Am I Overthinking And Negative??

boldnbutiful · Feb 7, 2017

Hi All,

I recently joined IL and was silent spectator till now. It took lot of courage for me to pen down my thoughts as I am a "sufferer in silence" type.

I got married in 2014 . My in laws initially were so nice ,so very nice we (as in me and my parents) accepted the alliance without seeing the guy in person(we did speak online through skype) . Everything was nice and so very dream like till the marriage date neared. Problems started arising mil started behaving very rude to my mum via calls . She got angry bcz my mum said we wont give gifts to his cousins(sisters, we call it adapaduchu katnam ,sister dowry usually given to own sister) she demanded that she needs 10 sarres on every occasion of marriage some silly and small things .

The guy arrived and shock the guy had shaky hands ( we were not told that bfr 6 months gap was their from fixing alliance till marriage) daddy was very angry ,mum cooled him down saying society etc etc ...on marriage that my mil insulted my dad in front of whole wedding crowd bcz my parents dint serve juice to her . Hubby shouted and cooled her down..

Take 2 : After marriage

Hubby stays in Australia ,bfr I was to join my hubby I stated with in lwas for 1 month things were very Nice...

After I joined my hubby,I came t know he usd t giv his entire salary to in laws and since he had nthg t spend he had 2-3 credit cards spent to th e limit...what his parents did with the moeny...wemt to foreign trips,bought cars ,repaired house ( which is going to his brother) and sent his bro to US bearing everything...
Now I left a good job and nice life in India and came here to see all this..i went into depression.we used to fight ..he used to tlk to his parents dailyyy and they keep on making demands never once asked if he ate or is his health nice...
I came to Sydney struggled for a job by working part time and doing contracts...

Now after 2 yrs of marriage in 2016 we had a son ...( till I conceived mil used to tqunt for baby after conceiving she said why did u hav so early could have waited till I got a job)..

I asked my mum to come fr delivery..things escalated from there in..she demanded she be here for delivery not my mum as it seems uts their culture for mil to come fr first delivery (entirely false)....yet PIL ,mum ,my sister (onsite) all came for delivery..still not satisfied she preponed their journey and arrived 1 month bfr my mum arrived (I was 8 and 1/2 months pregnant) ...
They came here first thing she did re-organized my kitchen,dint like told my hubby he said she is going t cook n clean let it be ..
Second,she dint do single chore ,used t cook in the morning that's all ,will anyone give stale food t a pregnant lady) ..just sits on couch from noon till sleeping tine..i used to clean,wash dishes,do laundry cook at night...

Fil is very protective of his wife nevr let her do nythng ,when hubby questioned she started doing drama that she has back pain ,joint pain ..hubby n I used t fight a lot regarding this I asked why did they come during pregnancy if she cant help...when he asked she started crying and saying our first grandchild how cn b not c him...all ppl ignore me etc etc...

Now my mum arrives.from the day mum came she kept on taunting her for small things.. Don't use that spoon for rice, dun come t kitchen while she is there she literallyused t cry everyday...2 days after delivery (very complicated due to high stress) she taunted my mum as they dint take me t India for delivery and bore the expenses..i dun know if it was due to pregnancy harmones or my patience broke I lost it and said from the time we got married she kept taunting my mum what's her problem...

Now fil enters picture..he says " she is very nice girl ,has a heart of gold..just blunt with words.." As if we have black hearts and kill ppl...i told my hubby this is not the way t be with a newborn at home..he reacted harshly..

FIL got angry and started influencing him negatively against me and my mum..he nevr leaves my hubby alone..always keep filling his ears such a way that no one listens...and made it look like it was all our fault that fights are happening and his wife is very blunt everyone has r accept and get adjusted but I wont control her....he influences husband so much that he literally asked him not to leave any finances with me and give it to him ,he will manage..my hubby is very innocent ( I know he is above 30 and has no maturity doesn't understand responsibility,oil nevr bother about it as long as he is sending them money)...he is so influenced by fil tht he started distancing and avoiding me..

They went t India and now started requesting more money from him even now when we r unable to send them,we r NT even able t save 1 dollar with income my hubby earns goes to living expenses...with a baby...how can they be so money minded when they hv seen hw v live here ...

Now all my husband side relations think I am witch with big mouth who hurt them..no one knows what they came n did here
I dont care if iam termed so but my problem is they r influencing my hubby against me ...howw shud I react ,what to do..

I am sorry if I wrote in confusing manner as this is the first-time iam writing my feelings and I am sure they r nit organized thoughts..

This situation is makin me so depressed that I became diabetic at young age..if same is conveyed t in laws next day they say,they got .other ailment bcz of tension..i dun know hw far it it true..one more.major issue is in laws lie about their finances and loans..they say they hv t pay fro xyz loan,take money but even after many yrs it is not cleared,I know this bcz I handle my hubbys accounts,when I say this t hubby he shouts saying I dun doubt my parents and h is someone who nvr questions his parents fr nythng but his younger brother understands.all this and is NT very close t in laws..

I am emotionally drained thinking bout all this and now.i am.worried bout how my son would have financial security with tehm draining al our money ...

Rajafilm · Nov 9, 2017

Hey. Parents should not ask money from son after his marriage. Maa annayya pellayyaaka, maa parents adagadam maanesaaru. First time vintunnaanu, mee husband parents ki pellaayyaaka kuda money istunte. Tell him that he can give 10% of what he earns to his parents for monthly expenses. If he earns 1 lakh, he can give 10k to parents every month. Not more than that. Be strict in this matter. Meeru oka family ni develop cheyali, oka illu develop cheyali, it requires stability, financial security. Prapancham lo ye son parents ki money antha ivvadu ani mee husband ki cheppandi. Kaavalante tana friends ni adagamanandi, vaallu dabbantha intiki istunnaara leka 10% ala istunnaara ani.

You have to be strict in this matter otherwise this will ruin your marriage going forward. Take care.

zeppelingirl · Nov 9, 2017

since the house goes to his brother, you can ask your husband to buy a house for you people either in sydney or india. that way he will not have enough money to send home. slowly situations will change.

after baby, this money problem may change. also speak with him to buy a house.

In-laws problem will never change. You have to live life ignoring them.

Atleast you have got a good husband.

nakshatra1 · Dec 8, 2017

Focus that father and baby have good bonding, Then your hubby will surely start worrying about his baby future.
Don't take tension if your DH relatives are talking bad against you. Now, focus on the baby. If your DH sees you are a good mom to your baby(I mean ofcourse you'll be) , your hubby will care so much for you, and he will not care who is saying what.
Now, you both and baby is there,away from all. Try your best and build a beautiful romantic life around 3 of you, maybe DH will change slowly for his baby's sake.

SubhashiniM · Dec 9, 2017

boldnbutiful said: ↑

Hi All,

I recently joined IL and was silent spectator till now. It took lot of courage for me to pen down my thoughts as I am a "sufferer in silence" type.

I got married in 2014 . My in laws initially were so nice ,so very nice we (as in me and my parents) accepted the alliance without seeing the guy in person(we did speak online through skype) . Everything was nice and so very dream like till the marriage date neared. Problems started arising mil started behaving very rude to my mum via calls . She got angry bcz my mum said we wont give gifts to his cousins(sisters, we call it adapaduchu katnam ,sister dowry usually given to own sister) she demanded that she needs 10 sarres on every occasion of marriage some silly and small things .

The guy arrived and shock the guy had shaky hands ( we were not told that bfr 6 months gap was their from fixing alliance till marriage) daddy was very angry ,mum cooled him down saying society etc etc ...on marriage that my mil insulted my dad in front of whole wedding crowd bcz my parents dint serve juice to her . Hubby shouted and cooled her down..

Take 2 : After marriage

Hubby stays in Australia ,bfr I was to join my hubby I stated with in lwas for 1 month things were very Nice...

After I joined my hubby,I came t know he usd t giv his entire salary to in laws and since he had nthg t spend he had 2-3 credit cards spent to th e limit...what his parents did with the moeny...wemt to foreign trips,bought cars ,repaired house ( which is going to his brother) and sent his bro to US bearing everything...
Now I left a good job and nice life in India and came here to see all this..i went into depression.we used to fight ..he used to tlk to his parents dailyyy and they keep on making demands never once asked if he ate or is his health nice...
I came to Sydney struggled for a job by working part time and doing contracts...

Now after 2 yrs of marriage in 2016 we had a son ...( till I conceived mil used to tqunt for baby after conceiving she said why did u hav so early could have waited till I got a job)..

I asked my mum to come fr delivery..things escalated from there in..she demanded she be here for delivery not my mum as it seems uts their culture for mil to come fr first delivery (entirely false)....yet PIL ,mum ,my sister (onsite) all came for delivery..still not satisfied she preponed their journey and arrived 1 month bfr my mum arrived (I was 8 and 1/2 months pregnant) ...
They came here first thing she did re-organized my kitchen,dint like told my hubby he said she is going t cook n clean let it be ..
Second,she dint do single chore ,used t cook in the morning that's all ,will anyone give stale food t a pregnant lady) ..just sits on couch from noon till sleeping tine..i used to clean,wash dishes,do laundry cook at night...

Fil is very protective of his wife nevr let her do nythng ,when hubby questioned she started doing drama that she has back pain ,joint pain ..hubby n I used t fight a lot regarding this I asked why did they come during pregnancy if she cant help...when he asked she started crying and saying our first grandchild how cn b not c him...all ppl ignore me etc etc...

Now my mum arrives.from the day mum came she kept on taunting her for small things.. Don't use that spoon for rice, dun come t kitchen while she is there she literallyused t cry everyday...2 days after delivery (very complicated due to high stress) she taunted my mum as they dint take me t India for delivery and bore the expenses..i dun know if it was due to pregnancy harmones or my patience broke I lost it and said from the time we got married she kept taunting my mum what's her problem...

Now fil enters picture..he says " she is very nice girl ,has a heart of gold..just blunt with words.." As if we have black hearts and kill ppl...i told my hubby this is not the way t be with a newborn at home..he reacted harshly..

FIL got angry and started influencing him negatively against me and my mum..he nevr leaves my hubby alone..always keep filling his ears such a way that no one listens...and made it look like it was all our fault that fights are happening and his wife is very blunt everyone has r accept and get adjusted but I wont control her....he influences husband so much that he literally asked him not to leave any finances with me and give it to him ,he will manage..my hubby is very innocent ( I know he is above 30 and has no maturity doesn't understand responsibility,oil nevr bother about it as long as he is sending them money)...he is so influenced by fil tht he started distancing and avoiding me..

They went t India and now started requesting more money from him even now when we r unable to send them,we r NT even able t save 1 dollar with income my hubby earns goes to living expenses...with a baby...how can they be so money minded when they hv seen hw v live here ...

Now all my husband side relations think I am witch with big mouth who hurt them..no one knows what they came n did here
I dont care if iam termed so but my problem is they r influencing my hubby against me ...howw shud I react ,what to do..

I am sorry if I wrote in confusing manner as this is the first-time iam writing my feelings and I am sure they r nit organized thoughts..

This situation is makin me so depressed that I became diabetic at young age..if same is conveyed t in laws next day they say,they got .other ailment bcz of tension..i dun know hw far it it true..one more.major issue is in laws lie about their finances and loans..they say they hv t pay fro xyz loan,take money but even after many yrs it is not cleared,I know this bcz I handle my hubbys accounts,when I say this t hubby he shouts saying I dun doubt my parents and h is someone who nvr questions his parents fr nythng but his younger brother understands.all this and is NT very close t in laws..

I am emotionally drained thinking bout all this and now.i am.worried bout how my son would have financial security with tehm draining al our money ...
Click to expand...

Hi dear

How are you now? Hope your kid is well now.
My suggestion is try to go for some job be financially independdent. Spend good time with your son . Try to spare sometime for you. Focus on Meditation and try to start some prayers that can give good relationship between husband and wife. Sometimes life doesn't go as expected. Be strong and Be Positive. Time heals everything