Cannot Get My Dads Helpless Cries Out Of My Mind

My Dad had heart surgery two weeks ago (I chronicallec it in another thread from the time he was wheeled in to recovery where he gets aftershock, local Cardiology appointments etc)

I never seen my Dad in so much pain. He was wincing due to severed pain at the chest and upper back pain. It pained him to breathe and sneeze.

The local Cardiologist did EKG, carotid test, echocardiogram and everything was negative.

The local Cardiologist said take Aleve 2 tablets every 6 hours up to three days then taper off to 1 tablet every 6 hours

but I forgot to ask how long to take 1 tablet

But the horrible thing happened yesterday when my Dad woke up from nap and had horrible upper left arm pain.


He was crying dry tears at his upper left am pain. There was nothing I could do and I was just hugging it tight.

He used the bathroom and after a while the pain got reduced (he stopped that horrible dry crying), but the pain transferred to the right arm.


If I call the Hospital they say go to ER. My Dad would rather die than go to ER. We explain things to these junior Doctor that he has sensitive skin but instead of considering the patients health , they are in hurry to stick needles and catheters, etc


My question is, what is normal and not normal after surgery, esp Heart a surgery, even if it is less invasive TAVR

I try to look on Google and disparate websites day people are more tired, emotional, depressed, etc after surgery

I wish Dr told us these things, in addition to side effects

can anyone share anecdotal experiences. Really I am crying thinks about the laundry my Dad is suffering. Nasty people would tell him to have tolerance.

and I cannot get my mind off the nurse who was removing my Dads UV. I overheard her tell him that making noise will not help. What a B1tch. Okay I understand you don’t want me in the room but you think people like to scream in pain and show their weakness?

the only thing stopping me from reporting her to our State Licensing Board for that comment is because the main Heart Surgeon (who my Dad said to him that he loves) said if you want to get angry at anyone, get angry at him, because he did the surgery (he was at the helm).

I think even though the Surgeon was talking to my Dad, it was also directed to me because I was speaking up for my Dad while showed sensitivity to the anesthesia (and we thought it was a stroke), and naturally the nurse or some other Doctor would have noted it (I am my Dads healthcare proxy if he cannot speak for himself)

 

Well @PurpleRoses i don’t think I’m anyone, I’m a concerned daughter


I never used any nasty language towards hospital staff to their faces. I cooperate with their instructions. If they say leave room, I leave room. If they say move, I move.

towards the end we had one young nurse who went out of her way to be rude to us. My Dad let us slide because she is young and inexperienced

if you cannot show empathy towards fellow IL member please don’t reply

 

@Thoughtful Thank you for your reply. I will try to answer your questions. Please let know if there are other questions (I help you to help me)


Thoughtful please let me clarify, I was never rude to any nurse. I certainly did not use any cruse words! As a matter of fact towards the end of my Dad’s hospitalization we had a young nurse who was rude to us.

My Dad let it slide because he said she was not having years of experience.

otherwise there are ways to raise concerns, not just internally through the hospital where they can always cover up

My Dad is supposed to go to his local Cardiologist for follow up. He went last Wednesday after having severe chest and upper back pains.

EKG, Carotid, and Echocardiogram were normal.

Cardiologist says take 2 Aleve every 6 hours for up to three days and then taper down to 1.

My Dad never felt such incredible pain and I feel terrible when I see him suffer.

My Dad refuses to go back To go back to hospital (other than to see TAVR team for check up a month later)

he is so traumatized by the pains.

When I ask the Cardiologist why my Dad is having pains after surgery he had two guesses
1. Tube was out in mouth during surgery …. But that was two weeks ago
2. Dad is nervous about the whole ordeal (this is major surgery, esp. it takes toll on body. Person is not crazy or in need of therapy because their body endured so much stress and is recovering)


My Dad says he loves loves loves the Surgeon who led the operation but says that if he was on the hospital bed and knew they were about to stick him with the painful IV needles, he would have said to the Surgeon, “I will give you anything ( I.e money to compensate hospital, staff for lost time and resources), but please release me and let me go home


As for being grateful to the staff who supported this operation, my Dad says if he knew he would suffer so much, then he would have never had this operation.

He would have rather died at home then give trouble to esp the nurses whose boots we should lick for coming in and doing their job



I understand lot of women on IndusLadies have problem with males in their lives (I can understand, I had nasty ex who disregarded my physical pains, caused my miscarriage but would cry when hit with a teddy bear), so when they see a male in pain they can ignore it, perhaps be rude and insensitive the way the nurse was when she was removing Dads IVs.

 

I just want to thank you for your kindness

This morning my Dad was having sharp chest pain. I asked local Cardiologist who says it is a pulled muscle, nothing to do with Heart. He said take 2 Aleve as needed, but not more than 8 in a 24-period

Still it is so sad to see someone who cares about your pain, takes your pain seriously in so much pain himself.

Hence my anger at those who were dismissing his pain.