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Abusive Husband!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by somam16, May 3, 2017.

  1. samsWait

    samsWait Silver IL'ite

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    Can you go talk to a lawyer to see what your options are?
     
  2. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Finest Post Winner

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    But before I go to that part of the problem, let's talk about the self-harm. This is something you have to find help for. Please find a counselor to help you deal with your emotions and get yourself in a place that makes you powerful enough to stand on your own. If you are thinking about hurting yourself, how can you take care of your daughter? Once you go to counseling sessions, you can clear your head on what the next steps you need to take to free yourself of your situation. Are you parents aware of this? What are they saying about this? If you want to do anything drastic, like leaving him, you will need some people to support you, at least while this ugliness is passing through.
     
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  3. dia3

    dia3 Silver IL'ite

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    so why generalize that all women in 35 to 45 will have infertility....n their infertility will be difficult to solve than infertiliity of 20 yr woman....NOPES THATS NOT TRUE !!

    hello 70 age is way differnet than 35 to 45...lot of women in 35 to 45 look damn attrcative n r very fit n healthy n if a woman n man is healthy, they can easily make a helathy baby toegther in 35 to 45 age group without any fertlity issues....35 to 45 age gap is very easy to get pregnant if a man n woman r completely healthy !!

    I am not claiming that about a 70 yr old man who can hardly get it up ...by the way, if u r aware or not, women in our granny's generation even gave birth to healthy babies at 50- completely helathy pregnancy and baby.....it was very common in that genearation having 8 to 9 babies upto 50s as contraceptives were very hard to get in the 60s n 70s in India...thats what even indian doctors wud point out in seminars here in US thats its very sad to see so many fertility issues in indian men n women in 20s these days esp when teh older indian generation had healthy babies even up to 50 esp our grandmother's generations..

    .because most indians let go of fitness sitting on laptops for hours, eating junk food..don't take care of their health in general n don't eat healthy ORGANIC food or don't get treated for some symptoms like PCOS etc at the right time...n still try to hide issue n get in aranged marriage !!

    AS TOLD BY MY INDIAN GUY FRIENDS n INDIAN origin FIANCE--

    ARRANGED MARRIAGE ENSURES THAT no matter how lousy the indian man or woman is in bed or even IMPOTENT men or men who have ED PROUDLY GET MARRIED HIDING THEIR BEDROOM ISSUES as pointed out by several posts here on indusladies...

    the desi women tell their OB GYN that they had PCOS from before 20s but hid in arranged marriage...most indian women r asked to lose weight if tehy have infertility issues as being slim is not the NORM amongst indians..eating lot of carbs every day without sufficient exercise does all this

    what docs say---
    several indian men in 20s keep sitting on their desk in IT n hardly do much physical excercise , which was not the case in older indian generation- they exercised in terms of walking, jogging, didn't eat junk food...so sperm quality is reduced...in men, if u don't use it, u lose it..its more like that..so many indian men now have ED n all, sperm quality, motility issues but STILL get married in ARRANGED marriages..these shud drop put like hot potatoes if arranged marriage wasn't there....

    amongst non-indian, there is always a competition to look the best in terms of fitness n perform well even in bed n u have to compete to get teh best woman or man for marriage as no DOWRY or ARRANGED marriage can help u..

    non desi men n women who r lousy in bed or unable to perform in bedroom r dropped like hot potatoes in marriage market so men and women take extra care of tehmselves in terms of being slim n healthy !!

    My sis and brother in law n my mamaji n mamiji all doctors- 2 r OB-GYN with thriving practice tell me that most men and women with infertility issues have otehr health issues going on...some r obese ..need to hit treadmill..shud reduce choeltsrol levels..n stuff like that ....

    DON'T tell me that INFERTILITY JUST SNUCK UPON U EVEN THOUGH U n ur HUBBY HAVE PERFECT HEALTH n R SLIM N FIT..U can claim that but my sis who is OB GYN is reading this n she is like u can't fool all people ..

    U can cry wolf as long as u want but no one is gonna belive u when u say healthy woman n man in 35 to 45 age group can't make babies..if u stayed in US, haven't u noticed how many women became first time moms naturally in 35 to 45 age group..COME On....or u were lost in ur own world !
     
    Last edited: Jun 5, 2017
  4. dia3

    dia3 Silver IL'ite

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    try to get a job n day care for ur child..why stay in that abusive environment or leave ur kid with ur hubby if he is that abusive
     
  5. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Finest Post Winner

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    I can understand what you are saying, since most women (35-45) are not going through menopause and still have their menses, therefore they are able to conceive. Their male counterparts are probably in that age range or older, and are most likely fit as well. BUT, this does not change the fact that the eggs that in a woman's ovaries are the same ones she was born with. The eggs are now just a little bit older. Oftentimes, this makes them more susceptible to genetic disorders, but woman at this age, still have the same chances of getting pregnant as the younger counterparts.

    Men and their sperm work differently - they create a new batch, all the time. As men age, their sex drives generally decreases and they are not able to perform as much as their 17-year self, but other than that, physically they are able to have children quite easily.

    My mother is one of those lucky (read: unlucky) women who has early menopause. It's a mostly genetic condition, and I would most likely have the same situation. This means, by the time I'm 35, my period will be irregular, therefore conceiving becomes more challenging (NOT impossible). Later pregnancies, where the mother is above 35 are considered 'High Risk' pregnancies, therefore, there are more chances for complications. With modern medicine, we have a safety net, but I am sure the majority of women are thinking about this as well.

    Anyway, I am not disagreeing with you on being able to have children at that age. It does become challenging and the woman that I know that have children late, end up choosing to have only 1.
     
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  6. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    @Amarjeet

    Don't believe in the myth of staying in an abusive marriage for the sake of the child, understand that you are doing more damage to the child by staying in a poisonous relationship.

    As difficult as it is and as impossible as anything might seem, This is the time when you have to be strong for your child and walk away from this abusive, violent man. Teach her how to stand up for herself in front of abuse n violence. Teach her it is 100% unacceptable to take any kinda abuse.

    Do proper background work, like approaching a women help center / lawyer specialised in domestic abuse and make that lawyer take all the precautions. You can also stay in a place where he won't know till this solves.

    Is he psychotic? Would he have really set fire?

    Can you freelance without him knowing? Like doing when he's at work?

    Approach women help center- groups / friends / family (who won't tell him), call the HR directly and speak n see if anyone can help.

    A child living in constant fear of her 'own' father at her 'own' home is a "secure" life ?
    A child witnessing her 'own' father abusing her 'own' mother every day is a "secure" life ?

    Would you want your daughter to stay in an abusive relationship like this?

    What are you teaching your daughter? Cower, stay- be quiet, listen n take it when abused and then finally give up and harm yourself ??

    Get a lawyers advise on this.


    Where are your parents in all this?
     
  7. samsWait

    samsWait Silver IL'ite

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    I am not generalizing ALL WOMEN between age 35-45 are going to be infertile. I am saying the chances drop.
    Here is an article that talks about what I am trying to state.
    No, women’s fertility doesn’t ‘drop off a cliff’ at 35

    And for your question unfortunately my infertility issues cropped up when I was the slimmest in my whole life. So being healthy did offset anything for me. Also being is not preventing my eggs from ageing. And about infertile woman's chances of getting pregnant in her 20s. It is common sense that she has more time to try out things than a woman in her 30s or 40s. And for proof that she has more chances please refer to SART data within different age groups
     

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