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Being good mother-in-law is a problem?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sangs.srinivas, Mar 21, 2008.

  1. sangs.srinivas

    sangs.srinivas New IL'ite

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    Hai llites,
    My mother is a very good mother in law. She never saw her daughter in laws different to her daughter. I have three bhabhis and two of them treat my mother as their mother and the third is the new one. She is pregnent now. My mom asks her to take meals, drink milk and juices and takes all care a mother has to take care. Even though she has the problem and told her parents that she is being tortured. And now she is in her mothers place as my brother is out of India on job purpose. And she does not want to go to my brother after her delivery also. My brother asked her to apply for passport and after so much pressure she agreed and applied last week. She shows her self good to all in the public meeting. My big sister-in-laws talked to her in this matter that why are u behaving in such a way. We all can stay happily, we have no tensions, no money problems, etc. But no use. She doesnt care to reply my brothers e-mails and reply to his calls.He is very much in worry.
    Can any one suggest what to do.

    Sangs.
     
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  2. umasridharan

    umasridharan Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Sangs
    Find out is there any misundersatandings between her and her hubby?
    If yr sister-in-law is the only child of her family, then there will be problems like this will arise. Better talk to her parents about her behaviour.
    uma
     
  3. sowminivibu

    sowminivibu Silver IL'ite

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    dear sangs

    ask ur borhter to speak to his wife and i feel that could solve the problems .....i think this could be the best way as she would feel better only when he speaks rather than ur mum or the elder SILs speaking to her..

    lov
    sowmi
     
  4. sangs.srinivas

    sangs.srinivas New IL'ite

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    Dear uma and sowmi,
    Thanks for the reply but the problem is she is not talking to my brother. She is not lifting his phone calls and gives an explanation that she forgot her phone in the school, etc. She is not the only daughter, they are five sisters and two brothers. They had hide from us that they are five sisters also. We accepted that saying what to do with her family members, we want to enjoy with our bhabhi.
    What to do?
    I am unable to see my mom and brother in depression. They are being pointed out unnecessarily. As my father is no more my mom takes care of us and her DIL very good way.
    Suggest me.
    SangeethaComputer Typing:ideabonk
     
  5. padija

    padija Senior IL'ite

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    are you sure that there is no problem between your brother and bhabhi? then why she is not talking to your brother? no women (even the worst case) will just stop talking to their husbands. try to find out that first before you talk to their parents.
     
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  6. sangs.srinivas

    sangs.srinivas New IL'ite

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    Dear Girija,:coffee
    Yes I also think there is a problem between them. But they are not coming out to themselves. They got married in last september. And I also agree that no lady will stop talking with her husband after marriage. I am not pointing her out,but she atleast reply to my brothers mails.This is creating problems and misunderstandings between them.He says she is not interested in me or what? Why is she not lifting my phone or giving reply to my mails. Every time she gives a cool explanation for not checking mails or not attending the phone call. She is pregnant for 7 months. My brother wants to contact her but their family members give out what not reasons. I dont understant why dont parents teach their daughters some thing reasonable before getting them married. When there is no problem in the in-laws house why do they try to creat a problem. They should tell their daughter how to behave atleast with her husband( let others go to hell).As for 34 years she was in her mothers house I can understand her concern towards her parents, at the sametime she should maintain a relationship with in-laws house also. We love her alot and wants to enjoy with her. My other two bhabhi are really fun lovers we want the third to be like that only but she is not understanding our love towards her. What to do Girija.
    When they talks to each other then only they can solve the problem but nothing positive signs are there from her side. This is making my brother think in other way. He says,"I am not getting any happiness from her so why should I continue my relationship.I love her somuch that cannot hurt her also. And says she is pregnant and my kid is with her. I can take a decision only after her delivery. I will bring the visas, if she is ready to come then no problem, if not then I will do what I have to do".
    My brother and bhabhi are much matured that I cant talk between them but my brother listens to me and loves me alot as I am only sisters for them. So I want to do something to them that this problem gets solved and they live happily. I dont want anyone to point out them. I want everyone to say what a lovely couple they are. They love deach other alot.
    Please if u can understant me tell what to do.

    SangeethabonkWitsend
     
  7. roopadadia

    roopadadia Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Sangeeta,

    Nice to see for a change that a SIL is concerned about her bro n bhabhi.

    This is making my brother think in other way. He says,"I am not getting any happiness from her so why should I continue my relationship.I love her somuch that cannot hurt her also. And says she is pregnant and my kid is with her. I can take a decision only after her delivery. I will bring the visas, if she is ready to come then no problem, if not then I will do what I have to do".

    Your above statement is very contradictory.

    Keeping your problem apart...in general i would like to say....

    Many couples say that they are not happy with each other...but what i really don't understand is then how come they are on the family way Witsend. Or is that the only place where they find compatibility???

    Roopa.
     
  8. lakshmip

    lakshmip New IL'ite

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    dear sangs,

    i am new member but been married for 5 yrs and in a combined family i think i can guess few reasons:
    1.she must be missing ur brother and don't want him to leave when she is pregnant.some ladies express their feelings by not talking to them .it doesn't mean they don't like.
    2:during pregnancy there will be hormonal changes..which effects alot in their behaviour.
    3:i guess she must be one individual who don't want to take any suggestions from elders or any other as she thinks she can take care of herself .
    4:especially in couples early marr days they think its enough we r done in our marr ,even though there isn't big issue(abt brother)
    5:pls think in her point of view as well what she might be going thru u don't know as u don't understand marr and pregnancy.
    6:i guess as her husband is not here she might want to stay with her parents ,as she can be more free and relaxed at her mothers place.and ur brother or mother might said no or expecting no for this.
    7what u can do is try to ask her if she wants to stay at her mothers place for a while.
    am sorry if ur mother heart,and i appreciate ur effort.
    dont think too much as everybody will be allright after delivery by seeing newborn.
    its common in combined families and nobody deliberately gives pain to others and indirectly to their marr and lifes.i guess i made few points.

    thanks for going thru..
    sorry if i hurt u in anyway ..as i am not good at writing.

    regards
    lakshmi.
     
  9. Ria2006

    Ria2006 Silver IL'ite

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    Sangeetha

    I am little baffled by your problem. I suspect your SIL having other plans. I mean this whole scenario sounds so familiar to me. I had a office friend who got married to 32 yr old executive woman. And she would give him a damn about everything.
    After 11 months of acting weired she disclosed that she was forced in this marriage. So she doesnot want to live with this guy. Finally they separated ways.

    I am not sure why would your SIL will go for a kid if she care a hoot about husband and his family. I guess for the time being you leave the things as is. Time will unsolve other hidden reasons if there are any.

    Ria
     
  10. sangs.srinivas

    sangs.srinivas New IL'ite

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    Hi Ria and Lakshmi,
    Thanks for ur concern. As u both said leave for some time it will settle down. We are in that process only. But thinking on the side of my brother he says I want to talk to her but she is reluctant to talk. I am 35 and I want to enjoy my life with her and share with her. DO u think I will enjoy at the age of 50. And yesterday he talked with her and she says she will not come after delivery also and she will come after one year. I am unable to understand the logic and the problem. Why after one year?
    Okay lets see.
    Let her take time and thing. But she and he (my brother and SIL) should think of their future keeping aside egos.
    I am also married with two kids, faced many problems in my mariage life but never left my husband alone.
    Anyway let them take time and think about them self.
    Sangeetha
     

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