After Death Rituals

jayasala42 · Apr 26, 2014

Shri Cheeniya's post on ' Death' makes me think about' After Death Rituals'.

Whether the death is sudden, the person passed away is a bread winner, whether the deceased suffered too much due to physical disorder or mental anxiety- what next follows soon.

Now a days it is equally a costly affair to give a decent permanent farewell.

Just as marriage functions or conferences , it is a package deal. Next to I. T. , The Sastrihood seems to be a lucrative business. If you see around Ayodya mandapam in West Mambalam daily, you will see nearly 200 pundits or Sastigal in traditional panchakachcham distributing religious activities like Shraadhdham, pooja, Homam etc etc.

The other day one pundit was telling," It is a package deal.They have to supply only the 'dead body'. All other things we will take care for 13 days. They quote huge sums ranging from Rs 2 lakhs to Rs 15 lakhs- inclusive of dhaanam, etc, performance of rituals and feeding of guests.60% of the money goes to the main priest and 40% gets distributed among 10 or 12 assistants.

Once having spent so much on terminal illness of the patient many are left with nothing,, they had to borrow even for disposal of mortal remains.

Now the question arises whether performance of 'after death ' rituals really leads to the attainment of vaikuntam to the deceased or to the performer of rituals.
It is said that in all the four vedas consisting of 20,000 + mantras there is no mention of 'after death' rituals.

Antyeshti or final disposal of the dead body is the last of The Shodasa( 16) samskaras described. Vedas are silent after Anthyeshti.They do not speak of 12 day rituals and the Shubha Sweekaranam or Vaikunta Sammaraadhana done on the 13th day.
All these rituals claim to give Sadgathi, moksha or liberation from all the sins committed during one's lifetime and to extend kshemam to the kartha.
It is questionable whether getting liberation is so easy irrespective of one's karmas done during this life/ earlier lives?Then why spiritual saadhanas like mantra, japam pooja, naama smaranam and other charities are required and whether 13 day rituals alone would not suffice?
Can anyone leading an adharmic life while living,get Moksha after performance of rituals?If yes, does it not amount to basic violation of Karmic Principles?
It is said that Vedas, Upanishads, Brahma Sutras and Bhagavat Gita do not accept the above rituals as helpful for the departed soul.It is only the Puranas which were composed later, speak of such rituals performed ( by Bharaha & Rama for Dasaratha in Ramayana) and the story of Bhageeratha in bringing Ganga to earth to send his ancestors to heaven.

As puranas are not considered authentic in spiritual matters,the'after death ' rituals are considered as the later inclusions by pundits as a black mail tactics.Vedas and other spiritual texts were accessed only by the highly knowledgeable people, these rituals conveniently found a place in puranas which were easily accessible to common man.

Chap 4 of Gita says" According to Guna, Karma and Svabhava of a soul, it gets rebirth in Chaturvarnas ( not castes)
Chap 7, verse 23 criticises persons as dull headed9 Alpa Medhases) who seek after lower form of rituals.

Those who do after death rituals like SHRADDHA , PITRU TARPANA for the departed nearest and dearest souls etc reach only PITRULOKAS . No mention is made of the dead people for whom all these rituals are done. At the most, this can give psychological satisfaction to the performer of these rites and a sense of relief from guilt feelings if any for not looking after the departed ones with love and affection while living. It may also be because of the thankfulness for the departed ones for leaving behind them inherited properties.
It is of interest to know what the Mother Of Aurobindo Society talks about this .
"The human consciousness is an amalgam of concentric sheaths and one of the sheath closest to the physical body is'Elemental Consciousness'.This continues to persist in the body for a few days upto a week,even after the soul had departed.So mother recommends cremation only after this sheath leaves the body.
If it is cremated earlier, it is better to think of the person silently, without weeping or getting emotional."

" It is preferrable to do this without ceremonies,because we tend to think more about the arrangement of ceremonies , rather than thinking about the person.''
Actually we have done more than 200 shraddhas in our house for my husband's grandparents/ parents and still continue the same.

Apart from belief of getting sivalokam/ vaikuntam, these rituals form part and parcel of of social customs and even those who question the reliability or sensibility , continue to perform the same either for fear of comments or innate fear that their own children may be harmed on account of nonadherence.

The medicos / psychologists are in favour of such rituals, not because of any faith, but they feel grieving is a part of mental healing is sure to be achieved during 13day long rituals, when pain is at the maximum.They will be concentrating more on the arrangement and attending to guests facilitating easier return to routine.

But common sense suggests that it is unwise to get exploited
by the black mailing priests and threatening individuals and do what is needed as one's faith demands.

Jayasala 42

iyerviji · Apr 27, 2014

Jaya dear congratulations on the nomination by Satchi. She has not given fb yet but I know she will come up with a thought provoking fb. True after death rituals has become very costly and some people cant afford to spend so much money.

Here we have a Samithi, Brahman Seva Samithi of which my dh is an active member . They help the family where someone dies , buying whatever is needed , if death certificate is not collected, helping them to collect and they keep everything ready before the priest comes. The priest has only to come and perform the rites. The men who go to help are all sixty plus and they do honorary service. They also have a site where 9th to 12th day rites are performed.

satchitananda · Apr 27, 2014

Dear JS,

What a wonderful one this is. I can't tell you how much I agree with you and wish there was a multiple like button.

It is true that death related rituals are being used to emotionally blackmail people into parting with tens of thousands or lakhs of rupees. I have always felt very uncomfortable with these rituals and have heard many elders trying to justify how the fire acts as a "postman" and carries the offerings to the soul who takes a year to reach the pitruloka. I have never been able to get over the absurdity of it all - imagine races who do not perform these rituals as part of their traditions - are their dead doomed to an afterlife of wandering the nether worlds?

The best reason I can attribute to these rituals is that it keeps the bereaved relatives busy, diverting their minds to a certain extent from their grief, with people pouring in and keeping the house full. No one can prevent the sudden withdrawal symptoms after they leave, but at least it takes care of the immediate effects - or maybe just postpones it.

What bothers me is forcing people to follow those rituals, defining who should perform the rituals, how much money should be spent (sometimes at the cost of borrowing heavily) and then verbally lashing out at people who do not toe the line. My dad and I had agreed that I would do his final rites for him. Despite that, when his brother was terminally ill, it was attributed to a daughter doing the rites - so the rites were "improper". Besides, we did it in a minimalistic manner and every year we feed the poor instead of calling in the priest. So after consulting the astrologer, it was said that my dad was asking for rice!!!!! Poor man could not get rice in heaven. Or may be I had ensured he did not get there. They said "daughters have NO RIGHT to do the last rites". All this bothered me for a couple of days till I saw the downright absurdity of the situation and could laugh over it.

So one such rule is sufficient to pity parents who have no sons and so cannot get liberation! So it is essential to have sons. Daughters are unnecessary (except to bring them the "punya" of "kanya danam"). So too many daughters? Just finish them off before they are born. They are of no use anyway! See how patriarchal society has framed norms and used it to scare people to the extent that they think it is their RIGHT to upset Nature's balance?

I am so glad that you have categorically stated that such rituals are not part of the Vedas! We need people who have detailed knowledge of our texts to expose the gap between what is there, what is not there and the existent practices.

Thanks a lot for this write-up. I tried to post a reply last night but I was using my husband's laptop and had some problems with the keyboard; therefore had to abandon the task for the night.

jayasala42 · Apr 27, 2014

Dear Satchitananda,
Thank you very much for your golden response.
I am happy that you have clear views on the same.
The belief about sonless parents is totally absurd."Pillaiyillaatha soththu kollai pogaathu.
There are clear laws of Succession.Girls have equal rights.
Actually we are only 6 daughters and no sons. My father clearly stated before his death ( he died when he was 96) that nobody need perform any ritual for him.
We do only poor feeding on the Annual Ceremony Day.
I have seen people adopting a son only to do the rituals, as otherwise they would go a Narakam called'Puth".
I totally comdemn the distant relatives coming to prominance by their unwarranted comments and unsolicited advice.
I know a case where a person was drowned when he was taking bath in kollidam river.He had no sons, but a married daughter.
The body was entangled somewhere and could not be traced at all.
A cousin who was interested in grabbing the property landed with a group of relatives from somewhere and insisted that he would perform the rites. Daughter/ Son in Law were innocent and calm.
With the aid of some sastris, they brought a handful of hay ( Vaikkol) and by reciting mantras they transformed the hay into a dead body( by conception)-ritual popularly known as Preta Aavaahanam or Preta Aaroopanam. They burmt the hay, took the ashes and did visarjanam in the kollidam river. The distant relative grabbed the property.

It is just because people do not want to be branded 'atheists' though people who may not believe in rituals also can be great devotees and they don't want to antagonise the relatives.

It is absoltely essential that people get an awakening in this regard and are not exploited by pundits/relatives.

People who never even raise a little finger while the person is suffering come in great congregation to usurp the property with the saying" Vaazhvai vittaalum vidalaam. Saavai vidak koodaathu"

Jayasala 42

jayasala42 · Apr 27, 2014

Dear Viji ,
Thank you for your immediate response. It is very nice of you having associated yourself with a samithi ,and that your husband is actively involved in rendering service at the time of death. A really laudable service!
During such calamities when the entire family is in grief, they may not be in a position to concentrate on anything. It is these well intended gentlemen, who reach the spot unmindful of their own age and family problems. Getting Death Cert from a doctor is very important without which cremation will not be allowed.

We had an experience in 2008. Our neighbour was a lady, 83 years old. , deserted by her husband, she was living alone in an individual house. I was visiting her on daily basis.We helped her in drafting her will, got it registered.
When she complained of chest pain at midnight, myself and my husband rushed, admitted her in Vijaya hospital at vadapalani. But unfortunately she passed away on way to hospital.
Doctor told us that ' they would issue a certificate as ' brought dead'only, which will not be accepted at burial.

She had already been provided with a pace maker implant five years back.
I was given to understand ( It was a news to me) that some of the electrical crematoria do not accept bodies with electronic device inside. Once it is rejected, we have to take the body home, which is considered very very inauspicious.

But the doctor knowing that auntie had no relatives and we were only neighbours, gave a nice advice.
By paying Rs5000/ the corpsed was admitted, as though alive, the pace maker was removed. I immediately arranged for eye donation while in hospital.Doctor was able to give a proper death certificate noting time of death etc.We brought the body home. The so called relatives hungry of her money arrived in the afternoon, body was cremated with full honours.
The relatives had to return empty handed as she had, by a will, bequeathed her properties amounting to a few lakhs to five or six charitable institutions.
Jayasala 42

iyerviji · Apr 27, 2014

Thank you Jaya for sharing your experience. Hats of to you and your husband for helping that aunty. You are blessed.

Manjureddy · Apr 28, 2014

Knowledge is Power . When power is concentrated in the hands of a few, it corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.

When vedic knowledge was restricted to a few on the then practical basis (division of labour), the expectation would have been for the same pattern of life to continue unchanged forever. But Time is cruel . It causes many upheavals that create undreamt of changes in the fabric of human society. What rules and regulations held good once, do not hold good in the changed platforms. The knowledge that was entrusted to one division of society, the Brahmans , due to changing times, got concentrated in the hands of a few among that division, making them a class of their own, the Priests , who as custodians of traditional knowledge now enjoy absolute power . The power to interpret their recieved knowledge in whatever way they choose fit. The rest, ignorant of the said knowledge, have no go but to accept their word . If we want feedom from that, we must equip ourselves with the necessary knowledge first hand. But where are the teachers today ? Is it possible for us now to study all the vedas, puranas, upanishads , Brahmanas, sutras and bhashyams to distil the truth for ourselves and act accordingly ?

When it comes to the "antima kriyas", the general tendency is to do what is demanded, just in case . .Moreover, " Its done only once in a lifetime for a person"

.When there is no way of knowing what lies on the other side, it feels safer to just take precautionary measures, even if we are agnostic. If there are really bootha pretas,heaven and hell, our kriyas would be helpful, if there are no such things, its ok, the Kriya was just another feast , no harm done ! Thats the predominant feeling. Its the Fear of Unknown. We fear more for ourselves, the survivors, than for the afterlife fate of the dead.

My Father was not religious, but practised spirituality. His death was foretold by doctors when he developed tertiary carcinoma. He had just enough time to tie up the loose ends and make all necesaary arangements for his survivors before he left. He specifically instructed us to hold only Arya Samaj rites for his antima kriyas. ( which are basically a thanksgiving to all ancestors and Elements for his (and our )blood and life ) .But after he passed away, my very orthodox Maternal grandfather put his foot down and arranged for a full traditional 13 day ceremony. His reasoning was, if a person is ignorant, it is an elder's duty to guide him towards the true path at least after death ! We had to give in because of his age and position.

(Among the rituals was one in which a person was given a danam to receive and take away the dead man's sins ! What happens to Karma then ? )

In another instance, a relative collapsed and died during Char Dham yatra, at Kedarnath. The pandits there refused to give the body and they themselves cremated him because scriptures say, it seems, that anyone dying in Kedar ascends to heaven directly and there is no need for any other ritual. Still, his frightened family held a full blown ceremony back home, cremating an effigy of the man, made of darbha grass . Such Faith astounds me and I dont know what to think of it.

jayasala42 · Apr 28, 2014

Dear Manju Madam,
After all death rituals are faith based and fear faced.It is not the question of doing once. It is the exploiting of pundits that terrorises people.The surrounding relatives would confuse you more if one is not firm.
If the close relative is an NRI, the rates are tripled.
People should be aware how they get exploited and be wise enough to tackle the problems.

Jayasala 42

Kamla · Apr 29, 2014

Dear Jayasala,

I am awed by your enormous know how on life and living. As such, it is I who should address you as Madam. But this being a virtual family and friends circle, let us dispense with stiff formalities and keep to just our user names! Do address me as Kamla, I will happily respond!

I agree with everything you have written. Manju has added her awesome thoughts to it. In spite of priding ourselves on the progress we have made in the evolution of life, the question of what happens to us after death remains a total mystery, something no one has answered in so many words! Hence we are in awe of Death. World cultures and religions comemmorates death with various religious and ceremonial acts. Religious gurus and leaders give their own interpretation of what happens to one's consciousness and soul. I need not elaborate on that as all of us are only too well aware of various suppositions.

What we do know is death too has become as expensive as living! When there is fear, there are enough people who would like to exploit that and in the state of mourning for the loved ones, no one ever questions those intentions.

I often wonder why don't our religious heads come forward to give a clear picture as to what should be done and what can be dispensed with in relation to today's living? Be it in the matter of girl child, role of a woman and certain regressive practices that is followed without any questions and on certain taboos in the society, why don't these highly placed seers make clear statements and alleviate certain practices that seem to plague the society??? If commoners like you and me can see the weak links, can the so called enlightened ones not see?

An inspiring write up. Thanks for this post.

Congratulations are in order for this post has been nominated to FP of the month by Satchitananda!

L, Kamla

Amma15 · Apr 29, 2014

Dear Jayasala mam,

I was happy to read your post. It made me remember my FIL, and to think that there ARE people who think like him.
It was the year 2004, when my FIL told my husband " what happens to my soul depends on how I have lived life so far. So please respect my wishes and after my death, please do not conduct superstitious rituals by incompetent priests. Can anyone leading an adharmic life while living, get moksha after performance of rituals? Spend that money doing something that is more fulfilling and not on the priests and also please donate my cornea to the eye hospital and my body to the Anatomy Department for research purposes / teaching medical students. He died in 2005 and my MIL in 2013.
My DH and his sister( my SIL ) honored their request and donated their cornea to the eye hospital and bodies to Anatomy dept. We were cursed royally by the priests for not performing ALL the rites and rituals and going against Hindu dharma! They said the next ten generations of ours will suffer! Neither my parents nor PIL wanted priests or rituals. We did not have either. Just a few bhajans. They just told us to feed as many as we can!

Usha