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Always talking my SIL's praises

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by senorita2007, Nov 7, 2008.

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  1. Nov 7, 2008 #1
    senorita2007

    senorita2007 New IL'ite

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    hi
    My FIL and MIL are typical villagers from a remote village in Tamilnadu. from the time I got married and came into their family they have been comparing me with their daughter in all aspects and make me feel so inferior and incompetent. for example,
    "my daughter (she is in US too) learnt driving and got license very soon, why didnt u get",
    " my daughter has a job with her hardwork... how is your job hunt going?",
    " my daughter is so jovial and sweet, why are you so quiet?",
    " my daughter is so slim after childbirth, when are you gonna reduce your weight " etc etc.

    All these I actually turned a deaf ear, because these things are trivial and every parent is proud of their kids. but after I had my son and he was 2 years, they compared my upbringing of my son, with her upbringing(since she is working, her son goes to daycare 5 full days a week) and insult me in front of thier relatives saying that I dont know how to raise a son... these things really irritate me and I literally bite my teeth to stop myself yelling...

    Now I am going to India in Jan and really want to stay calm and cool, but somehow I find it mentally exhausting... please help ladies
     
    senorita2007, Nov 7, 2008
    senorita2007, Nov 7, 2008
    #1
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  2. Nov 7, 2008 #2
    kavinarayan

    kavinarayan Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi in laws are like that ...we can never change them they never praise you for your best ...they only pin point your normal do's don't worry...just keep calm....before they could start any topic you do it...like "your daughter is so good...i don't know how she manages..." they will not have a chance to start a new topic...just few days na...try and act to be ignorant...all they want is to show their superiority bear it for few days and fly back....

    kavi
     
    kavinarayan, Nov 7, 2008
    kavinarayan, Nov 7, 2008
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  3. Nov 7, 2008 #3
    happywoman

    happywoman Silver IL'ite

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    Hi senorita,

    Next time when she tells something about her daughter, tell her in a sweet way that you could have done all that if you were her daughter/ or if she was your mom:thumbsup
    When you go to India, when some topic comes up,just keep quiet and tell yourself in mind that when your hubby is not worried, why is she?? or just simply smile and move forward:rotfl:rotflThis will keep her brain engaged for sometimeBig Laughand she will not trouble you the next time.
    Try this trick, this will work!!:cheersNo point in losing your peace of mind,dear!!Try to cut off the root cause of the problem.

    vani
     
    happywoman, Nov 7, 2008
    happywoman, Nov 7, 2008
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  4. Nov 7, 2008 #4
    smitha123

    smitha123 New IL'ite

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    just ignore the comparison.. and if possible you also praise their daughter.
     
    smitha123, Nov 7, 2008
    smitha123, Nov 7, 2008
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  5. Nov 8, 2008 #5
    senorita2007

    senorita2007 New IL'ite

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    Hi
    I really cant praise my SIL from my heart since i have been wounded very much, maybe like hapy woman said, I will smile and control everything and move from that place....
     
    senorita2007, Nov 8, 2008
    senorita2007, Nov 8, 2008
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  6. Nov 8, 2008 #6
    life_voyage

    life_voyage Senior IL'ite

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    True,.. just a big sarcastic smile, when she keeps blabbering is enough. If possible follow it with the most trivial and irrelevant topic..

    Cheers,:thumbsup
    Tan
     
    life_voyage, Nov 8, 2008
    life_voyage, Nov 8, 2008
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  7. Nov 9, 2008 #7
    Malyatha

    Malyatha Gold IL'ite

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    My MIL not only compared me to her own daughter (who is just as evil as she is) but also with her co-sisters' DILS!

    I finally started attacking back. I started pointing out how SIL keeps HER home (in response to my housekeeping), how she dominates her husband (MIL thinks mine is spineless!) and how her co-sisters' DILs never even visit their inlaws (not even once in two years!) ... as soon as I started attacking her daughter, she kept quiet.

    Your SIL is not likely to be perfect. You just start pointing out her flaws, too... and it will shut them up quickly. Is it very nice to your SIL? NO...but the intent is not to hurt her but to point out that she is NO better (or NO worse) than you are. Don't worry about seeming disrespectful. Respect is earned... no demanded and is always reciprocated. You do NOT respect those who abuse, insult and harass you. So what if they gave birth to your husband? His parents... his problem.
     
    Malyatha, Nov 9, 2008
    Malyatha, Nov 9, 2008
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  8. Nov 10, 2008 #8
    harisur

    harisur New IL'ite

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    Truer words never more spoken. I can guarantee that most or all MIL's are the same when it comes to praising their daughters to their DILs. It is true that the daughter is the best and most likely can walk on water too but you should understand that absolutely nothing compares to her.
    I can truly tell you to smile and go about your life. What is 2-3 months with them compared to the rest of the days just you, your husband and your kid. I sailed in the same boat as you for a long time. Nowadays I give back to her. Try to talk to your husband and tell him to talk to your MIL to curb her words. You might have noticed that she will never talk ill about you when he is present in the house? Understand that so any of us are going thru the same situation and talk to us whenever you wish to.
     
    harisur, Nov 10, 2008
    harisur, Nov 10, 2008
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  9. Nov 10, 2008 #9
    senorita2007

    senorita2007 New IL'ite

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    thanks a lot for the support ladies, I guess everyone with SIL face this problem. My husband is just like any other and invariably says "they are old people talking in a silly way, just ignore it". I guess he will know how I feel when my father compares him with my brother and demeans his stature....

    I just have to subtly point out my SIL's weak points this time to shut their mouth....
     
    senorita2007, Nov 10, 2008
    senorita2007, Nov 10, 2008
    #9
  10. Nov 10, 2008 #10
    happywoman

    happywoman Silver IL'ite

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    Hey Senorita,

    The more you pay attention to her words, the more you will be hurt and no one else. She will be successful in her attempt to irritate you, which you should not let happen. If you are reacting itself would mean that somewhere down the heart, you have started to believe her words ( as per her thinking). ...so better contradict whatever she says and first prove it to yourself (your inner conscience) that it is not true ....then no one can take away your peace of mind. This is from my personal experience im telling you. We have to first strengthen our bond with our DH so that no one can shake the foundation.I hope you know the saying that ' united we stand, divided we fall'. Some people have the tendency to ' divide and rule'. So dont let that happen. What your hubby says is very true. Now dont get into the mode of comparing your Dh with others.....see you are already doing what your MIL thinks you to be.....so dont.....!!!
    IGNORE her.....once...twice...thrice.....make it a habit.....smile......then discover the peace!!

    All the best
    vani
     
    happywoman, Nov 10, 2008
    happywoman, Nov 10, 2008
    #10
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