Black Magic

Alright Sonu1973;
I was hoping that a few days of break would calm you down... now I understand the earlier statements you made were not just impulsive and you seriously believe in them.
Here is my response to each one of your allegations that were based on your assumptions rather than what I said-

1) Both Kavya and I read your statements as your bad-wish for the other people to suffer. I do not know about Kavya but I still believe that. Why?
You are talking about future, your talking about what could happen in the time that you have not seen. The last I knew, only gods or some psychics knew about future. Unless, you are one of them a statement about future does not make it a fact in present. I recently read a story in chinmaya balvihar magazine, to cut a long story short.. "a sadhu was teased by few young students, when they were all sailing in a boat. A storm came around, the sadhu saw a figure in front of his asking him to punish the kids by overturning the boat...... but the sadhu said....you are the demon in me that is talking, the god in me will never think bad should/would happen for other people". Bottomline, every person has a god and demon within him. The demon in us wants us to believe in Tit for Tat, it wants to believe in blaming others for our situation. The god in us teaches taking personal responsibility. No matter, how bad the situation is it is in our hands to either blame others for the situation and suffer or do something about it that makes you happy (or deal with the situation) without hurting others.

- If you go back to reading my posts again, there was probably an implication that the problem could be partly yours. I never denied that your in-laws are not to be blamed, on the same token I never said you are the cause of the problem. This is an example of how you are over reading the statements without taking them on face value. If you are doing that with my suggestion (you do not know who I am and you got that statement because you came to IL seeking for help), a sought advice. Just imagine how you might be taking your in-laws statements or any others that you are already prejudiced against. So, who needs a reality check?


-- About my personal issues:
- I can easily cut you off by saying it is none of your business.
But I am going to give an explanation with a hope that you will take it in a good heart and try to find happiness in your life instead of blaming other people.

I am not separated, I am divorced now. My in-laws believed in black magic too. Every second sentence that came out of my ex-MILs mouth said the same sentence you said "you will suffer, you will suffer for what your doing to me...". To the extent that when I found out that my ex-husband has a child outside of marriage they blamed it on magic or entrappment by that other woman. Nothing to do with their son,...he can never do anything wrong. When my ex-husband failed exams, it was because my parents did black magic on him so that he cannot get better in life. It has nothing to do with his unpreparedness to the exam. Despite of being highly educated, all my ex-in laws never believed in personal responsibility. They always blamed on black magic, or others around in their life.
Both my ex-FIL and ex-MIL came from very big families (each have atleast 6 siblings) but not a single one of those siblings or their families interact with my ex-in laws. Do you think that is normal? When I decided to go for divorce, all of my ex-FILs family members came to support me. They are still in touch with me. According to them, I am being used as a tool by god as a pay back to my ex-MIL's past behavior and I should be happy to get out of the relationship now!
--- Now, why did I choose divorce instead of sticking to him? Let me tell you here, he wanted to continue the marriage!! I chose that because, I know my limitations. My limitation is; I cannot make someone happy, when they themselves do not know what makes them happy. So, what is the point in staying in relationship when both of you are not happy. He and his family believed that I am the cause of his unhappiness and I know I can never do anything to undo that feeling (I tried for 12 years). Also, I believe in -- it is ones own duty to make themselves happy. I chose my path with that as my guidance and not society norms!!

That is a long post.......only hope that you will take a moment to do serious soul searching and reflect on your situations. If you are depressed, seek help. Your husband is bad, take him to counseling. In-laws relationship is bad, try not to aggravate them. But blaming it on things that you did not see, will not solve your problem.
Every time you get angry, please remember the following sloka from Bhagvadgita chapter 2:

dhyayato visayan pumsah
sangas tesupajayate
sangat sanjayate kamah
kamat krodho ’bhijayate​

krodhad bhavati sammohah
sammohat smriti-vibhramah
smriti-bhramsad buddhi-naso
buddhi-nasat pranasyati​

"While contemplating the objects of the senses, a person develops attachment for them, and from such attachment lust develops, and from lust anger arises."
"From anger, complete delusion arises, and from delusion bewilderment of memory. When memory is bewildered, intelligence is lost, and when intelligence is lost one falls down again into the material pool". ​

Good luck.
DrJP

 

My dear sonu,
don't take the comments to heart when people comment, just let it pass.
I also do not have any clue about you. I know you were angry because you were being blamed for everything, i know it makes one very angry.
Everyone is just trying to help you in their own way, take it as a blessing that there are so many people who care about you. We women will always feel for our fellow sisters.

I know you are a great person and everything will be fine for you and your family. PLease try not to react to things analyse the situation and then react do not react immediately.

I have passed through a lot tough time in my life with my family and it is not easy, when everything is so negative at home there are always quarrels at home. My dear please don't angry. i can still feel your anger. come on dear let it go.

you are my friend and every one in this site my friend as well.
my prayers are with you and your family.
take care dear
love
alpa:cheers

 

:rotfl:rotfl:rotfl:rotfl:rotfl:rotfl:rotfl:rotfl:rotfl:rotfl
Sonu1973:
I am literally rolling on the floor with laughter. Thank you, I haven't done this in awhile!
I do not remember saying anything about wishing bad for anyone let alone my in laws (wonder where you got that from?). All I said was, I got out of the relationship because I know my limitations.
Looks like you really really wanted to use MY words against me (even though it is not relevant anymore), to the extent that you copied even the smilie!!! .

Kindly, do not talk about my personality or my issues anymore. Obviously, we are two different personalities that do not agree, you believe in black magic, I believe in personal responsibility.
Thank you for your good wishes, yes I am happier now!
Good luck and take care.
Hope you will have peace and happiness in life

 

Ladies,

Please please please refrain from passing hurtful comments at each other. Lets not confuse our beliefs with our personality. Very often our beliefs are coming from our upbrining, surroundings and personal fears. So lets not judge each other for that.

I would not tolerate anyone passing "hurtful , unnecesaary personal comments for other member's personal situations.". Thats just unfair and uncivilized. Being married or being seperated are no indicators of anyone's character. People have different situation and lets respect everyone's situation. Lets behave like educated and self restrained people.

Ria

 

I agree with Ria.

alpa

 

Apologies.
I realize some of my comments could be sensitive issues to some people.

Guess, I got carried away because I have seen several instances where families fell apart because of their belief in black magic.
As 8 year child, I witnessed a pregnant woman caned and beaten to get the devil out of her!!
I know a close relatives mom that has been house arrested for almost 33 years now -- because her post-partum depression was taken as black magic done on herbonk, instead of seeking psychiatric help!!!
I understand the situation here does not sound that bad, but in marital life once we start blaming others for the problems in our relationship (including in-laws) it is slippery road from there.

Hope Sonu takes my suggestions positively.

Ria,
you are absolutely right about beliefs being based on upbringing. However, our understanding of life does not stop with transition to adulthood, we continue to learn, evolve and accordingly our beliefs could change too! Also, we continue to adapt to our new beliefs that generally has a significant affect on our personality.

 

Not to be rude, but BLACK MAGIC? It's a load of BALONEY. It's all in our minds.

Do not fall victim to this belief that someone else can make or break your destiny. Only God can do that and not one single human being is God.

This is the 21st century, ladies. Let's put aside our superstitions and move onto the New Millennium.