Are women always selfish.

I know of a number of open marriages in India so with some secrecy it can be done. I will add though that that was tried here in USA and the promoters of it make it sound easy and fun. From the people that I have seen that have done it, it eventually ends in divorce.

 

Individual needs cannot be generalised. A successful marriage requires adjustments from both ends but that does not mean suppressing ones individual needs and choices. Your wife is just being open abt her wants and I dont find any fault in it. With who else can she share such intimate details?? Also if she is retorting to some ways to satisfy herself ( erotic video viewing) , let her do it. If she derives pleasure from it, why deny her that??

 

Please check your testosterone level. Find ways to increase it if it is low, so your drive could be closer to her needs.

Not everyone is Ok with open marriages. Some women do feel degraded by even the suggestion of making them approach other men for sex, as it would project them to have more sex drive than "normal/average" in a marriage. Am just trying to help you understand how your wife would feel.

Sex drive is just like hunger. If you are forced to have only 1 idli/bread/roti when you are damn hungry, would you not be frustrated ? If the solution then is to drive out to a restaurant to quench your hunger, is that right/feasible on a daily basis? You are making your wife feel like an ogre just because she is having more hungry (sex-drive).

Please try and find alternate ways other then open marriage, as even if it is given as an option, not everyone would choose to take it.

 

OP:

IMO, a guy can get (close to) as much sex as he wants if he understands women. This post is going to be a bit explicit and it's required to be so to get to a guy's head.

This advise is coming with experience and I can relate to what you are saying. Eventually I thought long and hard and figured out what to do. So here goes:

1. desi hubbies (like you) think that worked long and hard for success not doing much while studying so the wife he got married to should make up for all the fun missed. WRONG! The desi wife also likes her high achieving hubby but it doesn't translate into bedroom. Obviously they also missed on all that fun before marriage(in most cases) and are not at all experienced. So you want it and are not experienced in knowing her buttons. You think she should turn it on when you "think" of it. Can there be anything more silly?

2. I noticed that women change with kids. Kids take higher pririty (of course naturally). In hindsight I think my wife wanted more of it to get kids I could be worng. But a part of me thinks that's true, maybe involuntary, but true. Once they have kids you take a second/third/fourth/... seat in her eyes. Then she is tired. Then she has the monthly thing. On average a housewife works 150% to 200% more physical work than a hubby on a typical day. On average she also sleeps less.

3. She faces more in-law music. Adds to the mental stress and mood offs.

All these contribute to a lot of missed/messed opportunities in the bedroom.

So here is what you should do to elicit more fun.

a. make her comfortable. Share a good time. get her to be stress free. Pick the days that she has light work. If you do the dishes you get lucky more often than not.

b. Be sensitive to her female cycle. You are better off around the middle of the cycle. Don't mess with her around PMS. You are not getting any

c. bring small gifts. flowers, chocolate, etc etc.

d. Stop bad mouthing her folks.

e. compliment her on her dress, cooking anything. But be sincere. Unlike us there doesn't seem to be an upper limit to their acceptance of compliments. When in doubt, compliment.

f. you get lucky in bed if she is tress free, relaxed and happy. Create those moments. Wine does help

g. take vacations. be unpredictable. don't be dull. create some small adventures. Be a guy full of pleasant surprises.

h. Even with your work, don't expect dramatic changes. Be good enough to create a good life for her. your life shd get better. if it doesn't, don't demand it. be patient.

g. read onine about how to satisfy a woman in bed. most important.

h. if you are good at satisfying her. don't make it a loooong session every time. It appears that they sometimes want it to be done quickly and move on. We may think like tarzans and overwork it everytime scaring her away (it apears!) enough to reduce the frequency. it's true

Good luck!

P.S. A lot of the above for US residents who usually don't have much domestic help. For people in India, financial issues may add to the stress levels.

 

I really feel sorry for your situation, and I wish I was able to advise you.

When I wanted intimacy with my ex, I would just take it, and do all the work (full-body massage, gradually going into x-rated things).

If she wants intimacy with you, and you are not having the energy, she should take the lead, not be rude and angry (she's seen x-rated material to get ideas). Don't push her away, just lie there and enjoy the show .....

Being rude and angry is not a turn on to anyone, and least if she tried to be soft and velvety towards you, perhaps it may help get you in the mood, but even if it didn't at least it makes home environment better.

I think the ladies here can advise better .....