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Can We discuss about Loneliness ...My views & your views

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by subbutr, Nov 12, 2007.

  1. subbutr

    subbutr Senior IL'ite

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    My dear friends,

    Loneliness & How we experiance it....

    Some may say Loneliness gives a person to think and improve the drawback, encourages to see the world behind him.

    If we look into the cause of loneliness among Juniors and Seniors
    ( Youth & Elderly persons the qualitative properties of loneliness ).

    It is shown that the feelings of loneliness in younger include much more of aggressiveness, restlessness and longing in comparison with elder.

    The fact is, life is a series of transitions, from birth to grade school to graduation to job to marriage to children to retirement.

    Every time we make a change in life, there is a tendency to experience loneliness.

    We can have all the possessions and money in the world and be on an island by ourselves and we would be miserable.

    We were created to be with one another. Many people relocate their homes.

    Therefore we have no roots.

    Separation by a career, by illness, by divorce, or by death can also cause loneliness.

    When we are attacked, ridiculed or criticized, there is a tendency to withdraw and this causes loneliness.

    When we feel we have been betrayed, forsaken or abandoned, loneliness can happen.

    One of our greatest emotional needs is the need to be accepted.

    When we feel rejected, it causes loneliness.

    So how to cope with loneliness?

    Some people take drugs, get drunk, go to computer dating services, or try other remedies.

    I heard about a man who went to a psychiatrist to ask for multiple personalities so he would have somebody to live with!

    UTILIZE YOUR TIME. Resist the temptation to do nothing.

    Use your time to take care of your physical needs: eat right, get rest, exercise, stay away from drugs and alcohol .

    Take care of yourself mentally: don't be addicted to TV, read good books and magazines.

    Take care of your spiritual needs: read scriptures (it gives us direction, instruction, encouragement and hope), pray, and go to places of worship.

    Take care of your social needs: develop friendships. (Take the initiative, be unselfish, be patient - friendships take time).

    Find someone who is in worse shape than you and go help them.

    MINIMIZE THE HURT. Don't rehearse pain over and over in your mind.

    Don't get bitter and resentful. Nobody likes to be around a cynic, a critic, or a resentful person.

    Address the issue; deal with it. Play it down and pray it up.

    RECOGNIZE GOD'S PRESENCE. Where is God when you are lonely?

    God is everywhere. There is no place you are that God is not.

    Open your eyes and recognize His presence.

    Life is beautiful, some times we need loneliness too for refreshing our thoughts and deeds.

    Anticipation of a health discussions on this topic from all our Indus family members.


    Subbu

     
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  2. GPriya

    GPriya Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Subbu,

    Well said..One cannot escape loneliness these days.

    I am amazed at my mother, as she has been leading her life alone for the last 30 years almost..after my & my sis'd departure from home...ofcourse she was working as a teacher until her retirement in 1993. Now, the last 14 years almost on her own in a 2 bedroom apt in Chennai, watching tv (serials mainly)and visiting temples, pretty much taking care of herself and being extremely selfish in every way. I heard parents when they get old, they would love to spend some time with children, on the contrary, my mom does not like me or my sis and her kids visiting her as it disturbs her schedule of TV serials.

    As your article rightly pointed out, as long as you keep yourself occupied in some way, you are ok. Nowadays, lot of old (window/single) ladies I know within the family and friends circle, would prefer leading a lonely life watching TV than meeting and spending time with children. When I go all the way from US once in 2 years, I spend exactly 10 minutes with my mother as she is not thrilled to see me or spend time with me or even entertain me with some food or outing. I feel devastated seeing her attitude( for the last 15 years), but since I am a philosophical person, I end up consoling myself that, she has done her duty and now its her time to enjoy. The last two trips to India, I didn't even make an effort to visit and disturb her, and when she came to know that I have visited her sisters(my aunts) it just didn't bother her even a bit. I really thought that immediately after my mother's retirement, she enjoyed her leisurely lifestyle, but until today, she is still enjoying without a care for anybody in the world.

    Now, contrary to my mom, I have been working almost 25 years in life and due to some health issues, I took a break from my busy lifestyle for the last 2 years. I am so bored irrespective of my busy schedule doing almost everything mentioned in your article like yoga, pilate's, chanting slokas for an hour everyday, a good early morning walk, listening to good karnatic music collections, and ofcourse reading as I am an avid reader. With all this, I still feel lonely most of the time. I guess feeling lonely and actually being lonely are two different things in life. Some people even among a big crowd, won't feel the sense of belonging. Some always want to be lonely. So, it all depends on one's personality and to tell you the truth, my mom is mentally and physically very strong at the age of 72. Her loneliness didn't affect her in any way as she enjoys her life watching TV.

    To conclude, what matters most is that you must enjoy the life you have, without feeling guilty in anyway. I guess it requires a certain frame of mind to do so. If you have it, you will never be lonely in life.

    I guess I exceeded my quota in expressing my views, as I do enjoy your thought provoking articles.

    Keep up the good work Subbu,
    Geeth Priya.
     
  3. Tamildownunder

    Tamildownunder Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Subbu Sir,

    For the last few years since I started living abroad I am having loneliness since my wife prefers to stay back to do her work of uplifting women. Since it is a noble cause I can't insist her to drop that and join me. I feel loneliness is not having anyone to talk to, relate to, share with and take support. Once I return from office and enter my apartment, I am cut off and left all alone. Of course, I spend time watching TV programs, participating in sorums like this, listening to music, cooking my own food etc. The only times I feel not lonely is when I talk to my kids here in U.S, my wife, mother, sisters in India. Often loneliness brings the fear that if I fall sick I have to fend for myself.

    Regards,

    TDU
     
  4. subbutr

    subbutr Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you Priya for the feedbacks and the purpose of this topic is to ensure that no one should feel lonely in this universe, as it offers so much for the other once we have the inclination to move along with them. As now a days many parents are left alone due to their wards settling down abroad or in other stations on assignments, employments and these people feel they are deprived of their happiness to be left out. Then their engagements with their relatives, friends are the only solace.

    Loneliness needed when we are in distress, yet there should be some wellwishers to be with us.

    Imagine the ones who are being left out in elders homes like orphans by a few due their negligence of taking care. these few feels that just by providing financial help to elders to remain in elders home ( Old age homes ) their duty is over. If the same situations happens to the present youngsters when they become old , then only they will know the torture of what is in such situations.

    Subbu
     
  5. subbutr

    subbutr Senior IL'ite

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    Yes my dear TDUsir,

    I could understand your plight and your respect to others feelings.
    Some times our engagements and commitments makes us to stay alone as we feel that to improve the standards of life's savings we have to work abroad to make some money and then come back to settle down in Motherland, there after we may lead our life with kith and kin.

    The same case hold good for those serving in Gulf and other overseas assignments.
    Out of compulsions and circumstances people leave their home towns to settle down in other places to make the future life comfortable.

    Whereever we are, with the latest technology, we are able to get connected by communication media and when things are ok, we return back to fulfill what we left out.

    Hope you do return back to join your family after your commitments are over.
    Regards
    subbu
     
  6. Jayalakshmiraj

    Jayalakshmiraj New IL'ite

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    A very good post . I liked your stress on UTILIZE TIME. Those tips are very true. When one is forced to be lonely, be it the distance or the emotional incompatibility to communicate or get assessed wrongly, these tips do help. And about the presence of God too.. That is also very true. God never abandons anyone who seeks.

    In some cases , I find parents are not equipped to deal with the life full of responsiblities that comes with marriage, children festivals and relatives. but in our society they have to fulfill them by suppressing their natural wants and desires. Once the children are married off and the house empty, they find time on their hands and want to ENJOY. they feel that own family is encroaching on their time and energy.. It is pitiable, but I think sometimes we have to look a things from their point of view too. It is possible such mothers/fathers never had the space or money or time to be on their own and when they found freedom , aha.. they are guarding it fiercely. :)
     
  7. subbutr

    subbutr Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you dear Jayalaskhmirajugaru for the kind observations and feedbacks.
    It is the selfless sacrifices of elders only led us to have our freedom of thoughts and actions. We do have the responsiblities to take care of our elders inspite of our commitments and work.

    Subbu
     
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  8. padmavathi m

    padmavathi m Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Subbu Sir,

    when i saw your thread about loneliness, i feel it comes to everyone, irrespective of young and old. when i feel lonely, i immediately sit for meditation,( since you are from coimbatore, you will be aware of Vethathiri World Community Service Center).
    i feel so calm and energetic after the meditation. then my mind is diverted to craft, embroidery, coming into forums like IL, philosophical sites, etc,. this is how i overcome my loneliness.

    Regards
    Padma
     
  9. shaa

    shaa New IL'ite

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    Hello subbu sir,

    Thats an interesting thread on loneliness.
    As per my viewpoint, loneliness is entirely subjective. Some people prefer to be loners while some are pushed into loneliness due to various circumstances.

    Again the way its taken and dealt with also differs between the young and old. The old associate it to serenity while the young feel that they are out of the vibe if they are lonely.
    However, its a phase that everyone has to experience in some point of their life or the other. If a person is enjoying being a loner, then there are no issues as he/she neither gets affected by themselves nor do they pose a big problem to the society at large.
    But its only when a person is pushed to loneliness and they do not know how to tackle it or to come out of it , does a problem arises. You have listed down all the wonderful ways of driving away loneliness in a very orderly manner... Kudos...

    All said, man was/is and will always be a social animal, and come what may its always better to be in company and savour the complex human emotions , and be remembered as a wonderful humanbeing, rather than shut ourselves into loneliness and die unknown.
     
  10. asharao

    asharao Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Subbu Sir,

    I feel loneliness is a state of mind which we create for ourselves when WE THINK we don't have anything else to do.There are loads of things we can do to keep ourselves happy and making others happy as well.YES I do agree we HAVE to UTILISE our time usefully.

    Here there are so many ladies who keep cribbing about nothing all the time saying they are bored etc.Where as I'm the type who feel there is loads to do and organise myself how to go about in a day.Whenever i see the less fortunate people around I feel happy to serve them and THANK GOD for what HE has given me and try and share these thoughts with these friends of mine as well.

    First and foremost we have to be happy-again it is a state of our mind.Then to spread that happiness is what is required I feel.Correct me if I'm wrong sir.

    Regards,

    Asha
     

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