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Can you suggest an appropriate reply to this?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Nithya001, Feb 5, 2010.

  1. Nithya001

    Nithya001 Bronze IL'ite

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    My hubby often alludes to that how parents and siblings are family and wife is "ardhangini"(half-body)! This is done by him with an intent to piss me off as I for one believe that once married husband and wife make a family and IL's are extended family. I never try to impose my thinking on him but whenever he gets a chance he tries to tell me how it is actually me who is a new member in his life and thus it is me who is the extension of his family!! His sisters too never fail to tell me how lucky I am to be married to him and how they too have rights over him :crazy !!

    Although I have stopped getting hurt by this anymore and give a damn whether he considers me his family or not, but I would still like some suggestions as to what reply can I give him if he brings this up again. I just want a strong reply which can shut him up forever. Can you suggest something?
     
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  2. rosegirl

    rosegirl Bronze IL'ite

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    You should ask if your dh's mom (your MIL) is not from this family but an extended family according to your DH ??????

    So he says that only your dh, his dad and his sisters are part of the family ?
    You and your MIL are extensions ?

    Tomm if u have kids, will they be part of this family or extensions ????
     
  3. kinjal

    kinjal Bronze IL'ite

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    well....i would say...my parents and my siblings are my family and you, ur parents and ur siblings are extended family for me.....

    and i will treat ur family same way as u treat mine.....simple...:)
     
  4. Bambli

    Bambli Gold IL'ite

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    this is good !!!
     
  5. saipavani123

    saipavani123 Silver IL'ite

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    nice one [​IMG]...
     
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2010
  6. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Nithya, this is same scene in my house with the exception tht DH doesn't even consider the ardhangani part.

    To them everyone who's related to blood in an immediate family member & rest as outsider... with whom you produce kids & share house.
    Eg: DH, his father, mother, his kids, siblings & their kids but not spouses.

    Interesting exception is FIL's family is not related since they're villagers & MILs family is as they are sphisticated.

    I generally dont try to change his belief on wht his mother preaches else its a big Tsunami at home but will probably keep in mind that if thats the definition of relation then be it.. only time will tell if history repeats and DH also gets isolated from his family like his dad.
     
  7. Anuradha00

    Anuradha00 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Nithya,

    I don't know if there is any background to this story. But just from this, I do not see anything objectionable in his comment. He is calling you his ardhangi, which means that since you two share a body you are closer to him than anyone else even his own mother!!! Isn't this a good thing? In fact, Parvathi is considered to be Shiva's ardhangi... so how can this be taken as a negative?
     
  8. Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Nithya,

    If he comments this once again... You tell him with a smile... """Yes, I agree with you 100%, because you can continue to live if you lose/miss one of your family member, but you can't live any second after losing "half of your boy". So, I simply like the way you value my presence in your life.""" That's it.

    Also explain to him in another instance, that a wife and husband cannot detach themselves from their FOO (famil of origin) right after the marriage. It takes time for them to settle down physically, financially and emotionally to consider themselves as "a new family". Therefore, you have no problem in his comments and will wait for the right time.

    If you think he and his sisters are purposely hurting you by commenting so, then ask them, who is their mom (your MIL) to their family? And who will be your future kids to this so called immediate family?

    If both your MIL and your kids to be considered as extentions, then it is also fine with you. At the same time, let them know that you need a family (immediate family) and you can't continue to live as an extention forever, thus you have decided to attach yourself and kids with your FOO (i mean parents) as immediate members (like the way your SILs are with their parents/siblings) - Simple.

    These answers wiill permanently shut their mouth.
     
  9. neha1

    neha1 Silver IL'ite

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    well, many have given good suggestions...
    just to add, ask him then to go and live with that 'family'. i did this once too:thumbsup ...when DH used to keep 'boasting' about his family..he then shut up on this.... as he realised that i wud really not tolerate this.....try this only if u want....

    anyway, i would say just do not react..that might keep him wondering:rotfl....since he knows he is pissing you off he might try to say things like this frequently.....ofcourse,this might work for some ppl.....but don't know about ur DH....
    good luck...

    Neha S
     
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2010
  10. sridivya

    sridivya New IL'ite

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    Couldn't stop myself from telling you this. .

    My dad and siblings are 10 in all. 7 brothers and 3 sisters. Dad is the eldest.
    I used to hear this often, my dad saying "what kind of people we all got as spouses, all nautanki ones, not a single one here is with his head on his/her shoulder, all uncivilised buggers, we surely have done some papam in the last birth to have got such spouses, we are all so decent and it is a shame to get such DILs and SNILs blah blah blah.......
    Mom would just keep quiet and ignore. My blood would boil.
    I heard this throughout my childhood for any single disagreement between mom and dad.
    Now, the situation is dad and his brothers do not get along well and to top it all the sisters keep adding fuel to the fire. Note: This fight is only between the brothers and their wives have absolutely nothing to do in this. The brothers have broken up into 2 parties like the political party. They are not in proper talking terms.

    On the other hand mom and her sisters and her only brother are so affectionate to each other. My uncle is 77 and even to this day he/his wife will invite my mom for Pongal and gift her saree. My aunt had a leg surgery and mom went to cook and take care of her. She was there for 2 weeks till aunt slowly recovered.

    Last time, when I met dad I asked him straight forwardly. I do not have to fear I thought. I needed to let him know he was wrong.
    After he told me the whole story how one uncle(his brother) created a drama in another uncle's daughter's wedding etc etc,, I asked him ............

    "SO, which side is finally nautanki ........huh????????
    You guys cannot get along decently as siblings even at the age of 70 and when are you going to learn? And you thought you are the most sophisticated people/family on earth?? Remember dad? how you used to put down mom........now you deserve this!!!
    Deal with it!!!

    He was stunned, I felt sorry and apologised but I thought he needed that. To my surprise mom gave me left and right for tallking like that.........she said it was RUDE.... I did not want to prove my point but was satisfied I could put this across to him finally after 25 years of constant hearing, since I was 10, I remember.


    I may not have answered your question but my point is JUST IGNORE now. Time will teach him.
     
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2010

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