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Brother's Marriage

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by saraswathilives, Dec 8, 2010.

  1. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Saraswati, You have absolutely no idea how difficult it is to get a degree in Music. I have learned classical dance and trust me, my teacher who was also a teacher in music used to struggle a lot teaching others music. its not easy to learn music. In fact, I can confidently say that the girl in question has worked twice as hard as you had worked to get a masters degree in music. I dont mean offense to anyone here but learning music is extremely difficult!

    Don't be a typical sister in law who interferes in everything her younger brother does. If you brother is happy and your parents are happy, you should be happy for your brother. You want an MBA girl specifically but dont want her to work?! What kind of a twisted requirement is that? What is wrong with having a musical background?!
     
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  2. Jasminemarigold

    Jasminemarigold New IL'ite

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    I hope the girl your parents have chosen realise what she is letting herself in for. Your family has no interest in music and the poor girl has a
    Masters in Music. What will happen when she want to go to listen to any music shows or visit any special place of music. Will your brother go with her or take any interest in that side of her life.

    Being able to have an ear for music is a special gift and not everyone has that gift. Will your family treasure that gift or will it be stifled and shut away because in your opinion it has no value next to your MBA.

    If I was the mother of that girl, I would not be going for an alliance in your family. I have three daughters so I know what I am talking about. I want my child to be appreciated for who she is and not looked down upon because she does not meet your high standards.
     
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  3. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    It's not fun degree and you and I may not acheieve it.

    I second lot with sminemarigold.This women worth by not seen by your brohter and you.

    That girl should find some one who has same interests as her.
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.
  4. Mehana

    Mehana Platinum IL'ite

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    I went for 2 yrs to learn bharatanatiyam at my school age, nearly 10 girls were there with me but one of my friend(my class mate) who did learnt fully. she started her class when she is 7 and finished all the courses in bharatanatyam. I learnt only for 2 yrs bez I couldnt manage my school work with dance I dropped but my friend she managed both and took part in all dance competitions and won many awards. You know how much she sacrificed to attend this status. Now she is having own dance class, self employed and having a happy life .

    Dont ever compare our degree with other, each one has own interest who knows she can become a busy lady by tommorrow. If ur brother and ur parents doesnt concern about her degree y u worry.

    As Jasmine said, ur family should know to respect her talent and give full freedom, learning music is not easy as other said. I do no whther u learned music or not, as a friend I will advice to that girl(bride) not to get married in ur family wasting all her talent......
     
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  5. mapleleaf

    mapleleaf Silver IL'ite

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    You have a master's degree in Business and the girl in question here has a master's degree in Music, two different subjects none of them is higher or lesser than the other. She has remained unemployed it is her personal choice, your brother wants a stay at home wife it is his personal preference. Like Rakhi said learning music (or any form of art for that matter) is very difficult it is not for everybody, but you can certainly learn to appreciate the talent of someone else who has mastered it. There are so many popular singers who were happy homemakers first who became famous after marriage with their husband's support and encouragement. Its all in your outlook and how you view others.
    If at all anything the main concern should be if both your brother and the girl have matching views on life and future, if they have compatiable thoughts, if they like each other's company and each other's family.
    Good luck.
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.
  6. peartree

    peartree Platinum IL'ite

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    saraswathi

    Please stop thinking like most Indians, that only certain educational qualifications are lucrative and others are not. You said your brother's done his MCom, does that mean he was not capable or brainy enough to land a more lucrative engineering admission and thus had to take commerce in XIIth? Is that not how most of us think? I would guess your brother's interest was in commerce and has hence chosen to make his career in that field. Similarly, please do not underestimate a degree in music. The girl is gifted in an art form that not all can appreciate/learn. And do you know how many people living outside India want to learn music and look for teachers who can teach through skype? I myself was learning through skype like that and paid $100 monthly for 4 classes. Teach 5 students like that and she will probably earn as much as you and your brother!

    That said, what Jasmine has said is also a very valid point! Please discuss it with your brother/family from that POV without letting your superiority complex in. And in case, the alliance does come through and the girl does get married to your family, please treat her well. Do not look down upon her just because you think you're better qualified.
     
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  7. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    Saraswathi,
    1. She has a masters degree.
    Your attitude sounds like having 'superiority', pls. drop that attitude so even after your bro marries her, she wont have to face that attitude from you.
    Respect a person for their good nature, not based on whether they are BE or MBA or MD

    2. This should be your brother's decision and the girl's decision. Let them make the decision without any interference.
     
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2010
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  8. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    JasmineMarigold, I love what you said. :bowdown

    I hope this music girl's parents have your same attitude, that their daughter should be appreciated for WHO SHE IS.
     
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  9. rsk11584

    rsk11584 Silver IL'ite

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    Yeah typical indian thinking, as the OP and her bro are in commerce field the OP thinks a gal having commerce, engg would be more suitable and music is waste, but its not like that, nowadays many arts are getting recognition, a tatoo parlour artiste makes 3000 for a half hour tatoo design session in chennai, and in my office there is one beauty parlour office they also earn lot of money, lots of singers perform in theatres and earn money, there is recognition for each and every job, even the pundit who comes for pooja earns 5000 per pooja, all without income tax, and other problems, hard cash. You think only engg, commerce, medical are the good job fields , please take this attitude from your mind, even i get sometimes pissed off when people ask me that your sis did engg why you took commerce, its like asking you took commerce because you did not get good marks for taken in engg field, this is what the public will think,, :rant
     
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  10. saraswathilives

    saraswathilives Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi,

    Thank you ladies for all ur replies !!!

    Few things I would like to clarify are as below :

    1. I do not hold a superiority complex for having an MBA ... If ppl feel I hold ... yes I hold coz as ppl say getting a PG in any field is difficult ... means that I have also toiled to finish my MBA and land in a good job ...
    2. We need not generalise this as a typical Indian thinking since this is only my feeling and not all Indians feel like this ...
    3. As I've mentioned earlier ... my family members are least interested in Music... and I do worry that the girl may not get the encouragement she wishes to get from my brother though he wont discourage .... he many accompany her once in a while to concerts but may not be always since his interest levels are such ...
    4. And I know that it is none of my business to interfere in their affairs ... but pls be informed that they are yet to be married ... and this alliance is yet to be fixed ... and this is an arranged marriage ... I can give my views / suggestions alone to my brother .... the final decision is to be made by him ...
    5. Other thing is that Im a person who cannot tolerate intrusions by anybody be it my parents or in-laws .... so I do give the same treatment to others ... Im not intruding or interfereing ... Im just giving my views ... If my bro and parents decide on this alliance .... I would surely be happy and be ready to welcome this girl without any reservations ....
    6. And lastly ladies pls don't jump into conclusions or generalise things .... like saying u're arrogant and have snotty attitude and all ...
     

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