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Another Question Again In My Life

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by indubalram, Nov 14, 2021.

  1. indubalram

    indubalram Platinum IL'ite

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    Today my husband s Athai called and she asked how is your daughter doing. I said son I n law is taking care of her v well. She is trying to complete her course and get a job that she is interested in. Then she said I understand how difficult it is for you to my husband. Why is she saying that. What is difficult for my husband? Then she said your birthday is coming. What is she trying to say? What was her intentions? Please help me understand! Thanks
     
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  2. chanchitra

    chanchitra Gold IL'ite

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    Your husband and his relatives seem to be gaslighting you.
    Stop caring what they or your husband thinks.
    Stay mentally away from them.
    Watch movies.
    Do you have friends to meet up with.
     
    apradeep likes this.
  3. indubalram

    indubalram Platinum IL'ite

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    That’s the problem for me. I don’t have any friends! I don’t know how to get friends here ! :tired:
     
  4. indubalram

    indubalram Platinum IL'ite

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    So it was to put me down! Got it. I told her that we both are working and there is no retirement for us here in USA. She did not bother!
     
  5. indubalram

    indubalram Platinum IL'ite

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    Should I tell my daughter?
     
  6. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    Gas lighting works only when you are gas lightable.
    No need to inform your daughter or make it a big issue.
    Your husband and relatives are trying to make you feel guilty for the choices your daughter made. It seems to me that you are not happy with that either. Thats why its affecting you. You have to move on. You cant reverse the past. Your daughter didn't commit any crime. Its your duty to protect her. If someone try to talk negative about you or daughter, stop them right there.

    In this case, you should have told her, ' she is doing well'. Why did you share more details. Next time give her opportunity to talk and ask more questions to her. Dont share your personal details. Always talk in a happy way like you are having a blast, that make these people insecure. They want to make you unhappy by implying that you and dh have a pathetic life due to your daughter's choices. You should have told her that you both are happy for your daughter as she has a great life.

    I dont have much life experience like you.
    But, based on your posts you should learn how to 'grey rock' , a method to handle these types of people ( search in google or youtube ). Main step is not to share details or talk neutral topics like weather and learm to ignore their reaction.

    You have been complaning that you dont have any friends, but what have you done so far to improve your network? Action is needed or try to be happy with what you have. If you have good Indian friends or acquaintance or collegues invite them to your home. Arrange get togethers, potlucks etc... a step, you can try. That can make a difference. Try to call them and interact. Dont wait for approval from anybody.

    Try to do something that makes you happy every day. Your happiness is your responsibility. I feel that, your life will be much better if you can develop an ' i dont care attitude' to their mean commments and a determination to make the best out of your precious life.You are the boss of your life. Don't let others control your life.
     
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2021
    SCA, indubalram and Rihana like this.
  7. indubalram

    indubalram Platinum IL'ite

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  8. indubalram

    indubalram Platinum IL'ite

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  9. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Take up a hobby. Keep yourself busy and don’t share details with others.
     
    sarvantaryamini likes this.
  10. indubalram

    indubalram Platinum IL'ite

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    Wish this site has messenger service
     

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