Am I Doing The Right Thing ? Or Am I Being Egoistic?

anika987 · Jul 20, 2022

IL friends know that I had problems with relatives and I walked away from them.Off late I cannot seem to tolerate any kind of disrespect.Major reason is I realized am someone who is happy even when alone doing my own thing and I give up anything which disrupts my peace.

I am now in my India vacation and few things happened.

One is..my friends back here are nice but sometimes they can get little curt.We had gone to a night out and met some guys who they knew.This one friend of mine was a little tipsy with alcohol and she was sarcastic about my life in America and me.I did not like it one bit.especially in front of some random men. basically she is a very nice girl but a bit insecure due to her personal life.

Other thing is I realized my husband never calls or face times .He never questions anything on what I spend on or how i enjoy etc but I would like him to ask me what and how am doing.He is basically a nice guy and respectful but I hate being taken for granted .It bothers me big time.

I stopped calling my husband and friends.Tired of me going behind people.Off late I feel like “what the heck“.

I want basic respect and hate being taken for granted.

Suddenly I feel I just want back go back to usa and my life.hubby also doesn’t disturbs. he is busy with work and friends. Though am alone there..am happy.I feel I love and respect myself and that love is more than enough.

Short and sweet vacation is the best.
Distance is always good with relations as it makes them miss us.

Just wanted to share.

P.S: was not able to log in and was bit tied up but will attend to some messages and threads once I get back.

Love u guys.

Rihana · Jul 20, 2022

Am I Doing The Right Thing ? Or Am I Being Egoistic?

Moderation is the key when dealing with friends, relatives and neighbors.

When things are going good, resist the temptation to overdo it. Don't over-confide, over-invite or over-bond.

When things are not going good, don't completely cut off. Keep the "clean break, no more contact" decision rare.

Viswamitra · Jul 20, 2022

anika987 said: ↑

I feel I love and respect myself and that love is more than enough.
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@anika987,

If you truly mean what you said above, you don't have to worry about the outcome of your interaction with your friend. Perhaps, you need to strengthen what you said above and check whether you are looking for validation for your self-respect. If you have a strong self-respect, you can brush aside such critical comments made by your friend in front of random men. But you do have a right to express your anguish about her comments. That is the best way to establish your self-respect.

But you expecting your husband to inquire about your well-being is so natural especially when you are on an international trip. Your expectation is not unreasonable.

anika987 · Jul 20, 2022

Viswamitra said: ↑

@anika987,

If you truly mean what you said above, you don't have to worry about the outcome of your interaction with your friend. Perhaps, you need to strengthen what you said above and check whether you are looking for validation for your self-respect. If you have a strong self-respect, you can brush aside such critical comments made by your friend in front of random men. But you do have a right to express your anguish about her comments. That is the best way to establish your self-respect.

But you expecting your husband to inquire about your well-being is so natural especially when you are on an international trip. Your expectation is not unreasonable.
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The criticism or what she said did not affect me but I felt my friend should not have spoken about me degradingly in front of some random guys. I expected her to treat me with dignity.How do i say? Words or comments on what is said about me never bothers me but who said it and what is the need for them to cross their boundaries bothers me.

anika987 · Jul 20, 2022

Rihana said: ↑

Am I Doing The Right Thing ? Or Am I Being Egoistic?

Moderation is the key when dealing with friends, relatives and neighbors.

When things are going good, resist the temptation to overdo it. Don't over-confide, over-invite or over-bond.

When things are not going good, don't completely cut off. Keep the "clean break, no more contact" decision rare.
Click to expand...

Well said Rihanna.To the point!

Viswamitra · Jul 20, 2022

anika987 said: ↑

The criticism or what she said did not affect me but I felt my friend should not have spoken about me degradingly in front of some random guys. I expected her to treat me with dignity.How do i say? Words or comments on what is said about me never bothers me but who said it and what is the need for them to cross their boundaries bothers me.
Click to expand...

I am glad to hear that the words or what is said didn't bother you. Regarding boundaries, when she crosses the boundaries, you may have to remind her about this important boundary and when there is no repurcusions, she will not understand and respect the boundaries. For most, it should be clear not to put a friend down in front of a stranger but when she feels insecured due to her personal life and she said that a bit intoxicated, you have to let her know how you felt about her comments after she recovers from her intoxication. That will redraw the boundary again for her.

MalStrom · Jul 20, 2022

You have realized that the grass is really not greener on the other side.

chanchitra · Jul 21, 2022

anika987 said: ↑

The criticism or what she said did not affect me but I felt my friend should not have spoken about me degradingly in front of some random guys. I expected her to treat me with dignity.How do i say? Words or comments on what is said about me never bothers me but who said it and what is the need for them to cross their boundaries bothers me.
Click to expand...

So it's a lesson learnt. Please don't confide anything about your personal life to her. Keep it formal.
Also alcohol could have caused her to overstep