Bringing up children

Gayathri67 · Sep 17, 2013

Yesterday my son returned from his tuition class and said, 'Amma,you know that girl who rides a pink cycle. She borrowed a rubber from me during the class. But she tried to leave without returning it. When I asked her she hid the rubber in her frock and said, 'I gave it back.'

So I had to write without my rubber. I am going to complain to our neighbor.' (That girl comes to our neighbor's house also for tuition).

'I told him to leave it, and just remember not to lend her anything again. But neverthless my son went to my neighbor's house(without my knowledge) and complained to them.

'It is not for the rubber,'he told them. 'I don't want her to cheat me again.'

The neighbour lady then told me that the girl was doing that all the time. She borrowed things from others and never returned them and always went off with the things. 'There are complaints from her school also. Poor things,her parents do not know what to do. They come and cry to me.But see that you don't show your new pencil or rubber to her,'they told my son.

Now, I have noticed this tendency in a few other children too. One day when my son took many of his animal rubber toys to class as his teacher had asked for them. he returned home with six of them missing.We still do not know where they disappeared to.

What I want to know is when a child brings such a new 'something' home from school do parents notice it? Do they ask the child where it came from? Do they ask the child to return it? Do they drive sense into the child that neither a borrower,nor a lender not a covettor of others' things be?:bonk

Dinny · Sep 17, 2013

True bringing up the children the right way matters.....but theres no formula to it.
I understand the fact that some children are generally curious and lift things just out of curiosity.And most of them grow out of this habit on their own.But as parents its worrying and you cant always just sit back and assume child will grow out of these habits.
I think at the first instance itself the parents should try to remove the causes of the child wanting to steal. If the child needs pencil, paper or eraser.. the parents should fulfill this need. If they neglect this need of the child it is likely that he will pick the things from his/her class-mates. He/she may even take money from the father’s pocket or mother's purse to buy the things. If the child wants a ball to play and the parents refuse to buy one for him the child might forcibly take the ball of a friend forcibly. Or even he might steal a ball from the neighbourhood grocer. The parents must take care to fulfill the child’s needs to the extent possible .If certain things he wants are beyond their means they should make the child understand by telling him the facts affectionately. For example.... they can tell him that they don’t have so much money that they immediately buy for him/her the colour pencil box required urgently. And that he/she may borrow the box today from his friend to do his immediate task and they shall get him one later.
Tough attitude with the children might encourage them to steal. If the parents are keeping eatables locked in the pantry the child will plan somehow to search the key and take out the goodies for eating. This thing can happen in the near impossible situation when the parents want to eat the things themselves and deny to the child. Parents must take the children into their confidence and should not give them a feeling that things are being hidden from them. They should teach the child that life is spent with some discipline. Money is for buying necessities and should not be squandered carelessly.
And OP next time you too must refrain from sending very attractive stationeries to school.First of all sending such attractive stationaries will encourage other chidlren to lift your son's pencils and erasers etc.And secondly your son might be seen as a show off in the class.So some children might lift his things just to hurt him.
Remember we clap with both our hands...so if the parent on the other side is trying to prevent their child from doing something wrong and then on this side its your responsibility to help them.

superwoman09 · Sep 17, 2013

You did the right thing by asking your child not to lend her things anymore. I feel as parents we should teach our child to return if they bring home anything from school/friends that is not theirs. A child may take something out of curiosity or because they liked it without realizing that it is wrong to take other persons stuff. Even if the child brings home something the parents should make sure that it is returned back to the rightful owner all the while telling that it is wrong. The child will learn slowly.

Mahajanpragati · Sep 18, 2013

as a mother whose child 'stole 'some others child's toy cars I would say the best way is to accompany the child to friends house........ask the child to say sorry to both kid & her mom & then talk to your own child..........if it happens in school then also try to get the child to return the thing with a sorry & must talk to your child about it

i did not scold my child but talked to him why we shouldn't take other people's things......and reinforced this with some made up story about child who stole others things.............Thankfully such incident didn't happen again.and always give any child benefit of doubt.......they may not have done something intentially.

Also, if your kid ends up loosing erasers,pencils in school don't assume that it got stolen.......i have seen many kids carelessly drop there things & won't bother to check there tables /drawers before leaving for home.......