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All about phone calling ILs

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by anugamit, Jan 14, 2012.

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Jan 18, 2012 #11

srims Bronze IL'ite

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I feel its our duty to call our FIL&MIL .But SILs,if they are younger I feel and wait for their calls first.
Ofcourse from my family, everyone (my mom &sisters)will call me before I call them

srims, Jan 18, 2012

srims, Jan 18, 2012

#11
Jan 18, 2012 #12

kiranavvari Gold IL'ite

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In earlier years of my marriage, I used to call my MIL twice or thrice every week. But once I couldn't call her for 3-4 weeks because of some problems, she made it a big fuss about it, and I felt negative. Later when I was pregnant, and not well also, she didn't bother to give me a call to check how am I, which I expected. From then on, I stopped calling her. It would be need basis, if required, and that need would generally doesn't arise. And, they would never ever call us. To DH, they give missed calls if they need to tell anything. He calls back, but that doesn't bother me.

To my SILs, elder one, gives messages to me on occassions like festivals, or birthdays, and I too respond in the same way.

The younger one, doesn't do anything. only once in a year she calls to wish my DD on birthday. I used to call her in earlier years of marriage once in a week though she never used to call me. But again, when I was unable to call her for a month, she commented very badly about it. So, I stopped calling her regularly. I usually call her only three times a year to wish her on birthday (she never wishes on my birthday), and her children's birthday, other than that if any important message that needs to be shared only, I will call her. Otherwise a strict NO.

My DH asked me once or twice to call them, I told him very strictly that I can do when I feel to do, before asking me, he too can ask his sisters to call me occassionally. He can't ask his sisters to call me (they would tell him that he became like joru ka gulam), so he kept quite.

kiranavvari, Jan 18, 2012

kiranavvari, Jan 18, 2012

#12
Jan 19, 2012 #13

mybaby1 Gold IL'ite

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sirisyam said: ↑

my ils will never ever call even mh Dh.(leave out me, even i wont call them, i am fed up and left all those)

but they will give a missed call(never more than 2 rings) just before 5-10 days before we travel to india. when my DH calls back both his elder brothers will ORDER a list of gifts(only expensive).

And after that never. my DH calls them often, especially on ocassions, birthdays and anniversaries its a must
Click to expand...

So mean of them ...why dont you ask your husband to stop calling them and when they give missesd call just ignore it and forward some excuse. I just hate such kind of people...seriously its so cheap of them..

mybaby1, Jan 19, 2012

mybaby1, Jan 19, 2012

#13
Jan 19, 2012 #14

anugamit Platinum IL'ite

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Missed calls also should be charged!!!! :rotfl

anugamit, Jan 19, 2012

anugamit, Jan 19, 2012

#14

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Jan 19, 2012 #15

sirisyam Silver IL'ite

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mybaby1 said: ↑

So mean of them ...why dont you ask your husband to stop calling them and when they give missesd call just ignore it and forward some excuse. I just hate such kind of people...seriously its so cheap of
them..
Click to expand...

my co sis has a criminal mind. she manipulates anyone with her sweet voice and words.
let me tell u one conversation of mine with my DH regarding this.

i said evrytime its only u who calls them, y dont they call u. we need relationships, dont they need.

my DH said: its none of ur business, who r u to point out all that.
u want to break my heart on to my people, change my mind.

he knows all the truama i faced because of them.

i dont even call my parents who are n india.
i dont have any such facility here, only my DH mobile has.
i speak to my parents only when they call me.
DH says he doesnt want to WASTE MONEY.
I am not working here to spend my money. kids are too small for me to work.

even when i visit India i dont even take chocolates with me.
my parents and siblings are very well aware of all these, but my relatives who reside in the same colony as of my parents poke at me that i dont ever bother to give chocolates even to their kids.
i keep silent.

if i keep on telling like this it will be a book.

i am so much disturbed that dont even want to make a thought of them. their thought keeps me sick throught the days reminding the humiliations, torture i faced, with out any any and any kind of support from my DH

sirisyam, Jan 19, 2012

sirisyam, Jan 19, 2012

#15
Jan 23, 2012 #16

iyerponnu Gold IL'ite

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Oh... this is something I live with. Earlier when we got married, we would call our in-laws twice a week, ie I would call them once when I was alone, and over the weekends we would both speak. My dad-in-law used to go to the hospital every month for some tests, and he would come home for about a few hours each afternoon. (He would stay there for 3 or 4 days). I didnt know any of this (I never knew about all this before the wedding; I knew that he had ulcers etc, but didnt realise that he would go to the hospital every month for tests and stay there for those. My mom-in-law always said that he was away or something like that.) Anyway, I was told off big time for not having called home to find out what the doctor said.. From then on, I call almost everyday!!If I didnt call for a day or two, the next time I speak my mom-in-law would comment sarcastically about not having called her.. sometimes she would make it sound like a joke. So 8 years later, I am still calling them almost everyday. They simply take over my mornings..rushing to work, and my mom-in-law will complain that I dont sit and talk to her. I sometimes call her on my way to work, and she will complain about the noise on the bus! Saying that I have slowly started reducing the time I spend on the phone with them. I simply say I got to go and hang up after saying bye!! Hopefully I might learn to not feel guilty if I dont call them more than at least 3 times a week :hide:

Mythili

iyerponnu, Jan 23, 2012

iyerponnu, Jan 23, 2012

#16
Feb 15, 2012 #17

seagreen Gold IL'ite

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Well for me its like this :

For past 3 years we were staying in the same house in India, so no points on calling. But if i was gone to my parents house i had to call my MIL every alternate day. Also if i was late in office , i would have to call her up and tell separately even if my DH knows.
Now we are in US so every night my DH calls up his mom and talks, and then i talk. But if he is busy and doesnt call, i dont have to speak either. Its quite funny that when i was in india my MIL hardly used to talk to me properly and now that we are away and am carrying a baby she wants to chat with me everyday for 30 mins.
My SIL stays in US, so we talk 2-3 times a eek, sometimes she calls and sometimes i.

seagreen, Feb 15, 2012

seagreen, Feb 15, 2012

#17
Feb 16, 2012 #18

sirisyam Silver IL'ite

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hey seagreen,

its a healthy sign that ur SIL calls you, and even you call her.
good its a mutual thing

sirisyam, Feb 16, 2012

sirisyam, Feb 16, 2012

#18
Feb 17, 2012 #19

amri24 New IL'ite

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 It’s a huge discussion and my inlaws always blame me for this that im not having in touch with them, but my MIL calls my H every session (I don’t know what they will speak )they will not handle the phone to me to speak a word. But they want me to call separately from my mobile, I can’t understand them. My cunning SIL resides in the same city, calls her brother daily but she called me on our 1<sup>st</sup> wedding anniversary (oct) and I spoke to her on jan 1<sup>st</sup> to wish her. My H wants me to talk to them but he didn’t tell it directly as I will ask him to talk to my parents which he hates doing it.

amri24, Feb 17, 2012

amri24, Feb 17, 2012

#19
Feb 17, 2012 #20

cj1980 Gold IL'ite

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I don't think there can be any set rules for this. It boils down to the kind of relationship you share with your ILs. In my case I took the initiative to call my MIL (despite a horrendous drama before and during the wedding) once a week...did that for close to 10 months in the first year of our marriage...but noticed a lot of misunderstandings happening between my DH and I because of these phone calls (that I stupidly made in his absence!). In addition, there wasn't a single time when my calls were reciprocated. So I decided I would talk to them if and when my DH calls them, which was usually once a week or once in 10 days (MIL used to call him on his mobile after he left to work...so I knew they were talking more than once a week but it wasn't my concern). It continues to this day. My BIL never calls me, so I get to talk to him only when my DH calls to wish him on his b'day. My DH understands my decision because he knows I did my best and I am not to be blamed if his parents don't want to reciprocate.

But I have to admit that after over 3 years, I actually prefer this arrangement! It's a little ironic that while we lived 350 kms away from my ILs for close to 3 years they never bothered to call me or ask about my welfare. Of course, they used to talk whenever my DH calls them but it was never of their own volition or interest. But now that we have relocated to the U.S they want to Skype every week! ;-)

When it comes to calling ILs, I have heard this common complaint that the woman is expected to call all mamas, athais, nandu, sindus, in the ILs family while the guy gets away scott free! I do believe there are double standards when it comes to talking to ILs on the phone. Maybe if husbands took it upon themselves to practice what they preach and go the extra mile to build good rapport with the wife's parents the DIL would also be inclined to talk to her ILs more often? Maybe...maybe not!

cj1980, Feb 17, 2012

cj1980, Feb 17, 2012

#20

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