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Can a modern feminist love her mother in law?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by anuyogam1988, Mar 15, 2013.

  1. anuyogam1988

    anuyogam1988 Gold IL'ite

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    Do I love my mother in law?
    Yes
    Why should I love my mother in law?
    Not because she is my husband's mother but because she is a very good person.
    She is a very bold woman and she never tries to interfere with our plans and personal life. She is a very matured person. she never gossips. we fight and argue but I love her a lot. If I have a problem with her, i will talk to her about that directly. We both are egoistic people. But at the end of the day, I still love her. She never talks bad about me behind my back. We both have negative attitudes at one time or other. But I never poke my nose into her business and viceversa. I have never expressed my love and gratitude for her. So I dedicate this post to my courageous mil.
    According to our indian society standards, I am not a good daughter in law.
    I am not a submissive girl.
    I dont wear thaali,metti and any other identities.
    I am strong feminist. Feminist != Good daughter in law.(Inversely proportional)
    My husband takes my side always. (inversely proportional to good daughter inlaw)
    I never let anyone bring me down and never let people interfere in my personal life.
    So I am not a good daughter in law according to Indian standards.
    But my love for her is never going to end.:):):)
    There is something special about our relationship.(my mil and me)
    I have never tried to please her by changing my identity and I have not changed after marriage. Sameway, she has'nt lost her identity. So our love is so special.
    The reason I stressed the word Feminist : My mil is more matured that she never tries to interfere or preach her daughter in law who is against patriarchial practices. This does'nt mean she has wholeheartedly accepted my thoughts(Her thought process is different from mine). It means that she has respected my individuality. Every one has different conscience and thoughts. I think its very important to respect others' beliefs.
     
    Last edited: Mar 16, 2013
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  2. aminroop

    aminroop IL Hall of Fame

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    nice post. i agree totally. :) to some extent i'm like that too. though i wudnt call myself a feminist. its too strong a word for me.
     
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  3. lukywife

    lukywife Gold IL'ite

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    Is it my brother's wife? :) Good on you and your mother in law :thumbsup You seem to be like my brother's wife. She used to complain my mother and I used to support my brother's wife always. And I know very well that she loves my mother a lot. My mom too loves my sil. I am forwarding this thread to my sil.
     
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  4. dahlia

    dahlia Silver IL'ite

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    Love your attitude Anuyogam :)
     
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  5. SaleemaRex

    SaleemaRex Gold IL'ite

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    Lovely post! I am a feminist and I also love my mother in law :)
     
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  6. nicegirlradhi

    nicegirlradhi Gold IL'ite

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    well, even i am a bit confused if im that feminist and all stuff material or not:confused2:

    but even me and MIL do some extent fit in the category you mentioned in your posts:). though we stay in the same house, she never interferes between me and my DH affairs, and very supportive always, esp my career. and never once did my MIL asked abt my salary or my spendings:thumbsup
     
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  7. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    The question still remains... can you LOVE any MIL or just a good MIL?
    A person doesn't even need to be a feminist to love her MIL... both persons just need to be human and non-interfering and respecting to love each other.

    Din't see a single post which mentiones that am a feminist... my MIL is a RAW/ typical indian MIL, has ruined life and peace and I still love her.

    Maybe you can re-frame the thread as ...can a Modern feminist accept the presence of her MIL... ok yes then its a big achievement.
     
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  8. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    I think any human being can love a fellow human being. No need to be feminist or whatever. What matters is the other person (MIL or DIL) is actually a human being or devil?

    I am feminist, and I love everyone around me. But I am just unable to love my MIL... Reason being, she failed to behave like a human. Even animals are better than my own MIL. So, fault is not mine or my feminist status.
     
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  9. anuyogam1988

    anuyogam1988 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Shilpama,
    Thanks for your reply.Obviously, I cannot love any MIL.:) I can love only a good mil who knows her limits.
    If someone tries to ruin my life, I will definitely throw them our of my life.:rant
    If you are against patriarchial practices, if a person who is obsessed with rituals never interferes or tries to change your beliefs, thats appreciable according to me.:thumbsup Usually it is said that a feminist will never love people following patriarchy. I love her because she is a GOOD PERSON.
    can a Modern feminist accept the presence of her MIL

    YES if she is a non interfering person. Mine is a non interfering person. Its very difficult for a person who is obsessed with rituals to respect another person beliefs which is totally against those rituals which degrade women. So I stressed the word feminist.
     
    Last edited: Mar 18, 2013
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  10. arch1209

    arch1209 Platinum IL'ite

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    I am a feminist and I do not like/love my Mil - but like someone said above it has got nothing to do with me being a feminist. I generally do not like people that are "fake, selfish, and self-centered" and who wants the world to revolve around them, so I guess that is my reason for not liking her.

    It is beyond my understanding if someone could love someone that asks them to eat rotten/spoiled food to avoid wasting food. My co-sis is not a feminist, she also does not like our Mil because she and her daughters have repeatedly been accused of robbing "blankets, bed sheets, transistor, glass sets, coffee table, gold."

    I really am happy for people with good mils, I wish when I am older I am able to be one of them. That being said, when I read about people with good mils somewhere I do wonder "What did I ever do wrong!"
     
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