1. Have an Interesting Snippet to Share : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Aduthathu Ambujathai Parthela Ava Athukarar Konjaradhai Kettela[on Jealousy] [look At Our Nejghbour

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by sln, Apr 6, 2020.

  1. sln

    sln Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    1,672
    Likes Received:
    1,522
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Male
    Aduthathu Ambujathai parthela ava athukarar konjaradhai kettela[On Jealousy]

    [look at our nejghbour Ambujam-she is swimming in the endearing words of her husband]

    This is an enlightening song in Ethir Neechal ,a Tamil film where the lady asks her husband to learn from how the neighbour is petting his wife Ambujam with endearing words.

    Jealousy is a natural emotion when you find some one has what you think you ought to have yourself.It is much better than envy which is an emotion coveting what some one else has.Jealousy arises of low self esteem,insecurity,unrealistic expectations much beyond what we deserve etc. Jealousy is also a motivator to attain greater heights in any activity.

    Duryodhanas jealousy against Bheem and Karnas jealousy against Arjun led to Mahabharata war. .In fact it was envy. Similarly Kaikeyis jealousy kindled by Manthara over losing her position if Ram is coronated, led to Ramayana.Othello is a masterpiece and a tragedy of sexual jealousy.Romance is a fertile ground for jealousy and wars have been fought on this account.

    Jealousy can exist between brothers,sisters,friends and even between boss and subordinate.Mother in law is jealous of her DIL,a rank outsider enjoying a luxurious life while she had toiled hard to bring up her son.One brother does well compared to the other and the latter complains that the former was sent to a better school and that has resulted in the disparity. Sisters fight-one tells her mother” ennai mathiram indha madhiri edathule thalli vittute[you got me married to such a family implying that her sister married to a better family.]. Show off and jealousy are in full display when co sisters meet.Classmates when they meet after a long time appraise each others progress and when one is very well off,the other terminates the contact.

    We got possession of our family temple 5 years back.We pooled our resources,renovated the temple and raised a corpus of 20 lakhs to take care of daily Pooja even after I am gone.Being our temple I had the right and privilege of doing abishekam with my hands..The burst of jealousy provoked by this incident has resulted in two more temples constructed/renovated by my closest relatives with entitlement of entering the sanctum sanctoram.After all, jealousy is not a bad thing.

    Classmates when they meet after a long time appraise each others progress and when one is very well off,the other terminates the contact.In the office scene colleagues do become jealous of the position,salary and even access to the boss.Unable to digest it, they start some gossip. I remember a doctorate,hardworking colleague making quick career progress-was called multigrain Ramesh.It was rumoured that he brought a bag of dals from his farm for the boss every year.Human brain always tries to find excuses for others’ success and when we cant make it. Some one disgusted with the gossip said” who gossip behind my back, that’s exactly where they belong. Behind my back.”

    There is another situation where your boss takes the credit for the job you have done.He is jealous of your intellect and is scared that he will lose control once you are exposed to his boss. Even when he has to admit,he will say that you grasp and follow his instructions well..

    Some chaps are jealous of even your public speaking ability.I remember a colleague who used to come to me and say –”so, as usual you managed to grab the attention with your humour” in the sales conference.I advised him that he should also try, for which ,he replied that”if people don’t laugh with my statement I wont be able to proceed further”You agree that it was his problem.Yourcommunication skill and the resultant career progression is always a matter of jealousy.

    Let me now share with you my real life story.

    We seven joined a start up company at the same senior level, as Regional Managers.All of us were in the early thirtees.We were all equally qualified with around 12-14 years experience in Marketing.Every one was capable and hard working though individual strength varied from person to person..We worked together for 15 years and when it was time to make one of us GM I was chosen.Understandably there was heart burn among my colleagues as there was only a thin line of demarcation between us.The decision was made at the highest level.Rumours were circulated about Government support and possible reasons searched for my elevation .Fortunately no one could cast aspersions on my integrity and ability to handle tough situations.

    My MD congratulated me and said “you have a tough job with your collegues and what is your priority? “ I said getting their acceptance.I then asked him without hesitation what was it that swung the decision in my favour.He did not expect this question but replied “your communication skills and the courage to lead from the front”.I felt like a bird freed from the shackles of jealousy and fiction.

    In my case ,Jealousy led to competition ,drove people in search of excellence but finally ended up in envy as it became a case of forbidden fruit. As long as jealousy results in competition to do better and not impede the other persons progress I presume it is O.K.What is your verdict?
     
    MalStrom, Amica and sindmani like this.
  2. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    4,650
    Likes Received:
    9,357
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Jealousy is not only about official status or promotion, but about having kids or no kids, having only girls, complexion of children, capacity of children.Feeling thrilled about innate physical or mental abilities of sister's or brothers' children- the list is endless.But invariably the outward expression is just pathos and sympathy.
    Not being appreciated for the good things or
    indirect abuses heaped on etc will get revealed in a public function when so many relatives are present. Jealousy gets some special coveted garments to be presented on appropriate occasions. My mother/mother-in-law had advised me to lend no ears to such remarks from the beginning.Once we observe silence, talk stops though it may be interpreted as our weakness or readiness to accept the faults.
    In big families this is a common problem. Small families also get shrouded in jealousy mysteries.
    Outward expression of jealousy is more prevalent among girls-sisters/sisters-in-law.

    As you have said, jealousy on education, career etc is acceptable as long one does not go against ethics. But reg complexion,gender of children will be absolutely of no use however much you exaggerate.

    jayasala42
     
    sindmani and Thyagarajan like this.
  3. sln

    sln Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    1,672
    Likes Received:
    1,522
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Male
    The list is endless.I will give you example of an inadvertant or heartless comment about a family.The family had steadily progressed in life ,enjoyed all comforts and went out of the way to help others.Unfortunately tragedy struck the family in the form of divorce of their daughter.This became the fodder for gossip even among the closest family members and comments like, the girl not having been brought up properly was whispered.Adding insult to the injury in one of the functions the girls aunt asked her in the open whether the saree she was wearing was the one gifted by her for her marriage.The girl was upset beyond words.Jealousy invariably ends up in gossip if possible a chance to hurt, causing mental agony.
    Keeping quiet is not weakness but a scornful dismissal of their opinion.
    Regards .SLN
     
    sindmani and Thyagarajan like this.
  4. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    9,325
    Likes Received:
    9,891
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Sln sir,

    That made an interesting read. Recently one of my students was speaking of the same thing - how a certain sense of jealousy leads to a certain sense of competition and hence betterment of himself. While I understand what he says, I did mention to him as to he needs to be careful about those feelings - for they may turn into envy and I am not sure what role a parent plays when he or she well meaning compares their own kids with others insinuating some feelings of jealousy - certainly not the right path. Teaching our children to stay rooted and giving them wings to fly will make them stronger and if anything how to help them overcome those feelings of jealousy in themselves and how to teach them to overlook those feelings when others express them will help them to focus on their potential.
     
    Thyagarajan and sindmani like this.
  5. sln

    sln Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    1,672
    Likes Received:
    1,522
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Male
    Dear Srama,
    The good teacher in you comes out clearly in your statement.Wish you good luck and Godspeed in your endeavour to inculcate good thoughts.We should build on the strength of every child and encourage competition.Jealousy arises when comparisons are made both by parents and teachers.I remember my cousin brother hid my English notes at a very inconvenient time before my intermediate exam.He was on social sciences and sanskrit while I was doing NPC and Tamil.The only common subject was English.JUst to make my presentation different I poured through books in the Madras library and prepared my own notes.Foolish fellow, he hid my notes but did not make attempts to copy the notes..Regular taunting by his parents had provoked the graduation of jealousy to envy.As long we understand the difference between the two we are in safe territory.
    Regards.SLN.
     
    Thyagarajan, sindmani and Srama like this.
  6. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    9,325
    Likes Received:
    9,891
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    Thank you sir!
    Appreciate your words. I have this poster
    [​IMG]

    in my classroom and I read it to my students periodically while I strive to follow it and help them every day. I have shared a few times, here in IL too :)
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.
  7. sln

    sln Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    1,672
    Likes Received:
    1,522
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Male
    Good.It is said that the happiness of your life depends on the character of your thoughts.Please keep it up.
    SLN
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.
  8. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    5,110
    Likes Received:
    5,514
    Trophy Points:
    445
    Gender:
    Male
    :hello:Good portrayal of green-eyed monster in all its avatars. Lucid and sweet.

    2. Mind flooded with thoughts of jealousy. Am unable to write like you so meaningful, so thoughtful, so relevant to modern times and so on. But my jealousy will no way impede your jottings.
    3. I was looking after shipping. Boss was new and his expertise in different area like supply chain, administration and something else. Huge proposal with his signature under mine was sent to secretary who forwarded it to minister for financial sanction.
    • Minister while sanctioning the proposal, wrote “other officers since signed the proposal without their notes, I deem it that only the base officer thorough with the subject and therefore henceforth all matters related to shipping he be consulted and his views obtained on record”.
    4. Within few days of receipt of this case file, I was transferred.
    The word jealous crossed my mind then.

    5. For my B SC degree, I had one comedy “As you like it” & for tragedy “Othello”. Comedy I have stray remembrance but tragedy still stay green in my memory & that is where, first I came to know in Iago’s words to Othello, the phrase “GREEN EYED MONSTER”. It was then, I was wondering why jealous should be of green. Perhaps it stays fresh always in the mind. Or was it because jealous cat and cat’s eyes contain green.

    6. I deem jealousy is a wasteful emotion but then from epic days to eternity it is bound to be there with all species I suppose. Jealousy sprouts in perhaps from comparing one with successful one. Parents invariably tell children “look at that boy this girl in our neighbourhood they are poor yet they are with distinctions”.

    Thanks and Regards.

    God - let me envy others always not jealous.
     
  9. sln

    sln Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    1,672
    Likes Received:
    1,522
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Male
    Dear Thyagarajan,
    Shakespeare was fond of green eyes -I think he used it in Merchant of Venice-as green eyed jealousy.[I had it for inter] Jealousy is not a wasteful emotion for film makers as it has resulted in production of lovely movies. Introduce two jealous ladies with their ability for machiavellian manipulations ,you can make a TV.serial which will run for an year. Parents and teachers are responsible for comparing the children inducing jealousy, instead of identifying their strength and building upon it.
    I am not surprised about your transfer as this is usually accepted tool for the survival of the insecure andunfit.
    Regards.SLN
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.

Share This Page