Am I a Feminist?

GD,

My take on this is different. From the many examples you have given I dont think your h has any problems with your feminism or opinions or assertiveness. I think the problem is your joint office and your arguing with your colleagues who unfortunately for you are also his colleagues. I think probably in that group there must be few guys who sometimes when unable to logically argue the point back at you, will turn around and give your h or another colleague a commiserating look, you know, one of those man to man looks -- like 'man you have to deal with this on a daily basis!' kind of looks. I think after a few instances those looks have gotten to your h. When both of you are calm, ask him bout it.

I feel the issue here is that you and your h work in the same office and therefore you have the same office colleagues. This complicates your arguing with them. If I were you, I would tone it down -- but only with those guys. This is not about feminism or your h's attitude changing really. I think you are broadcasting a wrong kind of 'vibe' in your office environment by doing this and it may start to affect you adversely. We are all grown up now. So we can pick and choose our different groups of friends. Personally I reserve the political debates/arguments/opinions for close family members, my cousins, my kids. I do NOT go near the topic at work or with some of the behenji wives in our ( my and h) friends circle who are great gals, by the way, bless their hearts, but their eyes will glaze over and they will turn around and give MY h THAT look! And the whole vibe becomes uncomfortable. So I just dont go there anymore.

If you love to argue, have a separate group of friends, maybe your college buddies,maybe your cousins, but not work pals and have it out with them regularly. My FB feed is full of my opinionated cousins and college friends sounding off about Trump, and federer and Shashi tharoor and me back at them. Just my opinion of course.

 

GD, @gauridinesh

Hey, I believe you. I am not saying you argue all the time at all! but you know sometimes just one or two instances of heated discussion is enuff.

Actually GD, there is another side to this whole issue which occurred to me so I came back to tell you about it. I have faced it myself (never worked with my h so didnt have to face that addl complication). The issue is that I would be only woman working with bunch of guys and it was okay day to day basis we got along fine but yet magically whenever we all got together with our families, the guys would do their thing and I would be expected to make small talk and hang out with the women ie their wives. Women whom I do not know. Never met before. How much small talk can I do? Meanwhile all my colleagues would be having animated conversations and I do know them and that topic better. So I would gravitate in that direction. It is human nature. and sometimes there would be looks and sometimes stupid comments. What to do? I dont know the answer to this problem but it is definitely an issue.
Look this is a real problem so I again suggest --when both you and your h cool down, talk to him about it. Ask him what the hell he wants you to do? Is it fair you have to hang out with a bunch of women you dont know from adam? how much small talk to make? For how long? Tell him it was boring and the other discussion was much more interesting Dont worry GD, talk it out and both of you'll figure out a way.

 

Hi gauri,

i like your personality, be proud to be called as feminist. In all platforms when discussion on this goes, actually lot of intellectuals say, it is about "human rights" . You don't change your personality, we women need people like you.

How come bus driver didn't oppose drinking thing?

Actuaaly ur dh should be proud of you that u have knowledge about all things. Isn't he acting sexist by saying words , sit smile and nod head? Why should we women even listen to their crap when we r not allowed to tell our opinion.

(through media only all are getting info and we add our thoughts when we talk about politics , social issues or sports. , if they only can talk should women banned from reading newspapers, watching news etc? Oh I got it now, why some places women not allowed to read papers, can't use cell phone , I think it is in UP villages, Pakistan and afghanistan)

Lot of men deep down can't accept women as equals or knowledgable, their ego hurts. in my family I see this and I hate it.


I also gave one big lecture to my Indian colleague who sent wife/ girl jokes. I said to him, If you want to talk about your mother or wife talk about them not about all women , u have no right. After that I didn't get any joke mails from him, may be he deleted me from his group mail.

 

This is very true . Most of the men are like that.

 

Im with you you are educating your husband he is surprised cause it is a model he never have seen, and feels himself out of place it is good for women be empowered and make know that we can have a place in society not only at home, we are able to have knowledge, we were made to be equal and complementary if they want someone in silence he could buy a pet animal or a decorative figure to make him company. You have your rights if they demand their rights we have to begin to learn them we have ours.

 

:cheers @Ragini25

Dear OP,

Its as if like you are talking about me here..My DH also liked me and loved me for that reason,being outspoken etc..Now he says I am very strong and independent,to be honest,I am not as he says...

But one thing,I have realized is "Pick your battles wisely",no point in trying to convince people...Put your thoughts forward when needed,otherwise,just let it go...afterall if they are talking about politics,I am ok keeping quiet(Though I have a different opinion there)...but if they mess up with me,I am likewaitingsmiley...for which I am labeled as "Dont care attitude,bad DIL and Stubborn wife...etc etc..."...But I know what I am and my Kids knows what I am and DH knows too(only when in good mood and inlaws not around:hide...

Take care!

 

Always remember people carry not the meaning of what you say, its the way you paraphrase it.

To me you sound like a very vehement person, even the way you've written feels that way.

Reduce the ferocity in your voice, and be suave and observe how people react. It simply blows you away.

By the way, I don't sense a strong feministic sentiment floating around with you.