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Always Care Taker Of Some One?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Reesha, Oct 20, 2020.

  1. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    Most men conveniently ignore the mistakes or sins committed by their siblings, and exaggerate mistakes madness by wife..sad but true..
    They will want to pamper the sister by not giving her any responsibilities or Feel hesitant or even scared to question their siblings..but have no regrets in overnight loading the wife who has her own set of problems to share..
     
    nakshatra1 likes this.
  2. Reesha

    Reesha Silver IL'ite

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    Yes this is true in my case too. once in past i asked like "your sister also want to care them naa? why dont you send them to your sister place..", then my DH raised on me like.."so do you want to send my parents out...thats why you are talking about concept of my sister caring of parents..so on..blasted" So in their view, their sister is major part when getting respect, when taking family decision, cooking part for her parents, but she is very minor when taking responsibilities.
     
  3. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    @Reesha, is your SIL not getting equal inheritance?

    Why in today's world, still some modern women shying away from responsibilities of parents?
     
    Last edited: Oct 28, 2020
    deepthyanoop likes this.
  4. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    I have seen this happen. The parents will then always sing praises of the other child while ignoring and criticizing the ones who do the everyday backbreaking work.
     
    deepthyanoop likes this.
  5. Reesha

    Reesha Silver IL'ite

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    Apparently my inlaws dont have properties much. they have single house at native village which is not much valued for city budgets. So there is nothing to get inherit. me & my husband as well as BIL family is bit better position financially. but SIL is house wife & having single teenage daughter. SIL is dependent on his husband. even financially i and husband can help. but they are not taking initiation to take her parents even for 3-4 months in year.
     
  6. joylokhi

    joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

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    This is not surprising at all. There may be a few who are really not willing to share the burden and want it to fall on the brother's lot -under the guise of tradition. But most often, like in my case, I could not do much for the parents however much i wanted to, as at every step there was opposition with the rule that it is for the brothers family as primary care givers. Looking after aged parents would cause inconvenience to say the least - and it would be ideal if there is understanding between husband and wife on this. But , just like the DIL feels, why cant the sister care for her parents at least occasionally, the Son IL also most often would not like to take on extra burden if he can avoid it, even if all the caring is to be done by his wife!
     
  7. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    Very true women face so many issues- in this society, I totally understand. It is the deepest anguish that no matter how much a woman do for her husband's family, she will not be considered a real person with real feeling for her own parents. That's really sad. Men are heroes for taking care of parents, women are villains for the same.

    But still I feel we know longer live in traditional times, any woman who is taking equal share of inheritance(directly or indirectly through a lavish marriage and "gifts" to inlaws' family) , then they have to convince their husbands anyhow. I fully support women getting equal inheritance. But equal rights includes equal responsibilities- that is something son in laws need to understand.
     
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2020
    joylokhi and deepthyanoop like this.
  8. Dreamer

    Dreamer Silver IL'ite

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    Reading your problems, I think the best way to deal with them is to wait it out without losing hope. We often feel that we are 'losing time', which we actually are as well but it is also a fact that when times change and good times come, they wash away ALL the sorrow of the past. Just sweat it out and wait. And stay hopeful. I have experienced it personally, times will change and they will get better.
     

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