Actual Business Signs

On an Electrician' s truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

Outside a Radiator Repair Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak."

In a Non-smoking area: "If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On Maternity Room door: "Push, Push, Push."

On a Front Door: "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog."

At an Optometrist' s Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a nuclear Scientist's door: "Gone Fission"

On a Taxidermist' s window: "We really know our stuff."

In a Podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels."

On a Butcher's window: "Let me meat your needs."

On another Butcher's window: "Pleased to meat you."

At a Used Car Lot: "Second Hand cars in first crash condition."

On a fence: "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive."

At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet-miss a car payment."

Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming."

Outside a Hotel: "Help! We need inn-experienced people."

At an Auto Body Shop: "May we have the next dents?"

In a Dry Cleaner's Emporium: "Drop your pants here."

On a desk in a Reception Room: "We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left."

On a Music Teacher's door: "Out Chopin."

On the side of a Garbage Truck: "We've got what it takes to take what you've got." (Burglars
please copy.)

On the door of a Computer Store: "Out for a quick byte."

In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up."

Inside a Bowling Alley: "Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop."

In a Cafeteria: "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want."

On the door of a Music Library: "Bach in a minuet."

In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully, we'll wait."

In a Counselor's office: "Growing old is mandatory. Growing wise is optional."

Sign outside brothel: On Vacation. Beat it.

In a veterinarian' s waiting room, "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

At the electric company, "We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be..."

In a Beauty Shop, "Dye now!"

On the side of a garbage truck, "We've got what it takes to take what you've got." (Burglars please copy.)