Are We Completely Blameless?

I think I am probably lucky in that I managed to make a friend of my MIL. It was not easy. I answered all problems with a ready answer to what I thought and felt. My MIL is no more, and I miss her, perhaps more than her son.

My MIL would point out the cooking styles, I responded by asking her to take over the kitchen. Her son claimed that her cooking was much better. She cooked for 1 day and handed my kitchen back.
When my daughter was born, after she was a month old I asked MIL if she would like to hold her, She told me that new mothers are supposed to be very possessive about their children so how come,=...... I told her that I was being generous.

My daughter did not cry for a week after she came home from the hospital, she then had a colic attack, my MIL asked me if I was producing enough milk. I told her that if I wasn't she would not have been as healthy as she was.

But about two years into our marriage, we sat down and had a long heart to heart and that was a turning point in our relationship.
We became close friends. That lasted until she passed away. In fact I was the last person she spoke to.

 

My husband is my topmost priority so whatever my MIL says i try to keep calm and silent ,that is only because i do not want to hurt the love of my life . When i entered my new family i was very warm toward everyone , i and my MIL shared a very good relation , but slowly as i gradually understood things turned really sour . she was good to me only for monetary benefits from my family . some really shocking things happened . So now i have changed my attitude as i have realized that MIL is not my mother , she can never be one , I am also like a turtle in a shell , I do talk but the warmth is gone . No one in the family has realized about our changed relationship , we chat at times but i am always gaurded

 

My MIL doesn't want anyone of us to accompany us to temple because she actually goes there to bribe god , she donates generously for the temple rituals , I think in Kerala we being the most literate people have been the most superstitious ones too , we have a lot of poojas , to eradicate our enemies , to get married , to have kids , to build a home and what not , these cost a bomb . After doing all these costly poojas when she returns home and restrains from giving a morsel to a hungry begger , i get really irked , but as usual SILENCE IS MAINTAINED hehe

 

Can I use your words

 

Most of the problems with inlaws crop from simple misunderstandings accumulated due to lack of communication between the daughter in law and mother in law

 

i feel its a question of control.... and change management! For the IL its about the fear that this new girl (DIL) is suddenly coming into their lives and will snatch away their son from them.... the day the DIL helps them overcome that fear that day their relationship with her will change... As for change... well, any new member in a family will bring a new viewpoint, a new way of cooking....so the faster the new entrant either adapts to the existing ways or makes them adapt her new ways... the faster the relationship becomes better...

So, in my opinion its a matter of give and take.....give in on a few issues.... and make them take your viewpoints on issues that matter to you.... its like managing a set of new bosses!!!

Ultimately... if we love our husbands so much... then we need to remember he's alive because of them.... so a bit of adjustment shouldn't seem like a big deal!!

Cheers!!

 

I like the way joyoflife has summarised. There is always lot of things that betw mil n dil but it's just how we take it. I used to say to myself don't react to things which u cant or never can solve or most of the times ll ask myself why cant u just remain calm n let it go off. Think it is ur mother whose saying all this but at the same time wld hv replied back if it was my mother. That way ll never work.

Lately i hv made up my mind let say watevr she wants just don't reply. And hv started to say "ok amma watevr u say" or " ur wish amma"

One more point to add, there is always been a positive side too, like mil used to share all her feelings towards her maternal side and also abt her inlaws side. She also confides in me more than her own daughter, which i think is a plus to me.