This post is because of a major argument I had with my husband yesterday. I am a "working" mom. I met my H at my workplace, fell in love and since caste/religion/family and even horoscopes matched, we had no trouble in getting married. I have always been an outspoken person. I am loud ( a little too loud sometimes). Even when I was doing my engineering, a lot of the guys in my class did not like me for my outspoken nature. I would usually be the first to speak out against any bullying or too much of harassing a girl in the name of "making fun". Got me into the bad books of a lot of guys. When we went for a college tour, the guys decided to have liquor in the bus. I told them that it was not acceptable. They told me that the girls can sit in the front and all the boys would come to the back seats. I again protested saying it is illegal and should not be done. A lot of girls were also of the opinion that the guys should not get drunk on the bus, but none of them voiced their opinion like me. So in effect, it was only me who was telling the guys to stop drinking. That was the first time someone called me a "feminist". Come "bachelor' life - where I had a job and earning my own money gave me a lot of independence.I had some good friends and we would usually have a lot of fun going for movies and eating out etc. never have we crossed the limits of decency. .We went on a trip to pondicherry from chennai via bus. We went early morning and came back in the night. Next day , some guy at office told me "girls should not go out like this too much. It shows rotten character". I was pissed. I argued and i told him, we went in public transport ,we never felt unsafe and we were back inside our home by 10 PM. The bus stop is right next to our apartment and we were 6 girls going together . What has character to do with it? That was when I was given the tag of feminist again. My husband knew me before marriage too. I was this outspoken and this loud and he fell in love with me inspite of that. After marriage, I have adjusted a lot - but I have always been vocal about how the girl's parents are equally important as the boy's parent. Just because I got married, i cannot leave my old parents alone and completely forget about them. I have been vocal that my husband's house will never be my home, it will always be my in-law's house . I have always been vocal that if I want to do something for my parents, I wont take my H's permission just like he doesnt when he does something for his parents. I revolted against having a joint account and I manage my own finances. Financial independance meant, I could buy gifts for my parents , I could buy things for myself and since I drive, I have never been the 'domicile' 'mujhe mere pati se poochna hai' kind of person. I dont think there is anything wrong in being domicile or depending on your husband.Just that I am not that person. We moved to the US and are in the same office and here too, whenever there is a really sexist marriage joke being cracked - for ex " after wedding a man bcomes mute " kind of jokes, I tell them that the reverse is also applicable and that women too get chained down.Its not like women get liberated after marriage. When my husband and colleagues planned a las vegas trip together only with the guys, i told them that if they really needed to be bachelors all the time, none of them should have married. If they want to stay late out for drinks parties on fridays and play cricket and volleyball whole weekend and not take any responsibility of their kids or families, they should just have remained that- bachelors. Why drag us into it too? So what did we argue about ysterday? This. That I am a feminist because i dont nod my head to everything that my husband says. We went for a trip with all the office colelagues and family and during dinner, we all sat at the table and talked about sports , politics, religions etc.I am opinionated. i talk politics and sports when men are around. So what pissed my husband off? That I dared to open my mouth to disagree when someone told that "roger federer has lost his touch". How can women talk about sports and politics? How can women have ANY kind of general knowledge. His question "Did you see any of the other wives open their mouths? Why cant you be like them? Why cant you just sit there and smile and nod your head to everything that is said?". Does that make me a feminist? Does that make my husband ashamed of me? Is it wrong to be opinionated if you are a woman? Am I a feminist?