious spending: Am i wrong??

Dear IL's,

I am sure many of you reading this post would rather find this post amusing. My DH is one of the nicest persons I have ever met. He is a very caring and loving person.. Touchwood!!! But as they say no man is perfect he too has his share of small flaws ( I think these are flaws.. ). One of them is his lack of financial planning. I am exactly opposite to him in this matter. So he feels I am a spendthrift.

Yes..I am a cautious spender. I don't like to splurge money unnecessarily on clothes or jewellery. I am more of the "saving" kind. I like to save money, keep them in banks as deposits. I always feel one should have enough money at hand incase god forbid some medical emergency arises out of nowhere. This attitude didn't come overnight. I have my justifications for the same. When my DH had severe health issues, I didn't have anybody to ask me if I needed any help. I was working then..so I didn't bother abt money at all. I was ready to splurge whatever I had including gold given by my parents just to ensure my DH was hale and hearty. And by gods grace, everything went fine. My parents did whatever little they could do since around the same time my sisters marriage was on the cards and dad had almost exhausted his savings. My in-laws did nothing to help us.. they contributed their share by blaming me for his health woes since my great MIL felt DH fell ill because he was sad he didn't have a child ( rather I cudn't bear him a child ). Well past is past, but that event has left a lasting impact on my mind. That was perhaps the most difficult period in my life. Since then, I have become very very cautious in my spending habits not only thinking abt my DH but also abt my parents. My dad is a pensioner. He doesn't have a son, only we two daughters. God forbid, if some medical emergency arises, then only we are there to help them. Also on my in-laws side, we only support them financially. Just last year end my FIL got his cataract surgery done..my DH only bore the expenses. I am absolutely fine with it since I feel it is his duty to take care of his parents. Similarly I feel its my duty to take care of my parents. Also as many of you may know, I am in TTC way.. doc has suggested IVF...if no other way out, will have to go or it. Planning all this, I am keeping a strict vigil on my finances. As i am not working now, i have become even more vigilant. But my husband feels i am being spendthrift. Its not that I don't spend at all.. I like to go on holidays, buy gifts for DH on all special occasions, buy gifts for in-laws and my parents whenever we visit them.. etc etc. But I don't favour unnecessary spending. E.g. my DH is very fond of electronic gadgets, branded clothes etc..etc.. He doesn't bother abt the price at all.. if he likes it, he buys it. Most of the time I ignore but sometimes I dissuade him from doing things which he doesn't like.. Don't know what to do... Am I wrong in doing so??
Like most of us, we too have a housing loan to pay off which only adds to monthly burdens. So i just try to ease his worries.. but he feels otherwise.

Am I going wrong somewhere??

 

Thank you so much Vijima’am.. Especially such nice words coming from someone as senior as you, I feel really honored ma’am..

I had a very modest upbringing right from my childhood days. My dad was a govt employee and my mother a housewife + we two girls. We all lived on a single salary..and that too in a place like Mumbai. My dad gave us daughters the best education, food and clothing. Right from my childhood days, I have seen my mother managing our household exemplarily well with whatever income came in. Thus, I have grown-up seeing this. My DH also comes from a family where his father was the sole earning member and his mother and 2 children dependent on him. But my DH and his sister are totally opposite. My DH always says “ when I was small , I cudnt enjoy all luxuries since my father cudnt afford. Now that I am earning, I am free to spend money as I like.” But then I came into his life....another spendthrift
(in his words).. ..But I should say one thing ma’am.. my MIL is really happy with me for this quality of mine.. she will always compliment me in front of her daughter. My FIL is very strict with his finances and will scold my DH for his extravagant spending habits.

Ma’am I am not against him enjoying his life. Let him enjoy but at the same time, I want him to be little cautious abt the future too. I wrote this post ma’am since we had a small tiff today morning. Actually not a tiff in real sense. Our sofa cushions have worn out a bit. So I told him in morning we need to change it. He jokingly said remove money from your account. I said no no…it’s a contingency reserve for unexpected emergencies..sofa cushions can wait..its not that urgent. He got little pissed off and said I don’t need your money even in emergency.. I felt a little bad ma’am..

Hope as you say, he understands me someday.

Thanks once again Ma’am,

Meera.

 

Hey JigsSM,

Agree with you completely dear.. the cost of living has shot up like anything in recent times. Add to that cost of fertility treatments which I need not tell you abt since you are very well aware urself. Without a little planning, its very difficult to move on...Dont know when my DH will appreciate me for this..

 

Thanks Cheenu..really appreciate your feedback..nice to know you and your DH share similar thoughts regarding saving for the rainy days..My DH is not against saving per se but he believes more in living in the moment rather than whining abt the future.. I think both are equally important.. hope he understands my view point some day..

 

Thanks for your encouraging words Sdiva..ya..i sincerely hope that DH appreciates me for my planned spending ways some day.. Imagine if we were both loose hands then we would have had a very tough time ahead.. hope he realises that sooner..