1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

as days are nearing to leave my parents...my heart is filling itself with fear

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by mirrorimage, Jun 14, 2014.

  1. mirrorimage

    mirrorimage Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    106
    Likes Received:
    79
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Female
    hardly 10 days left..I will be going to US..just the thought of it makes me fearfull..
    I have to go stay with my husband ,who can bring my self esteem down like hell..I have to fight with myself everyday to keep my selfrespect high ...and store it safe no matter what happens....
    I am scared to stay with my husband...I am scared of his family to pick their call..they keep commenting constantly....
    I see so much love in my family..I dont do any work here...
    I have to do everything their and my husband till now has not helped me in household chores...
    I have to put up with his ego...his attitude..cook for him ..serve him... they are expecting me to become pregnant..and I have to endure all...
    I can face anything if their is just support like in my parents house..but here with my Husband I know there will be no support...and I have to still go ahead..life goes on...
    No matter how strong you become...deep down something still lingers to make you weak...something which is stil not completed..something which requires the co-operation of your partner to be completed....
    I am all scared for thousands of reasons...
    But still I have to face the future...I have to go ahead..lets see what is in store ..

    why should girls go through so much...??
    Feeling low ...My parents home feels like heaven for me now....and I am too scared to leave this comfort and go anywhere :( :( but can not help....
     
    2 people like this.
    Loading...

  2. ananyakiran

    ananyakiran Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    319
    Likes Received:
    301
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    I am sorry to hear that, but sometimes you need to be so strong that no one can every hurt you self esteem ..
    practice it daily and after few days it wil come naturally to u!
     
  3. luckyyou

    luckyyou Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    15
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    After two years of married life, one thing i have learned is "you need to be strong for yourself and you need to support yourself"

    Its you who can help yourself, and no other will. Difficulties make you strong and tough. Be positive. Whenever there is difficulty I always remember one thing, Time is only thing which will constantly change. This bad phase will also pass....

    I can understand your pain, and end of the day you need to face it. I would suggest you to face it. the only way we can escape problem is face it.

    All the best. Be strong.
     
    3 people like this.
  4. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    5,586
    Likes Received:
    7,676
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    Well dear..I do not really get a picture like ur husband's family is torturing...?

    sorry but I think chores should be done be it in our home or inlaws home..Even in our home we can take liberty but not be like "I do not do any work"

    I also at the same time feel ur husband should be helping u out or if he is too busy with office work,it makes him lazy to do anything at home?figure it out..but ask him to vacuum and help with some laundary on sat/sundays.

    As for pregnancy, I think it is natural to expect to be a dad and grandparents but make sure it is not out of pressure!

    I am also not supporting them but I am trying to help u out in sense probably they might not be too bad and u need not be scared.

    All the best for u.hope everything works in ur favor
     
    Last edited: Jun 15, 2014
    2 people like this.
  5. FromMars

    FromMars Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    559
    Likes Received:
    745
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Male
    As you step into a new world, there is one person whom I wish for you to take along. This person goes by the name of "Mohandas Gandhi". Buy his autobiography if possible and take it with you.


    I see you are mild tempered much like how Gandhi was. Lot of his messages will resonate with you. When you find yourself in a challenging situation, ask yourself, what will Gandhi have done, or will advise me to do. Here are some of his advises:















     
    4 people like this.
  6. HeartHealer

    HeartHealer Guest

    HI mirrorimage,

    What are you exactly afraid of ? Your husband will beat you, your husband will leave you or what?
    Remember, there are very strict rules nowadays in India and elsewhere in the world against domestic violence. Governments have given you women privileges over your husbands. Any husband who would hit on his wife has to go through a difficult phase if the wife complaints to the authorities, that may even land him behind bars.

    Honestly speaking, nothing bad can happen. Its just that from start you are conditioned to think negative. You are conditioned to believe that you have to make a marriage work out anyhow, no matter how much you have to sacrifice yourself, because if the marriage ends, there would be nobody to accept you and society will point fingers on you. From very start a girl's mind is filled with thoughts that she has to only and only compromise and adjust completely to any scenario.

    Ask yourself honestly ma'am, aren't these things the sole reason for you to feel scared of your husband and in-laws?

    This is all wrong. Yes, a divorce and a post divorce life is difficult to go through but that doesn't mean to avoid it, you allow your husband and in-laws to exploit you. From which angle is this thing right?

    There is no compulsion that you have to call his relatives and listen to their comments. You can hang up the phone the moment they say anything against your family. Why would you listen anything against your parents? Nothing wrong/bad can happen, nothing wrong will happen.

    Ma'am, try to realize your rights as an individual. There is no compulsion that you listen to someone whom you think is wrong. You have all freedom, all authority to even shout on your husband, if necessary. You don't do that, its your respect for him, its the values conferred upon you by your parents, its not a part of your nature.

    But, that doesn't make sense at all that you silently listen to him and creep in alone.


    I hope, I'm able to make you understand.
     
    1 person likes this.
  7. heron

    heron Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,329
    Likes Received:
    2,533
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Its not easy. Get your own wings and get a strong ones. No one can let you don then and yuo feel proud that you can fly by yourself. Your parents will need you in future...start the preparation,be strong and stand up for yourself.
     
  8. god2014

    god2014 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    613
    Likes Received:
    520
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    Its always women who fears, please don't. We are born to rule, its we who must make others to. All women enjoy the comfort at our home, when moving out we will feel but my point is create your comfort zone at your husband's place. We are creaters so no panic, it you you you alone who is going to live so energize yourself stay spirited and positive.
     
    1 person likes this.
  9. mirrorimage

    mirrorimage Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    106
    Likes Received:
    79
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Female
    wow..I am so inspired...
     
  10. mirrorimage

    mirrorimage Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    106
    Likes Received:
    79
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks dear for the words of inspiration...
     

Share This Page