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called 911 and its impact

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by lovers, Jun 25, 2012.

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  1. OOPALL

    OOPALL Silver IL'ite

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    I am so sorry to hear about your situation. Please know that a lot of Ilites can give you good counsel about this situation. Believe me most of us have been there.
    Your safety and welfare are utmost important at this time. Please do not under any circumstance sign off any thing that you husband would demand. Any person man or woman that causes harm to another needs to be punished. In US domestic violence is not taken lightly.
    Do you have any family or relatives that you can stay with in the meantime? I know sometimes the first thing that comes to mind is 'what are other ppl gonna think?" Please do not be embarrassed to ask for help. Remember you are seeking help to get out of a violence situation.

    Hugs
    Oopall.
     
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  2. desiheart

    desiheart Bronze IL'ite

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    To the poster "lovers",

    911 Call stops domestic violence. Period. I have been there, done that.

    I have been in a similar situation last year. Pls. search for my username in the forum posts and you will find out lots of information on how to handle the consequences of 911.

    I know you are mind is in a turmoil now. I was there too. But, you have to control your senses and never ever apologize to your hubby or his parents for calling 911.
    You are never wrong to protect yourself. Let them not guilt-trip you.

    Specifically, read this thread below on how to handle the court case and how to hire lawyer.

    http://www.indusladies.com/forums/legal-matters/146921-called-911-help-pls-urgent-4.html

    But, first you have to also let us know if you are safe or not. Without knowing your full situation, you may be getting faulty advice from well-meaning posters.

    Be Strong. Remember somewhere your survival instinct kicked in to kick that abuser out.
    So stay true to your guts and trust your decision.

    You can post or PM me for any questions.
     
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  3. desiheart

    desiheart Bronze IL'ite

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    "Lovers", I am not receiving Private Messages due to eligibilty criteris of number of posts.

    You can post on this thread to hear from me.
     
  4. Foundlove

    Foundlove Gold IL'ite

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    Don't feel threatened by him. It's your house too, so u can post anywhere u want and take help from anyone. It's his fault that u had to call 911.
    Have u thought about restraining order. That will give you 1 month to stay alone and think coolly.
    Why don't u tell him that u need time to think. So he needs to go stay at a friends place. Get away from him.
    Good luck. Be strong. We r here to help u.
    Check out the thread help establish Global Helpline for women. It's in the sticky section of this forum. You will get names of organizations that will help u.
     
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  5. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Lovers,

    Glad to see your post. Hang in there my dear. I am glad there are so many people who are willing to share their experiences and good counsel with you.
     
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  6. eandian

    eandian IL Hall of Fame

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    Lovers,

    Glad to know that you are safe.

    May be some time away from him will clear your head. If he misses you, he might change.

    May be you can PM your number to one of these wonderful ladies living in US like FL, Chocolat, desiheart etc who can talk to you and give you some confidence if they dont mind. (in case you are not already talking to them)

    Be brave and think calmly. Do not take any decision in fear of some consequence / threat by him.

    Take decision based on your and your kid's safety and happiness. What is the use of GC if you are going to be unhappy and get beaten up?

    Take care dear.
     
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  7. lovers

    lovers Senior IL'ite

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    would like to thank each n everyone who responded to my thread thanks again friends ...

    Eandian , many times i spoke to my dh regarding the joint property he used to mention as iam not working there would be chances of tax issues so thats the reason he doesnt want to do it ...actually he was not willing to do it ...thats where all the properties r under his name
    eandian my inlaws are money minded people
    but it was a really thought ful idea from urs i really appreciate it ..
    but if i have to mention this thought of joint account how can i do it ?
    i mean do u want me to talk to his lawyers will they be able to help it ...no clue abt it ...
     
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  8. eandian

    eandian IL Hall of Fame

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    That is a big joke lovers. What tax issue is he talking about?
     
  9. OOPALL

    OOPALL Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Lovers,
    Hope you are doing ok. Just wanted to drop a quick note and let you know you are thought of today.
    Peace and blessings!
    Oopall.
     
  10. eandian

    eandian IL Hall of Fame

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    Right now tax or money is not your concern. Your safety is more important.

    So you make sure you do not take back the complaint.

    In case he hits you in future or tries to divorce you, this DV case will act in your favor especially for child custody.

    If you take this case back because of guilt or because of anyone's words, in future your words will not be considered and you will look like an unstable person who does not have steady thought. It should not look like you gave a false complaint. Not sure but he may use it against you in divorce or child custody discussion.

    So if a police or lawyer asks you, please tell the truth. Don lie and make yourself look bad. At home, if he teaches you what to tell before lawyers / police / court, say yes and yes but when they finally ask you, please tell the TRUTH.

    It is for your safety. He might get mad and shout at you saying you betrayed him. An abuser does not deserve any loyalty or honesty.

    There is no guarantee that he is going to treat you well in future. Not sure if he is even feeling that he is wrong. Now his main selfish concern is how it will affect his GC. So do not screw up one fine opportunity you get to fix this problem.

    If you go back on your words and make him appear good in public, he will be mocking you in his mind and will take you for granted.

    Please do not believe him if he says that losing GC is the end of the world. Having an abusive husband is. And it cannot get any worse than this.

    By telling the truth, you are NOT TAKING REVENGE. But you are making sure there are some official records in place to prevent him from hurting you in future.

    P.S. He has been abusing you for a long time. This is not a one time incident. So you cannot be expected to forgive or follow ahimsa. A bully has to be bullied.
     
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