Cannot Get My Dads Helpless Cries Out Of My Mind

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by SuiDhaaga, Apr 10, 2023.

  1. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga IL Hall of Fame

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    My Dad had heart surgery two weeks ago (I chronicallec it in another thread from the time he was wheeled in to recovery where he gets aftershock, local Cardiology appointments etc)

    I never seen my Dad in so much pain. He was wincing due to severed pain at the chest and upper back pain. It pained him to breathe and sneeze.

    The local Cardiologist did EKG, carotid test, echocardiogram and everything was negative.

    The local Cardiologist said take Aleve 2 tablets every 6 hours up to three days then taper off to 1 tablet every 6 hours

    but I forgot to ask how long to take 1 tablet

    But the horrible thing happened yesterday when my Dad woke up from nap and had horrible upper left arm pain.


    He was crying dry tears at his upper left am pain. There was nothing I could do and I was just hugging it tight.

    He used the bathroom and after a while the pain got reduced (he stopped that horrible dry crying), but the pain transferred to the right arm.


    If I call the Hospital they say go to ER. My Dad would rather die than go to ER. We explain things to these junior Doctor that he has sensitive skin but instead of considering the patients health , they are in hurry to stick needles and catheters, etc


    My question is, what is normal and not normal after surgery, esp Heart a surgery, even if it is less invasive TAVR

    I try to look on Google and disparate websites day people are more tired, emotional, depressed, etc after surgery

    I wish Dr told us these things, in addition to side effects

    can anyone share anecdotal experiences. Really I am crying thinks about the laundry my Dad is suffering. Nasty people would tell him to have tolerance.

    and I cannot get my mind off the nurse who was removing my Dads UV. I overheard her tell him that making noise will not help. What a B1tch. Okay I understand you don’t want me in the room but you think people like to scream in pain and show their weakness?

    the only thing stopping me from reporting her to our State Licensing Board for that comment is because the main Heart Surgeon (who my Dad said to him that he loves) said if you want to get angry at anyone, get angry at him, because he did the surgery (he was at the helm).

    I think even though the Surgeon was talking to my Dad, it was also directed to me because I was speaking up for my Dad while showed sensitivity to the anesthesia (and we thought it was a stroke), and naturally the nurse or some other Doctor would have noted it (I am my Dads healthcare proxy if he cannot speak for himself)
     
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  2. Thoughtful

    Thoughtful Gold IL'ite

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    Hi, Which doctor is your dad supposed to go for follow ups?

    Call that doctor and talk to his/her nurse.

    Hospitals are normally good about follow ups.

    Keep your cool while talking. They get lot of calls and are helpful to those who show kindness than those who are rude to them. Nurses are on shifts as well. Call multiple times and you might get someone helpful.

    Hope your dad feels better.
     
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  3. PurpleRoses

    PurpleRoses Finest Post Winner

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    You need to control your words towards the hospital staff when you know you have to depend on them be it for your father or yourself!.
    I understand you are worried about your father but your father is not the only patient for amy doctor / nurse or hospital to takecare! They know...i repeat...THEY KNOW their job. You should NEVER INTERFERE in their work and NEVER BE RUDE TO THEM.

    If you say none likes to scream in pain...you should also understand that none likes to bear rude patients n always negatively talking patients either.

    Please be calm and follow doctors advices instead of calling names to the hospital staff. Be grateful to them for treating your father and sending back home safely post procedure.
    Take counselling or talk to therapist for yourself as well as your father to stop being overly sensitive and negative
     
  4. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga IL Hall of Fame

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    Well @PurpleRoses i don’t think I’m anyone, I’m a concerned daughter


    I never used any nasty language towards hospital staff to their faces. I cooperate with their instructions. If they say leave room, I leave room. If they say move, I move.

    towards the end we had one young nurse who went out of her way to be rude to us. My Dad let us slide because she is young and inexperienced

    if you cannot show empathy towards fellow IL member please don’t reply
     
    Last edited: Apr 10, 2023
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  5. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga IL Hall of Fame

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    @Thoughtful Thank you for your reply. I will try to answer your questions. Please let know if there are other questions (I help you to help me)


    Thoughtful please let me clarify, I was never rude to any nurse. I certainly did not use any cruse words! As a matter of fact towards the end of my Dad’s hospitalization we had a young nurse who was rude to us.

    My Dad let it slide because he said she was not having years of experience.

    otherwise there are ways to raise concerns, not just internally through the hospital where they can always cover up

    My Dad is supposed to go to his local Cardiologist for follow up. He went last Wednesday after having severe chest and upper back pains.

    EKG, Carotid, and Echocardiogram were normal.

    Cardiologist says take 2 Aleve every 6 hours for up to three days and then taper down to 1.

    My Dad never felt such incredible pain and I feel terrible when I see him suffer.

    My Dad refuses to go back To go back to hospital (other than to see TAVR team for check up a month later)

    he is so traumatized by the pains.

    When I ask the Cardiologist why my Dad is having pains after surgery he had two guesses
    1. Tube was out in mouth during surgery …. But that was two weeks ago
    2. Dad is nervous about the whole ordeal (this is major surgery, esp. it takes toll on body. Person is not crazy or in need of therapy because their body endured so much stress and is recovering)


    My Dad says he loves loves loves the Surgeon who led the operation but says that if he was on the hospital bed and knew they were about to stick him with the painful IV needles, he would have said to the Surgeon, “I will give you anything ( I.e money to compensate hospital, staff for lost time and resources), but please release me and let me go home


    As for being grateful to the staff who supported this operation, my Dad says if he knew he would suffer so much, then he would have never had this operation.

    He would have rather died at home then give trouble to esp the nurses whose boots we should lick for coming in and doing their job



    I understand lot of women on IndusLadies have problem with males in their lives (I can understand, I had nasty ex who disregarded my physical pains, caused my miscarriage but would cry when hit with a teddy bear), so when they see a male in pain they can ignore it, perhaps be rude and insensitive the way the nurse was when she was removing Dads IVs.
     
    Last edited: Apr 10, 2023
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  6. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga IL Hall of Fame

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    I just want to thank you for your kindness

    This morning my Dad was having sharp chest pain. I asked local Cardiologist who says it is a pulled muscle, nothing to do with Heart. He said take 2 Aleve as needed, but not more than 8 in a 24-period

    Still it is so sad to see someone who cares about your pain, takes your pain seriously in so much pain himself.

    Hence my anger at those who were dismissing his pain.
     
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  7. Thoughtful

    Thoughtful Gold IL'ite

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    @SuiDhaaga
    I understand what you are going through. I hope and pray that your dad feels better and the pain subsides.

    Don't hesitate to reach out to the doctors and nurses and find out if this pain is normal. Do some research online as well.

    Sometimes the nurses will reply back with - then take them to the ER. Avoid that when they say and route the conversation towards, is this normal, how long is this supposed to pain, can they prescribe a different pain med etc.

    Take the follow up appointment sooner, if his pain is not reducing.
     
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  8. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    Its natural to have pain after surgery. Sometimes patient may take more than one month to have a normal life. Please be patient. If pain killers are allowed take it whenever pain starts. May be every 6 hours.

    I guess the doctors know that your father is medically ok after the surgery, getting impatient or angry at them will do more damage. Be polite and talk like you seek help. But if he has difficulty in breathing or severe symptoms go to ER.

    I never had any heart surgery, but other surgeries , I know how horrible it is. I took pain killer for one month. My mom and MIL had heart surgeries as well. It was not easy. Took more than one and half months to have nearly normal life. If its too stressful hire a home nurse. Patients wont in their normal self during this period. I understand your helplessness and emotions, but focus on things you can control. If you are really concerned, get an appointment or go for second opinion. Be practical.

    One request, please dont show that you are stressed out or worried or angry or too emotional in front your father. That is the last thing he wants.Be calm, cool, composed and give him confidence that its natural, he is on his healing path and you are there for him. That confidence, healing words, calm, positive envionment is what he needed. In the mean time, you can explore more to help him.
     
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2023
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  9. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    The doctor is telling your father to take Aleve because no one wants to risk their neck by prescribing opioids, for good reasons. When I had major abdominal surgery over a decade ago I went home with 2 weeks worth of Vicodin, which was amazing at pain relief. But those days are long gone. Aleve might take longer to be more effective. I was relatively young and healthy and it still took me 4 weeks to start feeling normal.
    I would ask the doctor to present a realistic picture of what the recovery will look like and what are the red flags you need to look out for. If you have a patient portal you can try to message via that.
     
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  10. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    @SuiDhaaga, please do not dismiss what PurpleRoses is saying about the nurses. In particular, pay heed to this:
    "THEY KNOW their job. You should NEVER INTERFERE in their work ..."
    If they say? When the nurse comes to check on the patient, they need free and unhindered access to the patient, all four sides of the bed, under the bed, all the bed knobs and levers, all the wall-mounted monitors, all the IV's, and all the power outlets. Often the area is cramped with IV pole's wheels and other wires and trolleys all over the place. The often petite nurse is balancing the clip-board, reaching over to high monitors and dials, and also answering phone calls from junior nurses or other staff.

    To receive the best care from the nurse, the patient's family should, without needing instructions, quickly move out of the nurse's way. Remain within earshot but do not hover close to the patient, move away as far as possible.

    The same applies when taking the patient to the doctor's office for appointments. The examination rooms are small. While waiting for the doctor to come in, carefully choose where to sit (or remain standing). The doctor spends literally only few minutes with the patient, don't waste time getting in the way.

    What?? Please do not say or imply that lot of women on IndusLadies when they see a male in pain can ignore it, and be rude and insensitive because they have problems with males in their lives. It takes time to heal enough to hear what others say without the filter of your wounds, but in the meanwhile, do not lump ILites in the category of your nasty-ex.
     
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2023
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