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Beat the False Expectations

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Sobhi, Apr 6, 2010.

  1. Sobhi

    Sobhi Senior IL'ite

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    Hello Friends / Ilites

    These thoughts came to my mind and iam putting them across to you.
    I have observed that 99% of the times we do an action keeping someone else in our mind and not for ourselves.

    To give you an example of what iam trying to arrive at look at the below scenarios

    When we goto a restaurant we are more worried about how to eat, we tell our children how to behave because others may be observing us.
    When we need to goto a marriage what saree and what jewel to wear so that I need to look beautiful than such and such a person.
    Our kid is not first in the school and the neighbour’s kid is. This will be a big prestige issue for me.

    Whatever we do, “what do others think of me/us ” this question is always there at the back of mind.

    We do things to please others and not ourselves. We dress ourselves to please others, not ourselves.
    If we comeout of this scenario, just imagine how peaceful your life would be.

    At least I have experienced this.

    My husband’s choice matters to me when in purchase clothes, but then again we are two different individuals,
    Sometimes what he likes I don’t like it. Earlier I used to buy what he likes and then everytime I see that dress / saree I used to repent.
    Or may be I don’t use it much at all as I don’t like it.

    So I came out of this syndrome, now I buy what we both like or what I like and then Iam happy to wear that dress.

    Similarly when we goto restaurants with our kids, we stress so much to see that our kids are well behaved.
    Everyone knows that kids are mischievous. Expect for few kids. ( Few exceptions)
    So we need not be embarrassed and have our meal in a hurry so that we get out of that situation or enthrust mannerisms on the small kids.

    Only when we are in Sync with ourselves, we would be at peace.
    Only when we are confident about ourselves we will come across as one to others.
    Only when we are happy and peaceful from within we look beautiful.

    Everyone is busy in their own world and doesn’t have time to notice us.
    Even if they notice and they seem un-comfortable , you need not change until and unless they are very near and dear one’s to you.

    Some people may pass comments whom you may not meet anytime later in your life. Just avoid taking the things that they said to your heart or mind.

    This life is very short and please lets try to LIVE every moment of it. I hope I have conveyed the message what I wanted to convey.

    Regards
    Shobha
     
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  2. Radheshyam

    Radheshyam Senior IL'ite

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    Bravo Shobi,You nailed it.
    But it is all easier said than done !! Being devoid of expectations is a wishful state. Its only been a few years that I have started my journey towards this problem-free state and man, I tell you it has been so been so adventurous. :drowning

     
  3. Tubelight

    Tubelight Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi !

    Thats a very correct observation. Exactly, we are always thinking "what will others say/ think" because we are raised as social beings having to live as cogs in the social machinery. In certain things we cannot be very individualistic , because we owe some duty to maintain the existing balance in our community/locality/social organisation and it wouldn't do to upset the apple cart. We discipline ourselves to go by norms of civility and etiquette.
    But I don't advocate being a spineless follower of the herd. Where it does not hurt others,in our personal life, we can very well ignore what others say/think and carry on with what our mind or heart says is ok for us.

    I have never bothered to find out what my husband thinks of my choice of clothes, because it is I who gets to wear them not him. If my child chooses to study some unconventional and unpopular subject, i will not dissuade him just because my friends are preparing their kids to do the lucrative professional courses. I have attended weddings in sweltering summer without wearing the "mandatory" jewelry and heavy silks. Small things like that. It is a liberating feeling.

    Remembered an old song : "Kuch toh log kahenge/ logon ka kaam hain kehna/ chodo bekaar ki baaton ko....."

    :thumbsup Enjoyed reading.
     
  4. Sriniketan

    Sriniketan IL Hall of Fame

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    Rightly conveyed your message here, Shoba.
    It is true that we think, what others will think ..
    It is said that 99% of them doesn't even care about what we do or say, they have their own problems to take care of, isn't it!

    sriniketan
     
  5. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    sobhi
    i agree with you 100% on this
    our attitude matters after all
    i have been independent in thoughts and actions always and i love it
    and like you said everyone is so busy with their lives they hardly notice others
    so we need to live our life to the fullest the way we want
     
  6. Sobhi

    Sobhi Senior IL'ite

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    Hello RadheShyam

    Thanks for dropping in.

    Yes this journey is tough, but the small changes that we can in our day to day life or personal life would make agreat difference to our own self. We will be at much peace with ourselves.

    Bad habits die hard .......... so we need to take small steps to achieve big :)

    shobha
     
  7. Sobhi

    Sobhi Senior IL'ite

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    Hello Tubelight

    Thanks for coming in. I wish I could address you by your correct name :).
    you have got the point right.

    I agree with every word of your's in your reply.

    shobha
     
  8. Sobhi

    Sobhi Senior IL'ite

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    Hello Sriniketan and Lavii

    You people got the point right.
    Thanks for coming in.

    shobha
     
  9. Deepali_deepali

    Deepali_deepali Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Sobhi,

    We are social beings and we ought to think socially for everything. Even when we are inside our homes , we can't avoid it and sometimes it dominates us badly. You have drawn our attention towards something which directly affects our minds.

    Certainly, we should try to please ourselves first ( atleast, in simple things like what to wear, what to eat) , rather than thinking about everyone else ..

    Nice post.:thumbsup
     
  10. Sobhi

    Sobhi Senior IL'ite

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    Hello Deepali

    Thanks for coming in.
    What you said is very much right as we being social beings.
    But at the same time i guess we have lot of small things in day to day life about which we may not worry a great deal.

    I guess it also an individual's nature. I have seen people for whom other's opinion matter most and thier satisfaction lies in others satisfaction. In that case its fine.

    In my case its different. I would love to have my space and do things accordingly.

    shobha
     

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