Being Trolled And Bullied And Personally Attacked On Social Networking

@Needtobestrong - It’s never a good idea to post on open social media groups about parenting SAHM Vs going back to work etc. Those are all sore points for many women. We never know how many insecure people are out there. As a rule, I don’t post on any WhatsApp/FB groups. Even when people ask a question that I know the answer to I’ve stopped. It’s best not to answer in these groups. We don’t know who the other people are. They don’t even have their names properly just some initials and then some generic profile photos. Over sharing leads to people getting information about us that may have unintended consequences - like how many kids, what gender, what grades, where everyone works etc. It’s out there for eternity. Best to use your read only mode in such groups and post in places like IL obscuring data.
One of my friends told me to stop posting so much on social media because of evil nazar. After two years of her pressure, I stopped posting pics. I wonder if the evil nazar is gone. Now I only post political banter. Have to stop doing that too because apparently my son’s school has a parent FB group they want to add me to. That will be fun with all my anti Republican posts in a red state

 

What seemed OK to you can easily seem condescending and patronizing to others, as noted in posts above. That is the nature of written public discussion.

It really is pretty simple. For a long time politics, religion and salary have been considered taboo topics in conversation. With the advent of social media a bunch of popular and hopelessly predictable debates get added to that list. When is it OK for mom to go back to work in an office is one such topic. Expressing opinion on this rarely ends well. So, don't. Unless one thrives on such debates and it brings a high.

Your friend's woes (yours?) are sad but not relevant to her social media experience. She wrote about a touchy topic in a public forum, the conversation went as most such conversations do -- downhill.

Like I said in my previous post, if one is going through personal struggles it is better to avoid discussions on related hot topics. Since her SAHM status is a sensitive one for her and her husband is not supportive, it would be common sense for her to avoid the topic in public debate. If she absolutely wants to write about it, a better place would be her own blog, or as a separate standalone "sharing my story" format, when she is not feeling very raw about it.

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Frankly, none of the examples you have given in the first post qualify for personal attack, trolling or bullying claims.

1) In a group of parents who are not close friends, if one parent complains about the tuition hike, there will be some comments about options like govt. school.

2) Lady who posted her travel plans on a group and guys PM'ed her with friendship and hookup invites - is it rocket science to remember that women should not share their travel plans in a group where such men are also members? People said that it is because of such travel that Covid is spreading. So? Are the people completely wrong? Isn't such an opinion to be expected in a time when the origin, cause, prevention and cure of a virus are still hazy and people are dying by the thousands?

3) Your posts in a job-related group did not get approved while random queries by others got approved - there can be a million reasons for this. Not so long ago I used to imagine that my threads here in IL on certain topics got moved while threads by other members on those topics got to remain wherever they started it. : ) Fortunately, I introspected a bit and a few good reasons presented themselves for the seeming disparity in thread getting moved.

Social media is no kind place overflowing with politeness and consideration. But while navigating it I often have to remind myself of the quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson:
"Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted."

Coming back to your friend who wrote about it is good if moms BF babies till 1 year.. It is about what is said, when it is said, how it is said, and who all are going to read it. The "how it is said" being the most important. As an example, the tone of my posts in this thread is "strong" and heavy on the ideal way according to me of handling social media interactions. I should be prepared for strong responses. I chose formula and dealt with quite a few women like your friend and so am prepared. If I were not, I would simply read this thread and not write in it.

Twice or more you have said that her comments on BF "seemed quite OK to me." It might give you perspective to know that they did not seem OK to me. To read the options listed out brought back the horrible memories I have long since confined to some dark recesses of the mind. I can recall the voices of my well-meaning friends and co-workers listing the same options, the La Leche consultant phone numbers they gave me, their offers to come home and show me how to massage my boobs, their cluelessness when I asked for real scientific evidence (numbers and real statistics) of the benefits of BM.

See? A random thread in a weekend years and nearly decades after those difficult times can cause an allegedly "strong" person like me to come undone? No one except a mother herself will know the hell of second-guessing decisions like formula, daycare and what not. Each time the child misses a physical or other developmental milestone, the monkey in the brain starts the "what if" dance.