Affair

Akshara,

How many people do we need to wake up in this IL forum?

He is a jerk. Pls. wake up to that. He is cheating in a marriage. Maybe in your books he is still a nice guy. But not acceptable in general.

If he is sorry - he should say Sorry and never even turn to the other woman. And, then he needs to BEG for your forgiveness. Instead he says he is sorry but He "needs to make a decision" is bull sheet.

 

gosh!!!! no wonder why your husband is walking all over you:hide: he is telling you he is in love with a woman who is still married....so he has basically no principles or maturity in life on what is or is not right???? now you are supporting him saying whatever he did might be right because he was truthful to you:bonk...why are you soo DESPERATE to be in this so called marriage arrangement when the man can stray any time and you cant trust him as you dont know whom would he bring home the next day!Really I am just going:spin:spinwhen I am reading your posts!!! why are you soo blind to see whats happening around you??? This is not called as LOVE!! this is called desperation and not able to put your life onto right track (I dont know what so ever fears you have to standup for yourself)

I am sorry to say but I am angry now than sad to read your post!! You are being married to this MAN for 10 yrs..shake him up and down and make him see what is he doing! Thats your duty too. dont just sit and expect things to fall in place. This is not a movie! This is real life! Atleast am glad that there are no kids involved or else with your kind of approach kids life would have spoiled too..as their mom is not strong enough to standup for the rights of the kids and the spouse

 

Does any one know why I feel more sad than angry?
You are more sad than angry because you are thinking of your state after the divorce but when you think of his jolly life after his marriage with her, you will be angry.

Should I not be angry about what he did ?
You should be, thats the right emotion and suppressing it will only mislead you. Dont fool yourself.

Why do I still want him ?
You should still want him because its your HUSBAND. People do make mistakes and we dont disown them immediately. We work with them and find a solution.

 

This is not a "mistake" he did like he forgot your Bday.

This is a blunder and knowingly done by a guy without ethics, and Akshara, you should be kicking him out and he should be begging for your forgiveness. This whole thing is a bloody farce.

 

My friend, do you love your husband in a passionate man-wife way? Because frankly I'm shocked that you are not more offended by what he is doing. Most women would go bonkers thinking of their guy cheating! Not to hash up the past, but there is a thread on here that I started where I THOUGHT my husband might be THINKING of cheating with some internet slut (erm, I mean 'model'). Giiiiiirl, let me tell you..... I was pissed and ready to kick my man in the balls and then hunt this girl down and give her two tight slaps. And here your guy tells you he is actually doing the deed, AND he might run off into the sunset with her.... and you are so calm and cool! Either you and your husband never really hit it off and have been living in a platonic relationship, or you have just not had it sink in yet that your husband is completely trashing your marriage. Seriously, you are so chilled out about all of this it's almost creepy. I think this is the first time I'm ever seeing something like this.

 

I have this question as well. Thanks for asking ASG.

Yes, so much so that I almost thought "Can Akshara be a troll? And just falsely posting here"? But then I think she is just not yet facing reality?

Akshara - like ASG says - you should be kicking the jerk called hubby out of your house and instead you are being just 'sad'?

 

Tough situation.

All you guys are confused (as expected) and have choices to make. The other woman has to figure out if she is going to leave her spouse. Your husband has to figure out how he wants to deal with this situation. You have to figure out the same.

Scenario 1:
Status quo. Everyone stays married as is and keeps agonizing.

Scenario 2:
Other woman leaves her spouse and does not want to marry your husband but wants to have a platonic friendship with him.

Scenario 3:
Other woman leaves her spouse and wants to marry your husband.
Your husband decides to stay with you.

Scenario 4:
Other woman leaves her spouse and wants to marry your husband.
Your husband decides to leave you.

Scenario 5:
Other woman leaves her spouse and wants to marry your husband.
Your husband wants to be married to both of you or something similar where he gets to enjoy both the ladies in his life.

To begin with you need to figure out, if push comes to shove which of the above you are willing to go with.

Can you leave him and go to your parents house for a few months till things clear up. Take some time alone to think for yourself what you want. Then also see what the other 2 (husband and other woman) come up with.

You need some time away from this mess. You mentioned feeling shocked and sad. That might just be your own coping mechanism and your way of reacting to shocks.


Good luck.

 

In all this you have not talked anything about how your married life is. All you are saying your husband loves the other woman, likes her company, dreams to be with her and probably marry her, and you like him for being frank?

Yes it is betrayal and it is really sad when you would have heard and seen all that, when such things happen, a person feels unwanted, dumped, less fortunate in relationship. But you will have to find out what to do , talk to him and see if he is having any interest in the relationship with you. Not having kids is a blessing to you now..

He may be waiting for the other woman to divorce and the affair may get more intense to the point he may ask you to leave him too. As kids are not there, love is lost and someone else already in life rocking the boat, the chances of he sticking in the marriage around you is very less.

Also I fail to understand your DH , what is that he is trying to prove by being frank to you that he is having an affair with someone and that he likes to meet and see her and be with her and dreams to marry her?

He is not even worried about your sentiments.? is it some kind of a joke he is doing he thinks?

You need to be little bold and try to find some solution

 

OP,

Pls feel free to use my line about Hindu marriage vows no matter how concerted is the effort to denigrate them as ordinary, nothing special. To many they are meaningful and special.

 

Some how Akshara I still am not able to understand are you for REAL??? ASG asked you the right questions!!! All these 10 yrs of being married to him, does it really mean anything to both of YOU??? or are you thinking anyways he would leave you and get married to the other lady, so why even put up a fight and loose? its like declaring defeat even before you start fighting for your own rights!!! This is not a movie dear! This is real life! Even if you want to release him from this marriage....(Some how I think this is also good for both of you, because there cant be trust/love in this marriage) and even if you both happen to live togehter I would call it as livein relationship not as a marriage because any time of the day/ night your husband may leave you for another woman!!

So how about standingup for yourself. Give him a warning to STOP all this crap. Doesnt matter if he was frank or not. What matters is after 10yrs of living with you IS THIS WHAT HE IS GIVING YOU??? why didnt you guys have kids in these 10ys?? is it because of his straying habits??Even if you both want to separate, I really appreciatee if you throw him out of the house and start living by yourself. Dont wait till the other woman divorces her husband and your husband and her patch up and get married its like you making things easier for him! Let him learn his lessons in life.

Are you working? What is your visa status here in US?? time for you to give him a warning and throw him out of the house and let him figure out what he did was right/wrong!!