Advice needed in a critical situation

op,

You really have been a wonderful friend to this girl! Really, hats off to you for taking her in, arranging her bail, accompanying to lawyer etc. But you are right, one can only do so much. Dont get worked up about her reactions. Let her be. Maybe she is still in shock, maybe it is taking time to sink in. Maybe watching her mega serial shows gives her a sense of escape from this nightmare, a sense of routine. The initiative to fix the situation has to come from her. So just back off, take her to the lawyer but dont talk, or participate, and just let things play out. How much can you and your h do after all?

Your op disturbed me a lot. But you are right, it is for her to take the initiative and take the steps to fix her life. I wish her a good outcome.

 

Does she nt hv evidence of attack on her?!

 

I think she needs to be given a reality check. Tell her the truth regarding what could be her jail term etc. and scare her to give her the jolt she needs to grasp how much trouble she is into if she does not take this seriously. Show her the case suggested by one of the posters above whereby a woman has had to face prison for 20 years.

Tell her that if she wants to stay out of jail then she needs to start helping build her defence. Let her know that if she does not get her act together u will not be able to help her much even if u wanted to. Also get other relatives of hers involved , what are her parents/ siblings doing ? Explain to them how dire the implications could be for her. Get some support for you to help her. All the best. Hope she gets out of this mess soon and has enough wisdom never to go back to him.

 

Hugs to your friend... I hope GOD will give her enough courage to handle this situation tactfully, my prayers r with her, U r such a gem of a person who stood by her in such critical situation, Really kudos to you... I don't have much advice bcoz I don't know abt US Laws, but one thing I would like to advice u is to ask her to get her parents here to support her..Really feel bad abt their kids who simply became sandwich between the ego battles of both their parents..

 

So basically she attacks him.. and now he is the villain..

who knows in rage if she can actually harm the kids, just to get back at her husband... she should go thry the court processs.... get her kids... let things work out and go back home if she has to...

 

From the original post.

While I do sympathize with the friend...probably doesn't deserve to go to jail...I don't understand the tide against the husband.

They had a volatile relationship. From the op it does not look like she was in an one sided abusive relationship.Mutually hurting each other is mutually abusive.The worst kind of situation for children to be in.

It also doesn't look like this was the only incidence of violence between them.Her silence on the issue also points towards her not being in an abusive relationship.

While we do see more cases of men being the abuser...there are enough cases of women being mentally and physically abusive.In most such cases...men are too embarrassed to even accept in public that they are physically abused by their wives till it is too much and becomes life threatening. Attacking with a knife definitely falls under the same .


According to the original post....he went to office the next morning and came back with the cops...not after a week.

It seems quite logical...he is a man with two small kids. He called his mother...met with some lawyers and then called the cops.Exactly what we would advise a woman to do...get away,consult a lawyer and involve the police.


He obviously wants an end to this marriage .He is probably looking for the more fool proof ,fastest way of going about it.As for wanting custody of children,it is also quite logical....the parent who has more self control and less violent ways should want the child if he is responsible.As for alimony...I wouldn't want to pay a fat alimony to a person who attacks me with a knife.


What strikes me as shocking is a apathy of her own family. When your child is looking at a possible jail sentence....you expect more than just financial support from the parents.


I also find is surprising that an engineer with two children is behaving in such a naive manner.

As for the children being denied access to a mother......We have all seen enough cases of mothers harming their own children .....jumping into well after throwing the children first,poisoning them and then killing self. Extreme cases.....but they do happen. A person who can pick up a knife...should have to go through some psychiatric evaluation before being trusted with children.

 

YM, it was a butter knife and not a real knife. Also, we don't know the exact nature of the altercation. There may be some provocation done by the husband for her to take such an action in reciprocation.

 

A real knife could have been around instead of the butter knife Akanksha.....a knife is a knife.You are right....we don't know the nature of the altercation nor the provocation......so we should be more balanced and not blame the person who was assaulted.

As per the OP....she was not getting attention from the husband so she retaliated.Doesn't seem like a good enough reason to yield a knife...whatever kind.
Besides ...they have a history of mutual hurting.Who wouldn't want to get out of such a relationship?

 

Whether its a butter knife or real knife but the act itself is very violent&unacceptable, I think irrespective of gender people shd have basic self-control, just bcoz rage of it or provocation a person can't pick up a knife to threaten/kill anybody in question, what if Tom, she has some argument with her kids&repeat the same??? i know she may be innocent& repenting for her extreme temper but she has to muster courage to fight for herself, Still I have sympathy for her but not for her act,Wish her DH would just let her go away only with Divorce