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Burden Of Legacy

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by HariLakhera, Jan 24, 2021.

  1. HariLakhera

    HariLakhera Platinum IL'ite

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    Burden of Legacy

    Let me say at the very outset that here by legacy I mean the standards of values and success we inherit in legacy from our parents and not the property as inheritance. Some children are known by name of their parents and some parents are known by the name of the children.

    I am talking about living up to the standards set forth by parents and their expectations.

    There are cases where children excelled much higher than their parents as there are cases where they went astray.

    To be specific, I am talking about the high standards in terms of values of honesty and truthfulness and professional success set by parents and what they expect from their children.

    While it may be a privilege to be born to such parents, it may equally be a burden to live up to those standards, set forth by them. The parents may be highly regarded for their values of honesty, truthfulness and kindness. The parent may be a highly successful professional holding high positions in Governments or in businesses. He or she may be a Teacher, Jurist, Manager, Politician, Bureaucrat, Artist, Actor, Lawyer, Writer or for that matter anybody in any field of human activity.

    These children live in a very protected environment from the very beginning and yet at the same time under tremendous pressure to be like their parent if not better. Sons of MK Gandhi could not live up to the standards of the values of service, honesty and truthfulness set by him and always felt as crushed under his set principles. So, a jurist may expect his child to be a successful judge reaching the height of a Chief Justice of the top court, a writer expecting his child to be the highly acclaimed writer and the best selling one. An IAS officer expecting his child to be reaching to the position of the post of top bureaucrat. It goes on.

    But what the child feels or wants to be, do the parents know? Does the child has the guts to speak up? Answer in most cases may be No.

    The other day I met a teenaged girl whose both parents are very successful physicians and doing very well professionally and materialistically. I asked her does she also want to be a doctor? She replied in a very matter of fact way- I may try to be a doctor, if not a doctor for humans, at least a doctor for animals and if that also is not possible I can always own animal home for dogs or horses because I love animals.

    I am sure, her parents know that and will not force her to be what they want her to be.
     
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  2. hrastro

    hrastro Platinum IL'ite

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    As a student mentor (for Careers, Education, Exams) , I meet several such students and parents.

    In my experience, there are some parents who want their children to be what they failed to be.
    For instance, someone wanted to be in army but didn't get through, his son also carries a similar fervour - the parents are very happy to encourage and the student works hard for the entrance exams for NDA.

    But another parent could not become a doctor, wants her daughter to be a doctor - but the girl wants to write stories! She is not eager to study for entrance exams.

    I feel the parents who are successful - they are happy in their own achievement and do not pressure the child to be in the same field - although if the child is interested, they can mentor and guide them very well.
    So the child becomes an achiever - whether in the same field or another field is a later question.

    I see doctors whose kids are in computer science. I see Engineers whose kids get into economics.

    Whatever the parent's field of work, every child has a lot to learn from it.

    The key is respectful communication between the generations.
    Parents should be eager to teach and the children should be curious to learn.


    Keep Smiling
    HR
     
  3. shyamala1234

    shyamala1234 Platinum IL'ite

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  4. shyamala1234

    shyamala1234 Platinum IL'ite

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    There are three kinds of children. Some want to listen to their parents in toto and do as they want them to do. Some exactly do the opposite and some have a mind of their own and study what interests them. Leave out gifted and extraordinary children. As Hastro said communication is the keyword . Each should listen to the other.
    Syamala
     
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  5. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:True. It follows that there are three or more categories of parents too: also there are kids read children, who midway to their adulthood and or parenthood change their category.

    A son who had been listening and following directions of odiferous his beloved parents, one morning finds he was wrong all along that has stopped or hindered him from achieving his dreams.

    A daughter unhappy and stopped listening to her mother when her wedlock with her lover unapproved.

    Thanks and Regards.
     
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  6. HariLakhera

    HariLakhera Platinum IL'ite

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  7. HariLakhera

    HariLakhera Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes communication is the key. Understanding the choice of the child is very important. Sometimes I really get amused to see trained doctors in Administrative services. They simply deprived other candidates of the limited seats available. It is not that doctors are not good administrators but it is obvious that they opted for medicines under pressure or some misgiving.
    In any case parents should not put pressure on them but can advise plan B or C or D. Children should be equally receptive and share their opinion freely. In the end, it will be their choice and be responsible for that.
     
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  8. HariLakhera

    HariLakhera Platinum IL'ite

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    I think the crucial age is the when they are about to cross their teens. By this time they have done their high or intermediate schooling and looking for a choice depending on their ability and finances. Fortunately, there are plenty of options now unlike in our times. More importantly, they should have plan B ready in case plan A does not work.
    Trying to dispute their choice after they have crossed teens is inviting more disagreement.
     
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  9. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    I feel it is unfair of parents to have expectations from their children. Trees must be allowed to gtow freely and not cut, twisted and shaped according to our notions. Same with children. They are not pieces of cloth that can be cut and tailored according to our expectations They are living breathing individuals who can select their own path. As long as they don't go on a seriously wrong path it is fine. The job of not only parents but also of teachers is not to indoctrinate children, teach them how to think but don't ram into their heads what they should think .
     
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  10. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello: In other words, for peace of mind, we echo what the the Lord reported to have said in Gita - “one should do his or her duty without any expectation of fruits:leave results to Me”
    But I know @Balajee already proclaimed elsewhere that he is an atheist.
     
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