Big Fight

Akruti,

If you cant keep your cool when your MIL is yelling at you, tell her you cannot take such yelling and just walk out of that room. That way, you will be able to cut the conversation short without it escalating into a big issue.

I would say, your DH acted reasonably and your MIL was very unreasnable. No guy can ask his mom or dad to shut up in front of his wife, no matter how wrong they are and no matter how much he loves his wife. This is a fact of life. We need to accept this.

Just chill...

-Lakshmi

 

I dont know why akruti's MIL is creating so much problems for her. For so silly reasons shes fighting with her DIL!! hows that fair to akruti?? Her DH has tried but he is not able to change his mother at all.. I am worried for akruti and her child. Akruti - you will develop pregnancy complications - BP and diabetes - if you get these complications then takinf care of the baby will be difficult for you. Believe me I went through all worries druign my entire pregnancy and instead of being happy, I was constantly worried. I did not have ILS living with me (neither my parents) but that did not stop them from dropping all kinds of bombshells every weekend. The end result - I have diabetes, blood pressure and premature heart disease. No one else is affected - just my health!! And now i have to take care of myself if I want to be around for my son - Thats why I keep urging you to do waht you want. If you do what keeps you happy then do it. Even if MIL screams it wont bother you much. Atleast you will be happy knowing that you are doing what you wanted. Its not worth losing your health. you need it to take care of your lil ones (they are very demanding you will see)

This MIL complaining about cooking - do not give in a lot -especially things that you really believe in. Thats who we are and no one should change it. So stand your ground. Be little selfish for yourself.

 

First calm down. Always give 24 hours time after a fight. Be patient. Everyones mind will work better after 24hrs of fight.

Second, why are u very keen on leaving your husband? for each and everything why are you threatening him like that? Are you thinking about your unborn kids future? Is this how you want to bring your child? Separation can be done, but are you ready to face the consequences? How long are you planning to stay with your parents forever, till their lifetime is it? So please stop this blackmailing and think straight.

What you said is one thing, how others interpret is an entirely different issue. You mentioned you RAISED your voice, which to others can mean - you are pissed off, you are shouting, you are irritated etc? So how can you control their thoughts as you want it. Accept that their is mistake in your part as well. If you know your MIL wanted you to do the poojai on this day, why did not you wake up early, get your things done and do the pooja relaxedly? Why did you push it to the last min that you are stressed, your MIL is worried. So there is mistake on both of you. So chill and dont blow this out of proportion. I guess your husband is sensible and thats why he is not doing anything, giving you the freedom of all this drama since you are pregnant, but dont over use and make him feel pissed off.

About work, you can discuss with your husband about this. Now use your pregnancy factor. Tell him, you have short energy bursts and other times you are so tired. So you cannot do all the work and it makes u more tired which inturn might affect the baby as you grab all the energy for yourself and nothing is being sent to the baby. So tell him what you can do what you cannot. If you can cook a meal, then say so. If you can wash few dishes, then thats what you are thinking of doing, may be he can help if his Mom cannot. Try to be supportive, from what you said, I think your husband will also be supportive of you and help you out. Life is how you make it happy by your choices and wise decisions. As they say it is in your hands to mould it how you want it to be. You can either shout, cry and make it miserable or be smart and team play with your husband and thus retain peace. Its all upto you.

Finally about your brothers marriage. Is this during your pregnancy or after? If it is after why sweat about it now. U can handle it when the right time comes, for now enjoy your pregnancy. Remember the baby listens to all your thoughts and feelings. Your stress hormones reaches it too. Be responsible and dont let such petty situations affect your baby.

Good luck !!

 

"If you know your MIL wanted you to do the poojai on this day, why did not you wake up early, get your things done and do the pooja relaxedly? Why did you push it to the last min that you are stressed, your MIL is worried. So there is mistake on both of you"

And why does Akruti have to get up at 5 am to do the pooja and go to work????????????? Why is it that MIL's custom is more important than her own DIL's convinience?????? I am sorry I cant understand that logic!

What makes you think her husband is more sensible? HAd he been sensible he would have invited his mother for 3 months instead of 6 and would have called at the time of delivery and not before. That way with a kid MIL would have been occupied with the kid rather than tormenting an already hassled woman!!

Granted MIL doesnt like Akruti for wahtever reasons she may have - She may not be a DIL as per her liking - but is this the time to fight with her????????? Granted that she cant change MIL but asking her to keep quiet and suffer - given akrutis nature - is going to be the worst of all

There is a way to apprach things - common courtesy

 

ok now your MIL also knows that her son wont slap you or hit you if she keeps nagging him. So just cool it and now you have full right, to just sit and relax, because your husband didnt say anything about you NOT TAKING Care of his parents.

so do what you can and the rest leave it..and be calm. I know we get hyper when we see people who keep finding faults in us, but thats what they want, they want us to loose our temper, so that they can show us bad and gain sympathy from their son.

so again its the same suggestion...keep calm...keep cool. show your husband that you are patient with her and dont utter a word against her. Remember you have tohandle these things after delivery also because even at that time she woudl want to have a say in everything. So slowly ignore her words and do what you want and put her on track from now on...dont talk back or answer back..that way you wont have to keep saying sorry to her. Hold your anger and use it wisely. you have to give her ..her own medicine...

Always remember...if you want to fight with her head-on..you would be the loser. Would you like it if your hsuband fights with your mom face to face? NO. so best thing is ignore what ever she is saying, asking or suggesting..and do what you want to..let her yell shout and what not.. if you dont talk back, atelast youd ont have to say sorry or fall on her feet. you have to be firm. if you say NO it means NO. you have to train everyone around you like that.Once you say you wont take pressure, you are not going to take pressure from anyone and not cooking or cleaning or no pleasing business. This is purelyyour time and your babys time.

 

What a scoundrel, She is???? Yes she is NO.1 Scoundrel........

What kind of filthy lady, who asks her own son to hit his pregnant wife???

I blame GOD sometimes for making such worthless people!!!!

Sorry Ilites I had to vent out!!!!


OP: I agree so much with others who ask you to calm down and not act in haste. I agree with SriVidya so much. You have to train people that once you said NO you mean it and they need to act accordingly.
Also, by answering back and fighting you are losing your ground so be strong and deal this issue in a calm manner.
Talk to your dh and explain him your feelings. I am sure he must be an understanding guy.

Good luck!!!

 

psych, dont get psyched , I will be more than happy to explain my thought process when I suggested that. It is for your own sake, to have peace of mind and thus not have drama when u are about to leave to work. Its is called preplanning. To make sure everyone's wishes are achieved and thus we dont have any heart aches during the rush hour.

Balancing both work and home is a tedious work if there is no planning. Just ask any working woman, she has to wake up early to take care of her family and then go ahead with her job. Atleast that is what I do and it had helped me so far. Though I miss the early morning sleep under my warm comforter, atleast I am not having any stress from others accusing that I am not being a responsible DIL, wife first ;-)

Hope this clears it.

Now about the husband, how can u define 3 months as sensible and 6 months is not? May be he would have thought more the time, more the help for my wife. It is domestic help that we get when my wife is not able to cook. It can also be like that, no? There are miserable pregnant ladies who dont have help even during pregnancy due to visa and other issues and handle everything all by themselves. May be this guy thought it would be a blessing for his wife to have someone to help out. Ofcourse DIL and MIL are not the best person to gel out easily, but if that is sorted out, your job gets done right?

Anyways, to me he is sensible from what I read from her post, it may be true, may be not as always everyone has the freedom to think on their own dont they?

 

Hey Akruthi,

read Nandshyam carefully...She is somewhat right...Pls do not feel bad..I know ur mil is doing all this so that u'll not be able to go to ur bro marriage...See u can do 2 things only...first book ur tickets after or before (if he is against)discussing to ur DH if u really dying to attend it....becz I know ur DH will not allow u if ur ILS r not ready and also top of that he wants US citizen and u have threaten him that u want to be there till delivery so he would not be agree to send u to India...So frame ur sentence before speaking..BUT remem the consequences also....if something bad happens then u'll be the only responsible for breaking family becz ur DH is silent becz of pregnancy....and if u have lost then ur MIL will feed ur DH and divorce can be the result...:drowning

Second ask ur parents to postpone it...becz Why do u want to create fights if there are already a lot...so at least this issue is in ur parents hand so let them postpone it if their daughter can not enjoy it...They should show ur ILS that how much imp u and ur baby is for them that they took so big decision to postpone it. Your case will not be new ...in India I have seen many marriages are being postponed becz groom's or bride's sisters are pregnant....Understand this..if ur ILS let u go still u will have fear not to do this and that...cant dance or will be physical stressful....so better postpone it..this way ur baby will also be with u in the marriage after he arrives...

I am sure second one will be the best way...as ur ILs will not say anything...yah one more thing u can have ur bros marriage after 6 weeks of delivery so that if ur ILS come to help u then they have to leave with u...or u can say u have to live with them for minimum period for 6 weeks only not for 6 months...while coming bring ur mom with u.....ur MIL's dream will come true that she wants to live with u during delivery and u and ur family can enjoy with baby too during ur bro's marriage...beleive me if there is normal delivery u can travel in 6 weeks or before that too.....What say ladies......I hope ur parents will not mind to doing that as u love them so much they do also to u

 

Hey Akruthi,

Did u read my post which is before u....i think u and me were writing at same time