Hi Ladies, I have been in the USA for the past 7 years and my husband has been here for the past 12 years. We have honestly never had such bad experiences. I don't think desi's consciously avoid people and having a GC or home makes any difference. I have been approached sometimes by people who sell Amway and Quixtar products. I just politely tell them that I am not interested in their business. No big deal !!! Some people try to be very friendly in the grocery store or the book store. The normal tendency is to be very guarded. But I have had interesting conversations with people in book stores. I think if you want to make good friends you need to use the proper forum and you need to find common interests. There are websites like Meetup: World's largest community of local Meetups, clubs and groups! - Meetup.com through which you can find groups with similar interests. I have made friends with people I meet in the park !!! I don't have many friends in my neighborhood. I decided to get in touch with other moms who have kids in the same age group as my son and voila I easily got friends in my neighborhood. We have regular outings and play dates. Some people are very friendly and some take more time to open up. I honestly don't think all the desis out there are so mean and cheap minded. If you are new to the US and you are feeling lonely try to network with other people in your city. Find some common interest like sports, hiking, shopping, common mother tongue etc. Usually in large cities they have regional associations like tamil association or telugu association etc. Don't get so disheartened and don't form such a negative opinion about desis. Thanks, Kavya.
Kavya.. you are lucky I should say.. Had been here for more than 10 years and from the first year, I come across such people atleast every season lets say Big LaughBig LaughBig Laugh
Hi Kavya, You must be very fortunate to have met only good natured desis in US so far. I have been here for more than 8 years...and I have met many types of Indians...as I had already pointed out in my previous post. Even when we go out with an open mind to make friends with a positive approach, we don't always get the response that we want to. Probably, you might not have encountered such people, but in the time I've spent in this country ( not in just one state or city) coast to coast...believe me....i' ve seen different types of Indians. Again, I am not generalising that all of them are bad...no ..I would never say that...cos I have a lot of good friends here and many of them do keep in touch from other states too! They have never changed in the course of years. But we have to face the fact, that there are desis who make a deliberate and conscious effort to avoid other desis...for reasons best known to them. Again these kind of behavior has totally stopped bothering us and we have taken it as part of life...! Another thing Kavya, it is very easy to tell someone to find common interests...by reaching to associations, sports etc...unless you have a friendly & helpful community around...that may not be possible immediately. Also contacting people online may not work out all the time cos not all sites are as decent ,safe and protected like Indusladies. Especially, for people who were not used to such an open life in India....they have to first recover from the culture shock and then gradually get used to this way of life...! Sorry for this long post...but had to get my point thru.... Krithika
Hi Jithiks, All my experiences with my Indian friends has not been very good. I have lived both in the east and west coast. Occasionally I have also come cross some very self centered people. Friends whom I considered to be very close turned out to be not so nice. But this is the way life goes. Sometimes if we carefully introspect we would also have been unintentionally or intentionally been selfish. It does not have anything to do with them being desi or not. We will have the same experience with people from all cultures. It is human nature. None of the negative experiences I have had with people have made me feel that desis are very selfish and unfriendly. I have met a lot of genuinely nice people. Indusladies is a testament to that. There are so many wonderful desis like soaringspirit out here who take so much time to help out people. I have been so fortunate to gain their friendship. The reason I mentioned about common interests is to give some tips to the ILites who are new to US. Some of the ILites were feeling depressed about not being able to make new friends. If you feel that mere eye contact does not help just go ahead and say a hi and try to open up a conversation. The worse thing that could happen is that you would have a very short conversation. Thanks, Kavya.
Hello Kavya, I believe you've not read my previous posts in full or probably misinterpreted my points. Infact, whatever I've quoted, i feel you are repeating...meaning, i mentioned in my previous post that we cannot generalise all desis are bad! I kept insisting that I have many good friends from all parts of US and they are still the same over the course of years. You mention that even people from other cultures do behave like that and not to blame desis alone..but in this thread we are discussing about the "Behaviour of Indians"- it can be Good or Bad depending on the individual. We are not talking about all the other people in general..! Again, I am not labelling that all Desis are bad....I dont want to keep repeating myself...but you will understand better if you read my previous posts. Bottom line, we can be friendly with people who are approachable and maintain acquaintances or friendships with them. Nobody has time to ponder as to why they had behaved this way or that...we have to move on and have a positive attitude ...automatically we gain friends! Every one is entitled to their opinion and views...that is why Indusladies has provided this platform for a healthy discussion. Krithika
Hi Jithiks, Most of the people in this thread were talking about their negative experiences with desis. I felt that was a myopic view and I just wanted to share the positive experiences I have had over the years. Thanks, Kavya.
Hi Kavya, That's great ! Keep sharing your positive experiences...and probably that would open up a new flood gate of enriching views...and that may even change the way desis form opinions of others..so go ahead and elaborate your wonderful times here! Krithika
Hi All, Interesting to read this thread... of Indians in US and Europe... 1) I agree that the Amway crowd gives the desis a bad name..but my experience has been that after meeting a few, you can easily make out who is genuine and who is not. A person who tries to follow you around or gives an opening line like - you resemble my sister's husband's cousin's blah blah...I become extremely wary of them. A person who keeps asking for your phone number after a casual meeting (in a store etc)...gives me a big red flag. 2) Smiling at desis - some do, some don't. I do most of the times...yes, a lot of the Indians avoid eye contact..and that's ok (I tell myself that they are shy)...quite a few smile back...which gives me a moment of happiness.. 3) I have made a few desi friends here - from school here, gym, office, IndusLadies etc... I agree with Kavya that sometimes we need to make an extra effort in order to make desi friends here...e.g. in fact, go for a walk in the evening around your community...when you see other couple or ladies, smile and say hi...if you see a remotely friendly face, go ahead and ask "can I join you"... 4) I read Rajjo's initial post and thought that if she stops smiling at other desis, isn't she becoming exactly like the desi people she was so upset with??! Maybe they also had the same experience as her and decided not to smile at any desi any more...:confused2: 5) It is difficult to maintain friendships in a busy life, but I honestly feel emotionally fuller when I am with friends and around people. So I try to invite people over at least once a fortnight or once a month...I mostly do it Saturday night, so that we have ample time to chat or have a leisurely dinner after kids are in bed... Here's to more love, warmth and friends in our lives :cheers love, Aarushi
:iagree, Absolutely right, v hardly see indians at our work place and each time v c them like to say hello or hi but mostly they look at a strange way. My b de dont' feel happy to c indians or they r from some other countries cos people from countries around india look indians/fizians, even european also treat them as indians if they dont' tell they are not indians. Any way still we say hello and hi to all. B positive (is not my blood group) Harhar
Hi Krithika, You are taking me down memory lane. Hmmm...Let see. Here are some of my positive experiences. 1) When I landed in the US to do my Masters my seniors at my university were extremely helpful. They picked me up in the airport, guided me on how to adjust to the US educational system. I did not have a car and did not know driving so I was completely dependent on my seniors for even small things like grocery shopping. Without their help I would have found life extremely tough. 2) When my husband broke him arm I was in the east coast doing my Masters and my husband was working in the west coast. I was new to the US and I did not even have a credit card. I did not know driving. During that tough time my husband's friends were extremely helpful and supportive. I am really indebted to his friends. 3) So many of my Indian colleagues have helped me out of the way to ramp up when I joined work. 4) When I was scheduled for my C section two of my friends drove nearly 50 miles at 5 AM to be with me at the hospital. 5) When I was going through a tough time after my delivery Soaring spirit from Indus ladies offered me so much support. I am really grateful to all these people for taking so much time to help me out. Thanks, Kavya.
