Can parents arrange for love????

itsgaya3 · Mar 19, 2010

Can parents arrange for love????

I know, there is this “WHAT ???? ” expression on all your faces. Ok. Now may be this statement seems more understandable. “Can parents arrange for marriage of their daughter / son ? “. Ah, now, you seem have an answer.

Without further delay, let me get straight to the point. The baseline is about discussing love in a marriage.

“ARRANGED MARRIAGE”. This term has been in use for almost say, 50 yrs now ( or even more !!) , That’s what the parents do in arranged marriage. Choose a partner for their son/daughter to love. isn’t it? But why didn’t it srike at the first question.

So what do you think ILites, which will be better, the individuals choosing whom they should love, or somebody else choosing for them ?

Yeah, I can hear a few people saying, “Of course the parents will choose the right person for their kid “. But that answer would have been correct if my question was “Whose choice will be good”, Alas, that is not the question here.

So, go ahead and share your thoughts about what you preferred and what happened actually.

saipavani123 · Mar 19, 2010

[JUSTIFY]I guess people who choose for themselves is better...sometimes when parents/siblings/well wishers choose for a person its better too. Sometimes i don't understand the meaning of unconditional love. Like while loving a person...no expectations..no demands( ajab prem ki gazab kahani :tongue ) . I expected only 1 thing from the day when I realised there is something called marriage...in late teens i guess. Be it arranged or love the guy should'nt be judging me in 2-3 minutes of talk. He should see ME and marry me. Not my family ,not my education and not my job. Again by seeing ME i am not talking about beauty...I don't like people judging others on beauty . Its my nature. Finally god granted me my wish. He gave me DH who saw ME as MYSELF and married me . Though its love marriage parents(both sides) gave their full consent to us [/JUSTIFY]

itsgaya3 · Mar 19, 2010

Sai,
I'm glad you got it your way. Congragulation on that.
Now-a-day, its not even those 2-3 mins of talk that you have described in your post. That too, the guy being somewhere else ( mostly other than India ! ), its his parents who go to see the girl. And within the few seconds that they see the girl, they come to a conclusion that she will be a good / bad match for their son. I'm not sure how that could be possible. ( Event the best of the best psychiatrist will take more time to analyse any 1 !!! )

Gaya3

mithy232 · Mar 19, 2010

Obviously its my choice

Actually I was a person who won't interact much with guys. So in my case, I was very confident that mine would be an arranged marriage till I met my guy. Now it is going to be a love marriage.

We had time to know each other well before entering the relationship. I don't understand how in arranged marriages this basic understanding comes.

Whose choice will be good?!
The person himself/herself will be the better person to make the choice.

Tubelight · Mar 19, 2010

Hi
Since mine was arranged marriage, and it has worked out well, I can only say its better parents "arrange" the love of our life ! At least, all spade work for collecting all relevant background information would be done by parents. If its falling in love all by ourselves, we may not be able to discover so many minor details, which may crop up later unexpected and unprepared for !

One side benefit of aranged love is, if anything is found less than satisfactory, we can always shift blame on parents for their choice. Much better than wallowing in guilt for having made a mistake ourselves, no ?:crazy

saipavani123 · Mar 19, 2010

Did any one of you watched the movie "JUST MARRIED"....so sweet movie !! Its based on concept of arrange marriage. It was really sweet indeed !!

leelagk · Mar 20, 2010

i feel ppl shud choose their apt partners themselves will be the right thing..but at the same time parents also want to find the best to their kid ...so it will be better if they consider at least 1 or 2 suggestions of their parents too as they are the one who brought them up upto this age...sometimes it may be abt caste,family status, job,language,customs or something like that...but plz parents shud take care to avoid discussing abt dowry nd it shud be discouraged at any cost...if their choice nd parents conditions go on same line,then it can be settled easily..both sides will be safe nd can avoid disputes too...
thus it will be love cum arranged marriage..

leela

saipavani123 · Mar 20, 2010

i feel ppl shud choose their apt partners themselves will be the right thing..but at the same time parents also want to find the best to their kid ...so it will be better if they consider at least 1 or 2 suggestions of their parents too as they are the one who brought them up upto this age...sometimes it may be abt caste,family status, job,language,customs or something like that...but plzparents shud take care to avoid discussing abt dowry nd it shud be discouraged at any cost...if their choice nd parents conditions go on same line,then it can be settled easily..both sides will be safe nd can avoid disputes too...
thus it will be love cum arranged marriage
Click to expand...

yup !! you are right !! Somethings they know better

mithy232 · Mar 20, 2010

Leela, your idea will be perfect. I know what my mom will expect from her Son-in-law. Since my fiance matched her expectations she immediately accepted.

Sometimes while watching movies where girl's mom will be the villain for love, she used to tell me "See how good mom I was, I accepted your love." I know she is good, even then I asked her once...."what you will do if I fell in love with someone who is like the hero of the movie...a road romeo kinda of a person." She said "I will kill you." We both laughed at each other.

itsgaya3 · Mar 20, 2010

@TL, I agree with your point that we have someone to blame for, other than ourselves. But does it help us in any way ? Ultimately, it’s the individual is going to experience the pain irrespective of whomsoever they blame. Having said that, I feel recently love marriages are a lot more successful because the couple seems to tolerate each other since it was their choice.

@ Leela, our parents know us better than any1 else. That’s right, but there are a lot of thing in which their tastes differ. For eg. The mother might stick to the old pattu saree with big borders, whereas the girl might go for designer sarees. I don’t mean to talk about the generation gap here, but just that there is a small line of indifference between any 2 people. So I feel, arranged marriage is only for those guy / gal whose thinking and likes match with their parents.