Canceled An Alliance....right Or Not.

@Rihana

Unfortunately this doesn't work for all. 31 is too late and she might not get good. But if she is not able to deal with her prior to marriage, can she do it later ? What if she is not able to mange and end up in bad marriage ?

Any how there is always two sides of coin and different ways to interpret.

 

The MIL was wrong and overbearing. The guy and girl ought to have figured out for themselves whether they'd be fine with each other as they are. Some people like to go to the parlour. Some don't. Same for the gym. If it were such a huge issue for them they ought to have not proceeded with the alliance.

The girls family were completely right in calling off the wedding. I wonder how the guy would have felt if the girls dad had rung him up every other day to tell him about better opportunities or given pointed tips on financial planning.

The scenario YM has predicted is completely plaussible. What the mother did was completely crossing the line, indeed, in this day and age. I would certainly suggest exactly this for people caught with such a passive aggressive ILs/ spouse.

 

girl family is right.
mil crossed line indeed

On other hand i would like to add this girl should loose weight because she wants to or she needs to make compromises in arrange marriage.Just the way men are judge harshly on the basis of how much they earn women are judge harshly on the basis of their looks,weight in arrange marriage.

We have one case in family .Girl is overweight and she has completely let go herself.She argues she should not be judge on the basis f looks.Well it is not how it works in reality.

 

If the girl is scared, then what should parents do. Tell her to adjust with MIL's comments? What if in future also that MIL & momma's boy harass her with their behavior or comments? Tell her to compromise with life?

We generally suggest to any OP to walk out if she is in a bad marriage, also we expect her parents to support her.
So the same thing was done by her parents before marriage itself. In a way they gave a confidence to their daughter that as parents they always protect her (which is a responsibility of every parent).

I greatly appreciate her parents for taking such decision and standing by their daughter. Age doesn't matter. Just for concerning about the age, do they force her into that marriage? There are people getting married at 35 years of age also. What matters is how happily she is leading her married life. If not married, no problem, she is always in a safer hands (parents).

 

Weight is just one issue. Today it is the weight, tomorrow the 'gifts they must have to maintain society status' (yea taken from the other thread), her career, her child! The guy, if he had an issue with the weight, should have spoken to her himself. Not via his mother. If he has no problem, then it is none of her business. The fact that he said 'you are over reacting' proves he agrees with his mother. To top it, he is a coward to not say it upfront.

So may be she is old for the arranged marriage market, but the fact that she is 31, means that he is at least 31, isn't it? Meaning he is past his prime too. Men and their families forget their own shortcomings once the alliance has been fixed. Then their mission is to mould the girl as per their standards.

It is heartening to see her parents stand up for her.

 

Op, The girl and her family did the right thing. 31 or not is not the question. Just becoz she is 30+ doesn't mean she has to settle for anything she can get. In Indian marriages 30 is threshold yes for women. But have you seen any men thinking about marriage until after 30/35+. I know plenty of people who start at 35+.

I completely agree with girl and girl's parents. If MIL is nitpicking beforehand , why will it stop after. Wasn't the girl fat when they saw her. Now suddenly its a problem.If the said groom didn't stand up for girl now why later. She escaped an abusive marriage. Kudos to the girl , Good Luck and Good Riddance.

P.S I was in the girl's position and my parents themselves said no to the said proposal. Only this issue came up from the boy's( shud say man ) bua when we saw each other. By then , the boy said oh he liked me and wud fly down next month to fix everything.My mom was furious and said absolutely not . But it was all for good ultimately becoz he was in huge joint family of mom/ dad /brother/ SIL and sister/BIL.Not to forget the Grandmother. It was a perfect recipe for everyday stress and abusive environment.

 

Everyone's tolerance level is different. Some people "adjust" to abusive, alcoholic, unfaithful spouses and stay in the relationship to the bitter end. Others walk away over bad rasam.

In this case, the mother and daughter did not find the MIL's comments acceptable and decided to end it now rather than later. IMHO, it was the right decision for them.

When a relationship ends, there are usually several reasons leading to the breakup. The straw that breaks the camel's back is the only one that goes public. We never hear the whole story. Maybe there were other factors in this case, too.

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This seems to be an overreaction. It is not uncommon on arranged marriages to share the expectations and related concerns through person common to both. After seeing the girl on engagement, and after listening off the mark comments from kith's and kin, perhaps would be MIL thought that she can suggest/insist to her would be DIL on personal care. The girl's parent reactions are over protective and immature, could have been better managed.

At the end, I think the boy also escaped from his would be helicopter parent-in-law which is equally problematic for him after marriage.

 

The future MIL spoke her son's mind.It would have been better if they have rejected the alliance because of weight issues rather than accepting the alliance and then pushing the girl to reduce.