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Advice please

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by lovelydoll, Jun 12, 2010.

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  1. Jun 13, 2010 #41
    Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    Absolutely, the marriage itself is a big problem for OP, no babies till things are sorted out to the point OP feels comfortable or walks out...

    The chances are bleak personalities like these will change ? and here its not just DH its MIL too

     
    Last edited: Jun 13, 2010
    Tridev, Jun 13, 2010
    Tridev, Jun 13, 2010
    #41
  2. Jun 13, 2010 #42
    lovelydoll

    lovelydoll Senior IL'ite

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    adjustments and things are fine, I can work and do the things , but he is not understanding and is after my parents , and MIL keeps pouring in the ears nd he just listens to them , that irritates, use brain , see wht is happening, mingle with people so that u will know how people are socializing nothing
    I was asking , plz leave all these ultimately we 2 had to lead the life, no one will come, we go out and spend little time.he was telling we don't have that much scene. pissed off now
     
    lovelydoll, Jun 13, 2010
    lovelydoll, Jun 13, 2010
    #42
  3. Jun 13, 2010 #43
    lovelydoll

    lovelydoll Senior IL'ite

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    yeah , MIL, MIL's mum , his brother and himself group of people with no understanding at all
    they always nag him and he acts accordingly
     
    lovelydoll, Jun 13, 2010
    lovelydoll, Jun 13, 2010
    #43
  4. Jun 13, 2010 #44
    lovelydoll

    lovelydoll Senior IL'ite

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    yeah, ifeel the same atleast till I am independent
     
    lovelydoll, Jun 13, 2010
    lovelydoll, Jun 13, 2010
    #44
  5. Jun 13, 2010 #45
    Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    I have to say please dont decide to have a baby just because you are independent. Dont make independence as a criteria. A happy marriage a union is very imp. God has given you heads up through lot of sources and this marriage may not be holding good for you. You being independent is good for you for sure. But dont bring a baby because you are independent and can take care of the baby alone. It is best to wait and if things dont work quit and remarry after careful consideration and then start a family...

     
    Tridev, Jun 13, 2010
    Tridev, Jun 13, 2010
    #45
  6. Jun 13, 2010 #46
    newbeginning

    newbeginning Bronze IL'ite

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    Lovelydoll,

    Oh my god....is your hubby a twin of mine or what? seems like he does so similar things....some of them exact same. Anyway unfortunately they wont change my dear....I have been through all this and even more. I even have a daughter suffering too....
    So please muster enough strength and courage and make use of this situation to stand up on your own feet first and then plan on whats the best step for you. You have to all the time stand up for yourself girl...dont get carried away by his negative remarks or taunts. Even as I type this my hubby is going on and on of his usual negative taunts and remarks and stuff for me, my mom, my brother and my whole family and everyone in this whole wide world:).
     
    newbeginning, Jun 13, 2010
    newbeginning, Jun 13, 2010
    #46
  7. Jun 14, 2010 #47
    Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    That is really sad, that you suffering too. God show me some one who is happy out there:drowning in married life....

    Just curious how are you dealing with your DH and the situation.?

     
    Tridev, Jun 14, 2010
    Tridev, Jun 14, 2010
    #47
  8. Jun 14, 2010 #48
    lovelydoll

    lovelydoll Senior IL'ite

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    u are correct, i have to stand for myself now
    thanks dear for ur support
     
    lovelydoll, Jun 14, 2010
    lovelydoll, Jun 14, 2010
    #48
  9. Jun 14, 2010 #49
    lovelydoll

    lovelydoll Senior IL'ite

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    i hate the concept of marriage itself now
    no plans for kids anyways
     
    lovelydoll, Jun 14, 2010
    lovelydoll, Jun 14, 2010
    #49
  10. Jun 14, 2010 #50
    newbeginning

    newbeginning Bronze IL'ite

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    Well, even I feel the same way all these married ppl are they really happy or do they put up a face for outside ppl:) maybe i am wrong....but since I have never been happy in my marriage so I might not know what a real happy marriage is all about.
    Coming to me dealing with him....as I said Ignoring is the best medicine...i mean how much can he yell, shout and throw tantrums?:thumbsup. He will and has to shut up sometime when I dont react or answer. ITs more like throwing stone on keechad and getting keechad all over you:hide:. I am not yet completely there...but trying hard to do so....instead of replying and spending restless, sleepless and crying nights with no one here and feeling so low. There is no point in doing all that, we spoil our health and sanity by doing that with such kind of ppl...so better ignore and concentrate on our stuff.....live as if he does not exist around. Its hard living under the same roof, but you know its not difficult, if we want to maintain our sanity. I am waiting it out to and giving myself sometime to see if he will start the separation process of if i should start...lets see where it will take us. But you know I am using this waiting time to do somethings and make my ground stronger too...without his knowledge of course:coffee

    And my kiddo is suffering too.....sometimes I do feel bad and feel low when I start thinking from her angle...but you know **it happens and we have to move on...thats all I have learnt from this 10yrs of suffering. Seeing her parents be like this will do no good for her growth and future.
    With me, the more and more he acts like it, I start building a stronger shell and somehow get the courage to face him. But with this guy its so difficult to deal that when I get real stronger, he gets weak and he can go the extent of even falling on my feet and crying too. So that point I feel what am I doing, why I am being so stiff with him and feel like he is a nice guy and I give in and within 15days he starts his cycle all over again for some silly, stupid reason....leaving me so confused:rant as to what went wrong and what did i do kind of stuff. Till this date I am unable to understand him and his behaviour and now have finally given up hope and have come to the conclusion that the problem is not me its HIM. Till now I used to blame myself and try to do several things to please him. :bonk.
    These ppl are losers....so no point in tagging along with them and spoil our precious lives....I have tried all possible things I could think of with this guy of mine and nothing really worked:spin.
     
    newbeginning, Jun 14, 2010
    newbeginning, Jun 14, 2010
    #50
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