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Brother And Sister In Law Never Happy For Us..?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Patientone, Sep 28, 2020.

  1. Patientone

    Patientone Bronze IL'ite

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    How to deal with it? My husbands brother and his wife are never happy for us. I’m nearly 19 weeks pregnant and his wife is around 12 weeks. They told everyone in the group chat today. But when my husband told them I was pregnant too, they didn’t seem too excited but shocked initially. We didn’t get the same excitement we had for them. Not even a congratulations. I don’t know I’m happy for them and I prayed she’d get pregnant because she wanted a second child badly and was insecure. They also tried to hide it like she just found out at 6 weeks but certain things give away like she’s 12 weeks. I don’t understand the need to lie either. It’s not only in this...they’re always competing. Especially husbands brother. He has to prove his wife is better than me to put MIL. Even though I have nothing but good words for her.
     
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  2. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    There are no set rules but it would be thoughtful to let others bask in their moment of joy and congratulations, and not share your happy update right then, even if the updates are similar.
     
    SunPa likes this.
  3. Patientone

    Patientone Bronze IL'ite

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    That’s true but I have an inkling my mother in law told them before. We didn’t tell them this time (well I didn’t because I was very poorly, had a miscarriage a month before and also the fact that brother in law decided to cause havoc and thought he would tell my MIl about my first pregnancy even before we had told her). He thought we hadn’t told her and he decided to break our happy news to her before us. He didn’t know we had told MIL 6 weeks earlier. But my MIl decided to play the blame game and said ‘Thanks for telling me last’. Omg the drama.

    anyways serves him right because he’s never happy for us and looks down his nose at us. I’m happy for them though. But I hope my husband taught him a lesson.
     
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  4. Patientone

    Patientone Bronze IL'ite

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    The way he told my MIL shocked me. He kept ringing her and saying have they rang you yet? She said no . He did it 3 times and then blabbed. He had no right to tell her before us( he didn’t know we had already told her and she ‘forgot’)
     
  5. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    I don’t understand how can she “forget” such news..

    From next time stop sharing anything too soon and just ignore...
     
    Last edited: Sep 28, 2020
  6. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    The "I'm happy for them though" reads quite out of place with the sentiments residing alongside it.

    If you are happy for someone, care enough about them to pray for what they desire, you wouldn't give a damn about when they shared, how they shared, and play detective with their version of their news ("certain things give away like she’s 12 weeks").

    All of you are going to be parents the second time around, seems like there is a lot of collective growing up to happen.

    Though you know what.. I felt like this too .. now that I remember... my mother blabbed about my first pregnancy to relatives way before the 12 week mark though explicitly requested to not do so. It was a lesson well learnt for me. Time has dulled the anger I felt at her indiscretion. I guess it takes a while for our parents to recognize that we are adults and we get to decide things like when we will share what news with whom, what gift I will give to whom, which relatives I will meet when and for how long when I visit India... The first time I didn't handover the "gifts" suitcase to her to distribute as she deemed fit was so liberating.
     
  7. Patientone

    Patientone Bronze IL'ite

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    Unfortunately that’s the relationship both brothers have. The elder brother does the same with certain news so husband has a habit too. However he did congratulate his brother first and then later said my wife is pregnant too. Otherwise brother in law would create an issue about ‘he never told me’.
     
  8. Patientone

    Patientone Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks. That’s why this time around my husband only told her. He didn’t tell his brother and sister because it caused problems last time (she forget and BIL decided to tell it himself). I could have confronted him about it and caused drama. But I just stayed quiet. I didn’t want drama the 2nd time I was pregnant. Hence why husband might have not shared it with his brother so soon.
     
  9. Patientone

    Patientone Bronze IL'ite

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    I’m genuinely happy for her. I just don’t like the Interrogative questions from her. I share the information (Because we’re family)and then when I ask, I get bland answers. It’s just not this situation but many over the years and I try to be patient when they cause havoc for us by backbiting about us to inlaws. It can ruin someone’s marriage. My MIl has a habit of taunting us with information provided by her eldest son and wife. So sweet to our face but Satan behind our back. He doesn’t know, I know what he and his wife do. It’s not about growing up. It’s about keeping your mental health sane. It’s not even about playing detective, it’s about having an honest relationship rather than constantly lying about everything. Feeling safe with the other couple and trusting them. A relationship works two ways. It can’t be just congratulations congratulations well done well done. They need acknowledge our happiness too. Otherwise it just feels draining.

    With our mums and even MILs it’s given they will tell. It’s something you just know they will share. Better to be clever about what you share. Our parents will always try to do what’s best for us so people don’t talk. In terms of breaking news early, you have to be in your parents shoes to hear the digs they hear about when is your child having a baby? When is the 2nd one coming? So and so’s daughter has already had 3 kids Constant digs. So I don’t blame them if they ‘blab’.
     
    Rihana likes this.
  10. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    You shared your good news, and let them react the way they want to react. It is upto them, and any wishes or congratulations needs to come from the heart - not from the mouth for formality sake.
    If they wish, accept it as a blessing
    If not, realize their true colors
    Either way, move on as you have a lot on your plate already.

    As for parents, brothers, BILs and SILs...... it is no longer your family. They are relatives of different families, despite the living arrangements. Even if they live under one roof or separately, the fact remains unchanged.

    My mom will tell everything that happens inside my house (between myself and H) to my brother and sometimes to SIL as if she is a 3rd person.
    I feel very very bad about discussing certain family/personal matters that I prefer to keep within the house.
    But for mom, it is a news.

    But she has a lot of news, which she doesn't wanna share with her SNILs or DILs.
     

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