Are Sindoor, Mangalsutra A Choice Or Regressive?

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by Rihana, Aug 3, 2022.

  1. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    I wore sindoor in the beginning of my marriage, mostly due to excitement. Not anymore
    I have been wearing thali(mangalsutra)
    and bindi from the married time.
    Of course bindi, I used to apply from when I was a kid too.

    We do have a tradition similar to karvachauth. The woman fasts from morning. They do a puja in the evening. The yellow thread is kept at gods feet . The old thread in thali is discarded and new thread is added on to the golden thali. My mom or me never followed this tradition .
    Most of my friends in USA don't wear the thali anymore. But somehow I am not able to remove it.

    So I guess it's all a personal choice
     
  2. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    :roflmao:
    It may become a term in future.
     
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  3. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

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    true.

    I wear thali, and that too the traditional with Thread (yellow) along with gold chain. over the years got lot of comments - random being orthodox or submissive, it should be worn by house wives , i work pretty good in corporate ladder. :) . just ignored it.

    i just like it and want to follow and that is it. when i am at home i serve food to dh and then eat.

    no particular reason. this is just what i do. i do not know why or where it originated, neither want to. my ignorance is my bliss.

    karvachauth, never did as a tradition. but offlate we both do fasting, 1 day eating.

    unfortunately. both genders have played it as power play .
     
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  4. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

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    I'm in my life where I'm because unconsciously I conditioned myself to this regressive thinking
    From young age I was made to believe to do everything to please my future in-laws and husband that was instilled in my head by living examples in my life

    I got my wedding saree from my in-laws recently and I was trying to drape it the other day. All I heard was noises from different direction and saree became multiple blouse pieces in minutes. Looks like it was kept folded all these years. Now practical person in me wants to throw it away but religious person in me feels the need to keep it. I'm not sure if I'm regressive in thinking trying to store a torn saree . I think it is hard to give up all the conditioning and move to other side even when we know what is right and wrong when we are conditioned from young age.
     
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  5. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    You can still keep it and stitch any salwar or lehenga if possible
     
  6. NOW

    NOW Gold IL'ite

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    You got me thinking here when you said we should be cautious of choices we make.
    My story - for whatever reason my grand mom(mother's side) took up Christianity very late in her life and not too much into Poojas to begin with. My Mother grew up as Hindu and being a working women with little to no support only did basic pooja on sundays, festival days..She never did any vratam or elaborate poojas inviting others over etc..

    We also went to temples very less and it is more for celebration, peace and strength rather than religious reasons. Now, my mother in-law does pooja everyday..does vrat and hopes I follow all the rituals like her. She never forces me but I know she appreciates when I make an effort.

    I honestly did not know the significance of varalakshmi vrat even after I married and I was repelled to the idea that I am doing this for my maangalyam and always thought why my husband need not do any pooja for my long life and well being. Fast forward 12 years, every year I am invited by my neighbors for tambulam and I deck up and go. I do very simple pooja depending on my workload and others things going in my life but never bound to the varalakshmi pooja like any other festival.

    This thread is so educational and informative and I honestly still don't know how I feel about this completely. I have mixed feelings and in the end I tell myself.. In life everything comes with good and bad. Try to take the good and leave the bad. I see some elderly family members passing remarks that not doing pooja or observing festivals according to exact traditions is not good for future generations. The same people backbite/get jealous/try to control others/spread gossips forgetting how those traits can impact future generations. sigh !!
     
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  7. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Humans change our perceptions from time to time according to our situations and interests.
    Right now I feel it is a choice. Previously thought it is a must.

    There are ladies who want to wear it and some
    Who don’t want to as it does not suit with the western clothes.Some think it looks cool with western attire.Some believe in traditions and honor it, some are scared of their relatives and society and wear it.

    There is always a reason behind everything.

    Even leaving the hair loose is not good according to our traditions.However most of us women do it.

    As said before, humans talk and do things according to their convenience and nothing wrong as long as it does not affect others.
     
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2022
  8. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Rightly said!!!:number_one:
     
  9. brahan

    brahan Platinum IL'ite

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    wow! when you cant force a woman to wear these , neither can you call a woman regressive for wearing this

    I proudly wear them..No matter even if its western clothes I wear a small bindi on my forehead...
     
  10. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear @Rihana

    Very interesting topic. Many thanks for starting this thread. I've seen so many diverse response from others as well.

    Here are my 2 cents:

    The society will keep on pressurizing us on so many ways.
    After finishing college, there will be pressure for marriage. Then pressure for a child. After that, pressure on parenting as a mother; hence pressure on your choice of career.
    What to eat, what to dress, where to go to work, and how to live etc..etc... are all decided by the society & family for women.
    But, some of us make our choices and fly high against all the odds.

    We chose our studies, chose our life partners and chose our careers as well. At the end of the day, our success is what stands out.

    As a person, you should have your own choice of life.


    I consider myself an educated & independent woman with less social pressure. No family pressure on the choice of my clothes or traditions.
    Yet, I feel good when I wear a bindi & some gold jewelries with a Saree.
    I always wear sarees and nice traditional ornaments for weddings & ethnic functions.
    It is my choice. I see the beauty in our cultural dressing. I feel, my body looks hundred times better if I chose an ethnic wear.

    I am a saree lover. I would love to wear a Saree to work if I have the time, and flexibility. Unfortunately, due to rushing morning hours, I often chose formals, because they are easy to wear.

    Just because I love being me, and presenting myself in the best & beautiful version in confidence, doesn't mean I am regressive, and force others to follow me.
    Rather, my act should tell them my confidence, independence, freedom of choice and elegance.

    My mom loves her Bindi & other traditional ornaments she wears. She wore them happily as long as my dad was alive.
    After his sudden demise, she was expected to remove her bindi & other stuff because widows in our culture do not wear colorful clothes or accessories. She had her hard time removing her age long practice in the name of tradition. She had this reservation about society's comments etc.. At the age of 50, with a very beautiful & young look, she refused to look old and confine to certain clothes as a result of her H's demise. She loved her H, adored him and depended on him for life. But his demise proved her the importance of living for self.

    After a point, she started coming out with her usual confidence. She wore what she liked. Of course the same traditional saree, bindi etc... The society did what they could to push a woman down. But she didn't succumb to the society's pressure, but living her life beautifully.
    Her clothes gave her the confidence. Her confidence gave us protection.
    It's been 17 years since the demise of dad. Mom is being herself. There are many women following her footstep, and often citing her as a positive example to lead a progressive life.

    A woman's moral, freedom or education shouldn't be judged based on her choice of cloth.
     
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2022
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