Always appreciating MIL

Dear Smileforever,

there are 3 ways to go about it:-

1) sport the the-eh..-who-cares-attitude

2) ask your H casually - How is it? Did you like it? , any time (not every time!!) you feel you deserve appreciation for something you made really well

3) When you are alone -gently let him know how you feel when he doesn't appreciate you. Do NOT ask why MIL and not Me... unnecessary controversy! Tell him his appreciation makes you happy and motivates you to do better.

He probably doesn't realize what he is doing and how it makes you feel. Do not think too much about it.

Keep Smil(ing)forever

 

If your H goes for a second serving, then it automatically implies good.

In my case, my MIL explicitly discusses abt the food that she cooks. If its good, she praises herself, if not good, then keeps nagging that it didnt come out well..until my H says that its good. So, they know how to extract praises. My H doesnt say anything if my food is good..he takes many servings..thats a good sign.

Also, check if you praise your H for his good/special deeds..

 

It may be because to please his mother. he may not mean that ur cooking is not good. 90% of married gents pamper and appreciate their mothers. ok. for example, if he appreciate ur cooking, in front of his mother, she cannot bear that(many MILs are like that. but i dont know abt yours). that may be the reason. ur husband may feel comfortable with u than his mother expecting that his wife will understand.

 

There's only one simple solution. Ask what you want. After dinner when you are alone, start a conversation with your husband.

Dont say "You always appreciate your mom's cooking, but never mine." That is childish and defensive.

Instead, say "Whenever you find my dishes tasty, I would feel wonderful if you appreciate it. I would love to get your attention and encouragement. It will make me feel loved and important. Could you do it for me?"

It looks like you are begging for his attention but Indian men are not used to expressing things, especially with wife. So teach him. Show compassion.

And finally, dont let tiny things bother you. Practice Meditation and make yourself mentally strong. Learn to love yourself.

 

Seeing the headline of your thread, I thought at least one DIL has something good to say about her "Always Appreciating MIL". Oh no, life as usual.

No big deal, your husband may be just serving his mother's ego, just to maintain peace at home, assuming that you will understand that. Only few men know the importance of emotional connects with their woman through simple gesture of appreciation, saying thanks, giving a hug. That is a learning to almost all men, blame it on psychological differences, all you need to do keep telling your H how good you feel with his words of appreciation.

 

I too thought the same and thought to skip reading this thread