Affair

Akshara

most of the times we underestimate the capabilities of our parents and kids...but remember when a person loves you they cant see you in pain. I have seen some of my friends who were worried about what their parents reaction would be if they get separated or the marriage falls apart etc, but surprisingly parents took it more openly than being emotional or sad as they wanted their kid to be happy, doesnt matter whether the kid is married or not.

Your mental sanity and your feelings need to be saved . You are the one in the situation. If someone understands it good n fine, If they dont understand, dont worry about making them understand, eventually they all will.

 

Well said Srividya.I feel the same way too.I think parents can handle the situation.I only feel she has to open the subject slowly and reassure them she will be fine.

 

Akshara,
first of all hugs to you. 10 years is a long time and to think husband would stray is unbearable.
Having said that, I think you have handled the situation very well. No point in getting hysterical. Think before you make any decision. Seperating for a few months is a good idea. But, once a man cheats, chances are more that he would cheat again. That too, if he is still entertaining the idea of living with her while with you, that's really insensitive.

 

Akshara you are sensitive, smart and kind, Your husband is the only one who is not seeing it.
Its very difficult to even imagine what it must feel like to build a relationship carefully for 10 long years only to be shattered so insensitively.You are a very strong lady very much in control of your emotions, not lot of us will be able to walk in your shoes.Its a very good idea to meet with a therapist and talk it all out.It would be best to let your parents know, they too will feel betrayed at first but will become very strong in order to be able to support you emotionally.

Are you working? From your posts it appears you are not financially dependant on your husband.
Take care of yourselves.

 

Dear Akshara,
I think you are poor about the choice of words you use to express yourself. When you mentioned you were feeling sad - were you feeling sad for your DH or about your state. If you are feeling sad about yourself - it means you are feeling low and depressed. Now that you mentioned you were crying a lot and your tears have dried up, it means that you are really hurt, feeling useless and helpless and depressed.
Definitely you require help, and your decision to see a therapist is laudible. Also, i would suggest you to talk to your close relatives and his close relatives as well ( including your parents and his parents, your and his siblings etc.) They will give better advice and perspective as well and will protect your marriage and bring it back on rails. Dont think you will be overburdening them with your problems. People will be too happy to be with you in troubled times. Take their help. Tell your DH that you will be seeking help. Seeking help is not demeaning. Kings and queens also seek help of ministers, armies and other kingdoms when warlike situation arises.

 

Hi Akshara,

I got to see this post just now.
All the best and hope you get all the strength and a clear mind to over come your problems and let God clear the clouds in your life.
Just a suggestion about telling this to your in laws, think thrice b4 you do that.
You had mentioned you had problems with your in laws hence they might stand by their son in this case.If the problems and terms between you and your in-laws is good now they might support you.
After 10 long years of marriage it is difficult for you to forget the life you had with your husuband hence take a decision in which you will not be affected(you can be selfish nothing wrong in that), he will also feel the same so make him understand and remind him of the 10 long years.
You can ask the therapist to talk to your husband and bring sense in him.

Prayers to you.

 

Hey Akshara,
First off: *HUGS* to you! I'm sure that this is difficult!
Second: What do YOU want? Are you sick of all this cheating? Take him for everything he is worth and ditch him!
Do you want to keep him and the marrage together? Then you have to go and FIGHT for it!
I agree that he has to decide NOW, not at the other womans convenience.
He may have set this situation up, but now you start calling the shots.
Do not have children!! It is not fair to drag them into this.
If and when things are settled, then you can consider it, but during this situation is bad.
Good luck dear one!
Ami

 

Hi dear

Big hug to you.... I dont know how you are tolerating this... it is very difficult.. i have gone thru this recently after my 10 yrs of marriage... i know it is very diffcult... my husband is out of that afair ( as far as i know) and he promised me that he is not going to repeat. but it is very diffcult to live with a spouse who has cheated u or is chating u behind ur back. I am staying with my husband right now due to my son... becuase he is very attached with his father.. but in return i have killed my self.. my respect for my own self is gone and everyday u feel degraded in ur own eyes. So think propely befor u take any step. don't speak to ur in-laws.. they wont help.. it did the same blunder and they put each blame on me and in end my in-laws and husband where together and i was finghting alone... Most of these in-laws are selfish.. the dont care about their DIL problems, her emotional well being. Take care i am everyday praying for u

 

Hi

Believe me, I am going thru something similar but in your case he has accepted.

I know how it hurts, but it is better you part ways. dont take just my advice but as one of the suggestion.

You very well know and heard from the horse's mouth that he is comfortable and happy in the company of the old flame.

I personally feel you should get out of this marriage, hope you don't have kids.

I am sure you will find someone else who loves you. Once a man goes out of the track, personally I feel it is difficult to keep him in the track.

Also speak to a family counsellor and the family.

Good Luck and best wishes

 

if i, sure wont leave him just like tat....i will try my best to get him back.then i will start torture him for wat he done to me...