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Am i thinking too much???

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by FeelingLow, Feb 13, 2010.

  1. FeelingLow

    FeelingLow New IL'ite

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    This has been nagging me for more than 5yrs now...
    My hubby is very sweet, caring and sensitive guy. I try my best not to hurt him, but at times, few things he has said/done (though without any intensions) makes me burst out of anger...
    A lil about my husband, he is more like a mentor to me and he is 99% the kind of husband i wished for.
    He is very considerate and always keeps my well being in mind...
    Though when it comes to work, family is second for him - this has changed a lot after my son coming into our lives...
    So this is wat still hurting me...
    He has never been appreciate of my looks, though am not a great looking girl, i dont look bad too. I was moderately built during marriage and later gained weight due to PCOD...
    Now am almost back to my early marriage days look and all that he said was 'u luk so young now'...
    He does appreciate vnever i wear dresses he had bought for me (I should say his choices are too good).
    Vnever i ask him, do u really like the way i look - do u think am mad to get married to a gal for whom i have no attractions???
    But he happens to comment on film stars mostly and it had been criticism...
    Once we were watching a tamil song and he commented on the heroine saying 'sakkka figure'...
    I had never expected this and i just showed a blank face and he said 'ya i have seen her naked video, its ur cousin who had sent me.. later felt guilty viewing it and deleted it immediately'...
    This left me in tears whole night... the very thought of my husband seeing a woman naked and appreciating her external appearance started killing me and its still burning inside...
    I never thought he is of that type who throws ugly comments on ladies...
    Am not sure if am right in this sense...
    Am penning down wat all has been running thru my mind so far...
    1. Wouldnt he have compared me with her?
    2. How can i be sure tat he does not think of anyone else while making love to me...?
    3. Has he been living all these years with me, just because he thought am looking ok, though not too good for him?
    These thoughts have kind of left a remark in my mind tat i dont feel tat he is 100% happy with my appearance...
    I get irritated when he talks about any girl :(
    I had felt like asking him so many times, but i just luv him so much tat i dont want to hurt him.
    I've a sharp toungue and my words are a bit harsh vn i get into this topic...
    Ladies, give me ur thoughts on how u feel about this...
     
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  2. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    to be honest i dont find anything wrong with your husband
    all men are like that
    hardly you find people who appreciate you(atleast after few months from marriage day)
    and watching video stuff and all is common in men atleast commenting on heroines is
    please take it easy
    and yes you re thinking too much according to me

     
  3. rosenav

    rosenav Silver IL'ite

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    hhhmmm........... if your concern is abt your DH comments on the actor, really whats the big deal ..... its very common, I have a huge crush of kimi raikkonen (F1 driver) I still act like a teen collecting his exclusive stuff :bonk even i made Dh get VIP ticket for a game, so that i could get a closer look at him.. which costed my DH a fortune, but he still does it for me coz he knows how crazy abt him.

    But It does not mean that I dnt love my DH, nither my Dh feels that he is neglected or jelouse just coz i take someone's name.

    When you are married the first thing is you should learn to trust the person with your heart.

    Its very common for every person in the world man/women will defo have crush on clebs/sportsman, dnt take it to heart and spoil your day by thinking abt it and nagging your DH abt it.
     
  4. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    I love my kids, and will jump in front of a moving truck if needed to save them. I think they are cute and so lovable. But, that love does not make me blind. I know that they are not the "cutest" in terms of the accepted definition of the word. Would I exchange them for anything in the world or want them to be different in any way? A big fat no.

    Similarly, spouses love each other or should love each other, but that need not require that they be blind to other beauties/hunks out there. There have been threads on this topic, and some expressed the opinion that window-shopping is OK, as long as the product is not brought home. Or, like someone said, you can see but not touch [​IMG]

    I wouldn't worry about him watching some video of naked lady so much, unless it happens so often as to become an obsession. If you feel he might be thinking of 'sakkka figure' during you-know-what, try thinking of this one: Here you go. :tongue

    -Rihana
     
  5. MiaSen

    MiaSen Senior IL'ite

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    Rihana.... tat was tooo good... :biglaugh
    loved it :) - by the way didnt mean the foto ;)
     
  6. rosenav

    rosenav Silver IL'ite

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    Rihana
    Oh i just fainted :biglaugh:biglaugh:biglaugh
     
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2010
  7. illusions28in

    illusions28in New IL'ite

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    Hi FeelingLow,

    I understand how you feel. Is it ok if our husbands/boyfriends stare at other women, movie stars? Is watching **** considered as cheating on their spouse?
    It might help you to know that men are slightly differently wired than women are. They are more visual and if a beautiful girl walks by, it is normal for their eyes to follow them. It is a very impulsive thing and it does not mean that they would rather marry that girl, have kids with her, share their lives with her etc. What you share with him is so much more than a simple appreciation of beauty.
    Your DH seems like a nice person. I think instead of worrying about whether your husband finds you attractive or not, why don't you spend that time and energy on spicing up your sex life. By that I don't mean for you to look at this as a compromise and that your husband is less faithful to you right now.
    Feel secure about what you share with him and work on improving it. Relationships are not built on such fragile grounds. People don't read each others minds. Sometimes harmless comments can hurt the other person. Maybe you can mention to him casually that you feel possessive about him and it hurt you when he said that. He might laugh it off but won't repeat it in the future. I don't think this is worth more analysis. My god, it is 5 years of beautiful life that you can never buy back and you are letting some stupid person take over your happiness!!
     

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